Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Time For Change

By : icybreeze

From ANON - Anon on September 20, 2008
I would suggest breaking up the story into paragraphs. It will make it easier to read, and more people might actually read it.
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From ANON - ms.snape on July 28, 2008
I love your story so far please continue can't wait to see what happends
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From ANON - kell on February 26, 2008
It might be easier to read if the first paragraph was separated a bit more.
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From Pyroangel198605 on February 26, 2008
I like it so far. different from ones Ive read before. Hope you update soon.
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From Utopia on February 26, 2008
Now I am completely and utterly baffled by the recent developments; I have no idea what's going on as you've changed so much! Personally (as a student in her second year at university) I think you should abandon this until your interview is over and done with. Concentrate on your education and future, fanfic is just for fun.

However, I am a beta reader, and I will offer you some advice. This is the process I write by, and I would avoid the computer for this, as your own writing will probably be easier and faster.

Step 1) work out who is in your story, their descriptions and personalities. Remember this is fanfiction, and people will see their version of a character and not yours, so you need to get a clear description of your take on the characters before you start. You might have to point out that they are OOC (out of character) so people looking for cannon can go elsewhere. Have a list of any original characters too so you don't confuse yourself.

Step 2) Work out where your story is set and have clear descriptions of the surroundings, the weather, the buildings... everything clear in your mind so that your descriptions flow easily and aren't disjointed. If you have a clear image you will describe it easily, and the reader will be able to imagine what you want, rather than filling in their own gaps (which could well be miles away from what you want them to see).

Step 3) (and here is where my own personal preference for planning comes in) Where do you want this fic to end. Not an epilogue, a finale. Do you want a happily ever after? do you want characters dead? What do you want to develop your characters into? Where do you want the plot to stop? Have a goal in sight and you will get there.

Step 4) (Again, a personal preference) How are you going to develop your characters? What situations will they meet? How will the environment affect them? How do interactions with characters influence them? How are you going to achieve your goal of the end? Basically, what is your plot? You don't need to do a chapter-by-chapter plan if you don't want to, but have the key events that must happen outlined. And don't just write something like 'lemons after XYZ' - what kind of lemons do you want? Also, you need to keep your plot in context with your characters; are their actions something your character would do/say? Is what you're writing fitting with the characters and environment they're in?

Step 5) (again, this is how I'd do it) How does it all start - this you have already sorted, a drop of unicorn blood too many - but I feel that you haven't thought out the big picture in much detail and I get the impression you don't know where this is going. Its like planning how you'll decorate your kitchen when you haven't bought the house yet. Authors notes are often vital for explaining a little bit of plot - but explaining the amount you have is more like a plan. We'd rather read a story than a huge A/N. Fit all what you've told us into the chapters. I myself am writing a fic with a bullet-pointed A/N at the beginning to establish some basic principles of the creatures I created, but this is reinforced by my fic.

Step 6) sit down and write it, even write the end first so you know where it is going! You don't have to start at the beginning - you only need post in chronological order! The reader won't know if you write chapter five first, then wrote chapter seven, then wrote one, then six... whatever works best for you will work best for a fic and keep your readers happy. But whatever you do, follow your plan - if your plan changes (which they are prone to do) then make sure you write it on your plan so that your story doesn't follow the original plan when you've altered it.

Step 7) have your beta check your chapters. Don't post them until they've been checked. Yes, you're not bothering your beta because they've gone on holiday - so wait until they're back and have seen your chapters, let them edit them and THEN post them. A chapter isn't finished until a beta has seen it and given it the OK, mine is a little ill - but luckily I catch most of mine, but they are not 100%. A reader doesn't like to read a fic that isn't polished and tip-top. We get destracted by errors and plot that doesn't quite work (as a beta checks plot as well as technical errors). We'll ignore your plot and ONLY spot problems if there are too many errors; so have a little patience and let the chapters be edited before they go online. Its harsh, and that can't be helped, but you will lose readers if they can't read past errors - even with potential, a fic needs to read well to draw in readers.

Have a good look at spelling and grammar. It is a pet hate of many readers (me included) when there are many technical errors in a story. Keep an eye on punctuation, on tenses, on homophones, on formatting. I doubt you'd get flames, but you'd certainly get complaints if they're not right. No fic is 100% correct, and the odd error is let by (even in published novels there are errors!)... but mass mistakes are not so easily forgiven.

Seriously, put this aside to focus on your university stuff, and once you and your beta are free look at it again. Nobody will begrudge you taking time off to present us with a quality fic, rather than rushing out something that would otherwise be substandard. One chapter of quality is undoubtedly better than ten that need work.

relax, focus on your educational future and then return with a clear plan and your beta.

I wish you all the best for your interview and future, I look forward to reading more of this at a later date.

Kind regards,
Utopia.
26/02/2008

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From catysmom1028 on February 26, 2008
I like it. Please update soon.

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From DB1 on February 26, 2008
good start. i think you should get a beta. there are many spelling mistakes and you should write in paragraphs not one big block of writing as its hard to read. i do look forward to reading more!! good work!

*DB*
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From ANON - mistresss amortencia on February 26, 2008
Hey you wrote sev's actual name in the letter hermione wrote.
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From Queeny on February 25, 2008
I got that Severus had got turned back in time but wait he's brunette now? x.x
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From ANON - Karen on February 25, 2008
Well, you were able to explain how they wouldn't recognize him, but how you did was too much of a stretch. An experienced potions master, by adding just one extra drop of his blood to an aging potion, changed not only his appearance but the memories of everyone outside the castle?!?!?! I would have bought the idea that the potion changed to the point he didn't even recognize himself. "I didn't even look like this when I was 17" or some such thing. It, too, is a stretch but no where near the stretch of the potion accident. But, I will still read chapter 2 and see how things go.
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From Utopia on February 25, 2008
The first chapter starts of referring to him as Sev Stephenson, then later as Severus Snape... which one are we looking at? Could you add your chapter 2 A/N into chapter one somewhere?

And another request, can you please split Albus's big speech up into smaller sections - the mass of text is a sheer nightmare to read!

Apart from that, I can see where this is going.
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From Delfin on February 24, 2008
post soon =D
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From hottie on February 24, 2008
it's an intresting start. It deff. has potenital, hopefully you can update soon. I would really like to see how things unfold. Maybe you can even write longer chaps?
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From ANON - luna love on February 24, 2008
A great start and I like the idea of a young Snape!
But Severus Snape introducing himself as such is a bit confusing. If you don't want him to go to school as himself (like in the first version you had up) you could easily do so by giving him the name and identity of a (fake) family-member, like "Something" Snape or Prince. This would explain why he looks like himself, calling it a family-resemblance.
Keep it up!
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From ANON - Karen on February 24, 2008
I like this story, but am a bit confused about one major point. Wouldn't everyone, especially Hermione, recognize Severus? People don't change that drastically in looks from age 17 to age 40. They would still be able to tell it was Severus, just younger. That part of the story might have to be looked at. But, I like the concept of the aging potion accident causing Severus' body become younger. To me, that is a better "time" story than the ones that evolve time travel! I look forward to the next update.
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