Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for My Life

By : shanarenea

From AndromedaTonks1602 on April 25, 2008
Oh wow!!! I am in love with this story! I couldn't stop reading. Ruthie is so cute! I can't wait for more to come.
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From Heidi191976 on April 24, 2008
I agree that Harry should stay at Hogwarts because he might be targeted if he went out. I hope they will find out exactly who killed her parents. That way the person can be dealt with. I look forward to reading more soon.
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From diamondmouse on April 23, 2008
that was great i'm so glad you didn't drop the fic
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From ElementalDemonessSorceress on April 22, 2008
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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From ElementalDemonessSorceress on April 17, 2008
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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From ANON - Anon on April 17, 2008
please update. i am looking forward to the next chapter
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From Utopia on April 14, 2008
*shudders* Ron is turning out to be rather sick in this - but in a completely believable way.

I wonder if the kitten is the little lady's familiar? She certainly shows a lot of magical talent - it wouldn't be so suprising. Talking of familiars... where's Crookshanks in all of this? Or is he the culprit of the kittens? lol.

I burst out laughing at the 'need to pee' bit! Big bad Death Eater, potion's master, bat of the dungeons... and he has no idea what to do with a little girl who needs the loo! Thank goodness for Dobby!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

* but he is male was male.

* wasn
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From Utopia on April 14, 2008
So. Ron should have gullible written in big red letters on his forehead and Percy's gone nasty on us - though both are highly believable!

I love how Ruthie is so cute, and throws tantrums! (and that's saying something! I hate kids!)

Who's attacked her? Good use of a cliffhanger!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

* hell Proper noun.

* What Harry didn
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From Utopia on April 14, 2008
4

Quite a short chapter, but so many little hints here and there!

Ron needs anger management desperately. He's acting like a spurned lover (which he never was) rather than a caring and compassionate friend. The fact that he would have probably raped her had Harry not been there is incredibly worrying! It doesn't seem all that OOC, but its rather frightening that he'd let his temper get the better of him!

Though, the formatting went all wonky again in this one. :(
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From Utopia on April 14, 2008
3

Formatting gets 4 stars! The odd line wants splitting still. But Thank you so much!

SLAP I had to grin at that. Ron wants more than a slap, I think a firm yelling at from Molly would do the trick - or Hermione hexing him within an inch of existance. Rude little git. I love your portrayal of Ron; a typical firey red-head with far too much testosterone and self confidence! Harry sounds to be the voice of reason in the trio at the moment, what's made him mature so much?

Hermione sounds to have been raped, though I don't think you're keeping it a secret, there have been quite a few hints. Though, if she was raped in 4th year, that made her 15! That's illegal however you look at it!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

* father another proper noun that needs a capital letter.

* What it would
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From Utopia on April 14, 2008
2

I'm not wanting to be a stuck record - but my comments on formatting stand. Big chunks of text, while grammatically correct (new line, new speaker) are really offputting for many readers, and a formatting edit could well attract more readers. I was myself put off, as the huge chunks of text are absolute Hell with my dyslexia; as a result I'm having to read much slower - and I'm spotting more errors because of it. (They're at the bottom, maybe edit those too, whilst you're at it?)

Could you put an author's note up saying how to pronounce what Ruthie is calling Severus phonetically? I can't seem to wrap my mouth around it. (Thanks)

Could you put Hermione's diary in italics to separate it away from the plot, just to give it definition and discreteness?

I love how the child is named Ruthie, I presume this is short for Ruth. A good strong name that isn't one of the 'fashionable names' that will sound dated in years to come. It's an old name, but won't stand out in either the muggle or wizarding culture. (I have a thing for names, I love researching the names of my characters and their meanings!). I also think you have the two-year-old down to a fine art!

I simply LOVE that you know what to do with a semi-colon! There isn't enough usage of that little piece of punctuation in fics! *grins*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nit-picks (in order) Perhaps invest in a beta reader?

* at the end of summer Summer is a proper noun, and thus should have a capital letter.

* No not mummy, want Sverus Mummy is another proper noun.

* Eh seems to like her He seems to like her.

*
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From MistressKao on April 14, 2008
*stomps foot* I want MORE! ok my inner child gets out sometimes....but honestly I really like where this is going and Ruthie is great! Keep up the great work!!!!
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From Utopia on April 14, 2008
I'm a new reader, and chapter one was a great start, but could do with more formatting. You have put each new speaker on a new line, but it would be a lot easier to read if there was a line between this as well. On my screen its just a big block of text, and not all that appealing. The formatting should only take a minute or two to sort out.
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From wicraven on April 14, 2008
Great post, love the story, can't wait until you post again, so please post again soon. Thanks.
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From Heidi191976 on April 14, 2008
Another great chapter. I think Hermione is having a really tough time, raising her daughter, finding out Voldemort is Ruthie's father, falling for Severus, and now finding out that her parents have been killed. I also think that it would be just plain cruel if Voldemort issued the attack on Hermione's parents after saying that no harm was to come to her and Ruthie. My guess is that Lucius Malfoy took it upon himself to attack them because he can't harm Hermione and Ruthie. If he did, I hope that Voldemort finds out and punishes him to near death. I look forward to reading more soon.
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