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Reviews for Ashes of Armageddon

By : emilywaters

From ANON - kunitsu on July 04, 2008
review for chapters 27-30

Damn there you go again, twisting the emotions so far then suddenly making a 180 turn that surprises us all. I really though Severus was going to be tortured to death and I must say that torture was just creepy, it made me shudder. Then he brings the real Harry back and I thought they were going to try and work out how to destroy the dust without killing Harry, then the train station and coming back to life. All of that was just wow. I am really loving this and how you write it.
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From emilywaters on July 04, 2008
HpFanficFan : Originally I planned to make book 2 shorter than book 1; but right now, I am honestly not sure. It could even end up being longer than Book 1. If you want to know details of what I'm thinking about, feel free to email me privately. : )

theseachange : Yeah, Snape should be coming apart at this point, but he isn't. The thing about him is that he's basically a soldier and a spy. He's used to suppressing emotions in order to keep going. He witnessed atrocities, probably more terrible than what he had experienced at Godric's Hollow. He spent years fraternizing with the "enemy", never allowing his cover to slip. He never had any breaks. He kept going and going, even after killing Dumbledore. He's not somebody who will just let his emotions loose and start crying after a day of normalcy, which is still quite not normalcy, because even though the pain is over, the crisis isn't quite over yet, in his mind. And even when he goes home, he is likely not to start crying and wallowing right away. Seven years of suppressing emotions and weaknesses aren't for nothing.
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From PantherRain on July 04, 2008
I was actually rather hesitant about reading this fic, since dark!Harry isn't a particular favorite of mine. Of course, most of the time they're just angsty and kinda dark for the sake of it. I'm glad that I looked in to see what it was really about. Your style really pulled me in, and seeing what was going on brought enough hope that I was intrigued. I can't wait to see what happens from here. Very well written.
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From ANON - theseachange on July 04, 2008
Of the past three chapters, some things went very, very well. The way Harry begs Snape to kill him and the way Snape kills Voldemort instead was quite good. Harry and Snape's discussion with Dumbledore went fairly well. The explanations made a certain sense, except that it all seemed a bit quick -- easily explained and easily understood and accepted by all. Still, you took them back to the land of the living and there was all the pain still. But I felt Snape's overall reaction to everything is a weaker aspect of the past chapters. He's just *too* able to take charge, make decisions, etc. It's like whatever human reactions we keep expecting from him, he 's at least on the surface easily able to put aside all the horror and keep shouldering on. But the more and more he's able to shoulder on with such *apparent* ease, the less believable it feels to me.

Harry's collapse as soon as returning to his body made sense. But Snape being able to instantly respond to Harry as Harry, with no apparent residual feelings regarding the horrific torture he'd gone through under Voldemort/Harry, just didn't feel "right" to me. Harry is so horrified by seeing the signs of the torture and abuse, and Snape doesn't seem affected at all? I noticed in a recent response to a review you said:

"How much was Severus broken by his experiences, not only of the past two months, but the two decades of suffering/redeeming his one mistake?"

Well, yeah, I think you do intend to show that, but just how affected was he, to be able to squelch any reaction so quickly and thoroughly and for so long?

