Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for A different way of looking at things

By : radiofishlips

From Daarklyte on June 07, 2015
I really liked your story up until the last chapter. I am not in any way trying to tell you what to do, but wanted to offer my feedback in as constructive a way as possible. The primary reason I won't be reading any further is that I feel like the decisions Harry made were not in keeping with the character you had developed up to this point. The decisions were far too extreme for someone of his upbringing, age, and experience. I could see tattoos or piercing (maybe) but cosmetic surgery is stretching it a bit. Especially his motivation to make her body modifications more noticeable to the population of Hogwarts. Since this their last year there according to the timeline, arranging for her to have muggle plastic surgery before the summer after they graduate is improbable at best.

Also, a 17 year old male deciding to give up vaginal sex (except to impregnate her) with the girl he is in love with when that is the one thing she has most been asking him for? I'm having a hard time even coming up with a scenario in any situation where I could suspend my disbelief, especially when he has yet to even have that type of sex. However, this is your story and you are entitled to do whatever you want with it.

I realize that the next bit is going to come across as rude, but as you were the one to mention that you were a teacher of writing, I would expect a bit more diligence when it comes to simple grammar mistakes. I don't expect perfection, but if you look at copyblogger dot com slash grammar-goofs, I would hope you'd have at least those 15 issues covered. While only around half of those items listed exist in the story, it is the more common half that makes it somewhat challenging to read.

I'd like to thank you for writing and mention again that I enjoyed your story overall. I hope my comments are accepted in the constructive manner in which they were intended. I don't expect you to change your story for me, but felt compelled to at least provide my feedback.

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From tinkrox10 on September 27, 2010
I love it!!!!!

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From kenhagler on May 05, 2010
I just came across this story, and I like it so far. I see that it's been updated recently, so hopefully there will be more soon.

The idea of incest in the story (Daphne and Astoria?) doesn't bother me at all. I think it would be a nice addition.

The sudden turn in the last chapter was a bit jarring. After Hermione's punishment was such a big deal, now they're both suddenly okay with hideously disfiguring her? It seems rather inconsistent. Also I would think that Hermione would think to point out that having her breasts mutilated might impair her ability to feed children later, and suggest that they ought to look into that before doing anything permanently disabling.
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From WillLack on March 25, 2010
Not so sure about the last chapter in fact I think you have lost me reading any more- the idea that Harry would want to sterlise one of his women seems wrong - and tattooing Hermione and piercing her and giving her breast implants the motivation does not seem to be loving domination but gratituous humiliation and sadism and seeing how far she will take abuse. Is this really what she wanted - does not really seem so... go back and think please before the story just becomes how grossed out you can make it
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From bill560682 on March 25, 2010
i think the idea of incest is fine with me. of course the only real ways i see pulling it off are with granger and her mother or daphney and her sister but i would think that it would mean harry would have to take her as a slave as well.
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From lordamnesia on March 23, 2010
This is a great story! Very much what a D/s relationship is based on, and how it can work (well, with magic anyway). Keep up the great work!
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From Destructioncss on March 21, 2010
You have intrigued me with this story, from the way it is told, because I believe you know how to write. To the lifestyle you are presenting. And I believe you should get this done...I enjoy it that much and only stumbled onto it yesterday. I have checked to see if this story would be updated with another chapter within 5 minutes since I finished it last night.

Great read and hopefully you continue with it.
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From gypsy on March 12, 2010
Hey, I love it! You're doing a great job of catching the lifestyle - One of the best I've ever read. There are a lot of people who think they know what the lifestyle is about, even though they've never experienced it, and don't. There are even more who think that their "style" is the "right way" and all others are wrong, incomplete, incorrect, whatever, and to them I would say "WHATEVER!' From the rest of us - the silent majority, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Any critiques I might have would be typos or spelling - but I would rather read the typos than not read the story! It really is one of the more accurate, experienced, BDSM works I've read.
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From Caffine on March 12, 2010
I must say that when I stumbled across this story I was a bit leery. But you've handled the topic and plot well. Thus far everything has been safe, concerned with safety, or fairly innocent control play. Kudos and keep up the great writing.
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From Padfootsgrl on March 11, 2010
read all the chapter this evening. Wonderful job by the way.
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From Astender on March 11, 2010
Loves loves loves it! One of my fave AU fics.. you do such an awesome job of writing believable smut!
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From SirZic000 on March 11, 2010
Wow so long... i was thinking it was abandonned :)
That was a great chapter, so...
Continuuuuuuuuuuuue,
Z.
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From JohnnyK55555 on March 11, 2010
Good update. Why Harry don't want to have children with both girls? Hope you'll change his mind about it. Looking forward to more soon.
Oh, and remove Luna from their relations.
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From purpleann on March 10, 2010
Wow! I'm loving this story, and I hope that you plan on finishing it! I never thought I would read a believable Dom!Harry but you've done it. Well done and I can't wait to see what happens next!
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From Kuronosa on March 01, 2010
You know, you have a very interesting story here.... And indeed, it is a different way of looking at things.

I stumbled across this story about....2 years ago, and I had forgotten before today what its title was. I found it interesting back then, so much so, that I went looking for it again, and eventually found it.

Okay, enough praise. Time to get down to business...

You have quite a few spelling and gramatical erorrs, but not as many as some authors that I've seen. Even if you don't have a BETA reader, you should proof-read and grammer check everything before you post it...

Another problem that I am seeing, whether or not it's just me, I don't know, but you seem to lack a full sense of a passage of time. Sure, you can write down the basics of how long it has been, and generally what life's been like, but I think that, with your chapters as short as they are, they seem to lack a good sense of how much time has passed in any sense... I'm assuming that, according to the name of the most recent chapter, Yuletide draws near. However, it does not feel, to me, that about 3 to 4 months, or so, have occured since the beginning of the fic.

I do think that your descriptions are masterfully done, and I can really understand how the people feel, what is actually going on in a scene, and can visualize the events without help. I would say, though, that your physical descriptions might be a touch more thorough. However, it's up to you how much detail you put into those. As an example, I can say that we all have some sort of visual as to what Harry, Hermoine, Luna, Ron, Ginny, and perhaps Daphne Greengrass might look like. However, in all of my readings with Tracy Davis, I have yet to concieve a good picture of her. One of the best things to do, as I was told by my Creative Writing teacher a few years ago, is to Show, rather than Tell. I'm not the greatest at doing this, however, if you put about 3/4 as much effort into your character descriptions as you do with your scene descriptions, they would be hell of a lot better.

Okay, I know I'm being spastic now, but I want to talk about your approach to the whole D/s and Slave aspect of the relationship here. I've read many a story, HP or otherwise, where the main character either is given slaves, willing or by force, and treats them as equals, they(The slaves) rebel against the idea and are eventualy freed, or are just so naturally submissive that it doesn't matter....and they hardly ever go into the punishment aspects of what is needed to be the Dominate in the relationship.... There are a few HP/Many Slave fics where one of the slaves(about 50% of the time it's Hermione) who enacts the whole idea of being a slave...and Harry doesn't seem to have a problem with that.

You...you however have Harry begin the D/s relationship, with him as the Dominant of course, and do go into the neccescity(I can never spell that word right) of punishment.

I like your style, I would love to see this story continue. If you wish it, I will give you my services as a BETA, if that will help. While I am not well versed in the community of Dominate/submissive, and cannot help you with that aspect of your story, I would offer to help with spelling and gramatical errors, as well as maybe a few ideas on describing people and objects.

Your fan,
Kuronosa Kunsai, Kitsune dimensional traveler
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