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Reviews for Closer

By : Losertastictoaster
  • From soldiersgirl0709 on June 11, 2008
    Ok...let me say first that you are improving, the last few chapters were much better. There are still a lot of errors that I think a beta would be able to help you with. Ok...now about the story:


    Im not sure Severus would tell Minerva I knocked her up. LOL and why did Mione have lube near her bed if she wasnt having regular sex....shed only been with Sev and Ron right? And in the last chapter you had Draco drinking a wine cooler...then said he choked on his beer...just a little detail ya might wanna check back on.


    Keep writing, keep an eye out for missing words though....I think some of the errors are words that either vanished in editing or your brain was working more quickly than your fingers LOL spelling is much better and the formatting is as well. Be very careful about wording. I dont mind out of character, Im an AU/AR OOC author myself, but some of Sev's phrasing is TOO out of character....mind you he is 19 years older than her and a highly educated, very proper wizard...saying 'Baby, lets do it.' just doesnt seem like something he would do.



    Dont take this as a flame, I dont do that. I see potential in the story and in your writing, you just need some practice.

    Happy Writing!
    ~SG~
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  • From Citten on June 09, 2008
    well i cant wait tell the next chapter! i came at a great time i have finals! :{ somedays i hate school. well draco took that well and i am undeiced about the ring. good old molly. got her son to think, and hopfully fix his mess. update soon! (i could use another distraction!) :)
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  • From catysmom1028 on June 07, 2008
    I like it. Please update soon.

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  • From ANON - Anon on June 07, 2008
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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  • From on June 07, 2008
    Wow! I never thought that I would read a Snape and Granger story.

    I like this one and I would like updates on at poohnation74@yahoo.com if you can.
    I know how it is with a one year old, you never seem to have time for yourself.
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  • From Heidi191976 on June 07, 2008
    This was a great chapter. I am glad that Draco is alright with Severus being with Hermione. I thought it was a lovely gesture when Draco gave Severus his mother's ring to use. I look forward to reading more.
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  • From neelix on June 07, 2008
    I am sort-of enjoying this but there are quite a few errors that spoil it and ruin the flow of the story.

    e.g. "I want to have something," he said sitting down on the couch. "My mother gave this to me. It was her engagement ring. She gave it to me so I'd have a ring to give a girl someday but I'd rather buy my own."

    I think you meant to say 'I want YOU to have something'.

    There are quite a few typo's like this througout your story. It might be a good idea for you to re-read the chpater before you post it or get yourself a good beta.

    Other than that, I like it!

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  • From ANON - Maddie on June 07, 2008
    that chapter was actually very sweet
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  • From Heidi191976 on June 06, 2008
    This was a great chapter. One mistake I noticed however was that you used the word except when it should be accept. I apologize if this offends you. The story is really great. I look forward to reading more soon.
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  • From catysmom1028 on June 06, 2008
    I like it. Please update soon.
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  • From catysmom1028 on June 05, 2008
    I like it. Please update soon.
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  • From Citten on June 05, 2008
    i am not fond of anal sex (reading or otherwise) but you did that really well. i love that severus talked to ron and i love that he did it without raising his voice and without his wand ron was scared-hehehehe survers the little twirp right! :) well i would love to see what the weasleys said to ron (if you would?) i think it would be fun! :) though i am dying to see what severus has in that cupborad!!! do update lots and lots more and soon! :)
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  • From Heidi191976 on June 05, 2008
    Excellent. I look forward to reading more soon. I am glad that they both love each other and might get married later on.
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  • From ANON - kiras on June 05, 2008
    this story does have promise.. but only two problems.. one try and find a beta to go over your work and correct a few mistakes you made.. not that many but there are some.. and two as someone already stated Snape is a little too off.. you have to consider they don't use modern American slang... but otherwise this story shows promise
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  • From ginnylovesharry07 on June 04, 2008
    how dare ron

    thanks for an update
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