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From SoftObsidian74 on July 03, 2008
This final chapter is so heartbreaking...what a long hard road Harry has to travel. I feel so bad for him, but at the same time, it's fitting considering what Severus went through, even if it was Dust that caused it, it was at Harry's hands so I'm on the fence. I'm glad Severus was thinking about the transfer of power and the impact of Harry stepping down...that could have been a disaster! LOL@you exploiting Draco's canon traits of looking out for self and running....he's such a sissy boy in this fic : p Well, I can see we're in for an interesting recovery ride. I'll be here : ) Great update : )
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From ANON - deedee10 on July 03, 2008
WoW!!! Did NOT see that coming! As per usual, this was amazing! I could, quite vividly, see everything playing out as you wrote it and must congratulate you on writing so fantastically! Please keep going! Please?
Regardless, keep writing fanfiction!
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From SoftObsidian74 on July 03, 2008
@29 You really tied things together! You must know canon like the back of your hand to twist it the way you do, I'm impressed. The explanations (as usual) all make sense, and have me almost wishing they didn't come back. I can't wait to see how they move on....and poor poor Harry! I feel bad for Sev too...I mean he's going to have major PTSD after what he's been through, and I'm not sure if he'll ever be able to look at Harry the same again. I hope they do have memories of that happy place, because they're gonna need them. I can't wait to see how others react to Harry and if they will buy that he's OK now. He's done so much damage. I hope no one kills him just to get even. It may even be deserved.
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From callistianstar on July 03, 2008
Very nice. Did Hermione grab Hugo during her bunny hoping with the port key? That sentence confused me for a second. It isn't a big deal, I was just wondering if Harry actually went to Lee's to get Hugo, maybe make a face value judgement of the effects of the dust. Them not understanding about a dictatorship was amusing. Especially Hermione not piping in despite all her muggle studies classes. I was also glad for Snape pulling Harry out of his misery to get everyone together, while at the same time understanding his pain, and not thinking of his own. Severus is something else. Ah. So this will probably end with Ginny's return. I suppose that is fitting with little Albus, but time will tell. Wonderful job. I look forward to the next chapter.
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From SoftObsidian74 on July 03, 2008
@Ch. 28.OMG. I go away for like 1 day and you've updated 3 chapters! You're a machine woman! But seriously, this chapter was just spellbinding, and the dialogue and tension was written perfectly. You had me captivated and in pain just like I was when Dumbledore was on that Tower. Wonderfully executed! And dammit, Sev had to do what Sev had to do. I'm just glad the real Harry showed up in those final minutes to push him towards the right choice. Now I can't wait to see where you go from here....on to the next chapter!
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From emilywaters on July 03, 2008
Wow. Thanks for your comments everyone!

Alex: I wanted to briefly answer your comments. I commend you for your observation re: slavery; in fact, you are forshadowing the crisis of the second part of the story. Can slavery (even benign one) be a good thing? Or more specifically, is it benign in this case? How much was Severus broken by his experiences, not only of the past two months, but the two decades of suffering/redeeming his one mistake?

In defence of Dumbledore, he did not "set up" this bond to be transferred without Severus' consent. Harry was meant to give him a choice, but of course, Dark!Harry had no intention of doing so. He just wanted to play. (And if Harry were not Dark, and not an arse, Severus may well have consented to an arrangement where eventually he would maintain all his legal rights, his physical independence, live out his normal life-span, have a rewarding career, and maintain a magical connection of protection/loyalty with his 'owner').

Well, as for there being an inconsistency in my story re: power of intentions... I honestly don't think I was being inconsistent. Sometimes, good intentions amount to everything, but sometimes, even good intentions cannot erase something completley.

Yeah, I won't deny that this story is dark; and I am writing it for the dark emotional horror of it...
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From ANON - Alex on July 03, 2008
And in the end slavery is STILL good for you! Just a benign little help to focus, a concentration aid, really.

No matter that all the horror wouldn't have happened without it, no matter that the transference of ownership without any consent of the slave can be done and WAS done as easy as if Severus were chattel! And still is. No matter that it's more permanent than ever. No matter that there isn't freedom, ANY freedom besides a desperate delusion of, in slavery - any form of slavery that isn't play!
I think this is the most horryfying part of your story. All the gore and torture and mutilations and rape aside, this is the true perversion in your beyond dark tale.
This, and the easy acceptance anyone involved finds in "slavery, the good version" on the say so of Albus narcissist, ruthless nutcase Dumbledore in limbo. Especially Severus so broken and self-loathing he can't even see his imprisonment anymore.

