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Reviews for Love in an Elevator

By : Lillybe
  • From thrnbrooke on April 09, 2008
    Oh my! Those two!
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  • From gorgeousbowneyes on April 02, 2008
    That was great if it was your first shot at writing 'mature' *ahem* gay sex *ahem* fiction. Oh and I think the correct spelling is apparate. But back to the sex .... I mean story. LOL.

    OK for the story I really loved the idea! Your inspiration was a great source (Go Aerosmith!!) and the song does suit these two doesn't it. I think it's believable that they'd have to stay locked in a muggle elevator. My only concern for the two was if there were video cameras in the lift.... Somebody got a good show. lol.

    And as for the mature content, I think you did a good job, but I'll also honestly tell you where I think you can improve and how you'd go about that, I have a couple of points:
    1. It felt a little too ... structured, organised, kind of thing, like too much thought had been put into it. Sex is meant to be fast, frenzied, unplanned and sudden (especially sex in an elevator). This could have been because it was your first shot at it. You can fix this by not telling the readers everything, we dont need to know exactly where every limb is at every point in time. Use your silences and gaps, let the reader fill in some to make them use their imagination.
    2. It seemed to be all one sided, like Harry was the one having sex, and Draco was just lying there. I don't think everyone would have gotten that from it but, I just say that because I don't imagine Draco as someone who would just lie there and take it, he'd be biting back, moaning, wriggling etc. I think you did do this mostly, but it's just the vibe I got.

    I think thats basically all I have to say. I really did enjoy reading this however, and I just mention these things to try and help you improve. Great work and I hope to see more from you soon!
    ~gorgeousbowneyes
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  • From kalaway on April 01, 2008
    it was cute! :) not bad at all, lol
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