So being enslaved by the person who raped, mutilated, tortured etc. etc. you moments ago, by your tormentor whatever the circumstances, being never free (because THAT is the definition of slavery - not "oh, it helps me focus and really doesn't do anything bad to me and my ability to live" as much as you repeat that version) is really sort of alright. Never mind how hugely unhealthy that kind of power and imbalance is for the owner too?
Well, Potter could of course decide to let his son inherit Severus together with the vault, broom and furniture in case something happened to him - we've seen how like his grandfather and namesake the boy is, wouldn't that be fun? And what when sane!Harry has his next temper tantrum as he surely will and acts before thinking as is his wont?

And how convenient that the bond can't even be cancelled by the "rightful" owner, the slave not even be set free by him! Which to me sounds more like an authorial cop out to keep a "sexy" slavery kink intact to be honest...
Especially since it goes against all those "magic of intent"-blatherings wise old Dumble spews who is here again a moral and magical authority and which clearly take up a large part of your story setup. So why go against your internal logic here?! Why does this powerful "intent in magic is sooo immensely important it even defeats death"-logic fail miraculously and inexplicably ONLY and exclusively in Severus' case of enslavement? It goes against all internal rules you established for this story. Aside from aforementioned author preference...

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From ANON - hobgoblinn on July 03, 2008
I am glad you're planning to continue this. I expect setting right all the things evil Harry did will be a chore, not to mention laying to rest all the demons he awaoke in other people like Lee, and George and Oliver. These last two chapters seemed sort of rushed, though, given the enormity of the decision before them and the revelations they both ahve to process. But Harry's confession of having loved Snape, even for a short time, rings very true.

I'm thinking if you ever wanted to go back and rewrite a bit here, that the timelessness of the otherworld might work to your advantage. You wouldn't have to trace every thought and action while they're there, but make it clear they do spend some time thinking, and show a little of what they're reflecting on, as well as the short conversation you give us here.

Whether you decide to do that or not, though, this is quite good as it stands, and I am very impressed with your work. Look forward to more, soon.
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From callistianstar on July 03, 2008
I love you. lol I figured and feared that you wouldn't be posting another for a couple days, but I didn't want to be pushy. This King's Cross meeting was lovely. So Dumbledore wasn't forced to stay, but stayed only to meet with Harry, right? This was a fantastic chapter. I had expected that Harry would apologize while they were at King's Cross, but I suppose the inconsequentialness of their history over this story wasn't really thought of, as Snape described. So, nice. So meltdown time, huh? Did you just add that "Book one" to the first chapter? Just curious. It was nice to see that pure Harry though, where all he did, except for that scream at the end, was giggle about li..er..afterlife. :D I also enjoyed that small conversation about that 45 minutes of time where Harry loved Snape. :D Adorable. I wonder if everyone else in the wizarding world has reached such a clarity of mind as well. Has all the dust settled? I can't help but think that not only will Harry be scorned by the wizarding world now, even though he has died for it twice now, and suffered a bit himself. They probably all feel like they have been Imperised and will probably want Harry to take the blame for all the nasty things they have done themselves. But hopefully Hermione, Ron, and Neville will forgive him. Perhaps even Ginny, although I'm not crossing my finger for that one. Speaking of which, I liked that small paragraph when Harry admitted that he asked Ginny to kill him. Interesting. Great job. I look forward to the next chapter.
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From ANON - Snakelette on July 03, 2008
Well, I was wondering how Harry would react when he'd be himself again, and screaming sounds like a good start. Glad to see Voldie gone, but how will they deal with all that has happened? Looking forward to more :)
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From ANON - whitedragon on July 03, 2008
woah!! crazy!! I thought that might've happened since pieces of voldemort are inside of Harry. so when Sev called Harry Tom it confirmed some of my suspisions. when the pieces or ashes of voldemort are gone would harry remember what he did to Sev? or would he forget cuz it was Voldemort that was doing it? hhhmmm......making me think wanting to read more.
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