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Reviews for Eternal Mistakes On The Spotless Soul

By : CryingCinderella

From ApollinaV on October 07, 2008
Chapter 10-
Filler chapter. Caught us up on Ginny. I don't know if your readers are still spitting mad at this point. Though, nobody is as mad as Severus. He's in serious trouble of stroking out. Naturally I'm curious about the clues left behind, if any, but not holding my breath. Red herring and all. I almost expect you to be evil like that. Not that I don't love it. Curve balls are much appreciated. Anytime a reader knows for certain what's going to happen three chapters ahead something's wrong.
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From ApollinaV on October 07, 2008
Chapter 9-
Not surprised she ran. Not really. Not saying that I would, but I understand it, or at least I think I do. The yet unnamed boy was never wanted, she was a social pariah as a lycan killer, and felt more than ever-so-slightly emotionally detached. You stated her only constant friends were Harry and Ginny, well, that disolved. There's no support there. I was almost waiting, anticipating, Kingsley trapping Severus into being the tot's Dad. (Sad about nobody wanting to adopt the child given his parents) But as a plot device it works. Lovely.
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From ApollinaV on October 07, 2008
Chapter 8-
Oh my. There's always His story. Her story. And the truth. Does it absolve his/her guilt in the matter? Nope. But it does go a long way to shed understanding on the matter. Thank you for this. I knew whole big chunks were missing from the story, now it's starting to tie together.

At this point I still don't see reconcilation on the horizon, but I'm eager to keep reading.
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From ANON - sevsgirl on October 07, 2008
Bad author! Bad!

Cinderelli you should be crying!

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From TriniMinx on October 07, 2008
SLJH said:

"I honestly think Harry would be the best parent for the baby, if Hermione does not decide to keep her own baby. Not Severus. Severus is a dickhead -- just because he was in love with someone, it doesn't automatically make him a great guy. Look at who he loved: a rich, spoiled, immature, crybaby, pretty, princess, trophy "wife" that lived up to all his snobby expectations. If that's his ideal type, his complete opposite, then Hermione most definitely doesn't have a future with him even if they work out some kind of understanding. And she'll always have to be compared to pretty little dead Nalina -- he's not worth it."

and I 2nd that. I put that in one of my other reviewes. Especially, again, a great last sentence -- "pretty, little, dead Nalina."

Also,

"I like it because it doesn't try to make Hermione out to be some evil beast, but a human being that was lonely, went out to shake off some off some of that loneliness, got stupidly drunk, no, wasted, didn't stop Severus's persuit of her in the bathroom by telling him her real name BEFORE he fucked her (assuming she could even think straight enough for that), and then not contacting as soon as she found out she was pregnant (not that he would have cared, which she knew all along). She didn't go out of her way to blackmail him, trap him, she had no idea that it was his wedding she was being dragged to, she was mortified and remorseful, sympathetic and guilty, hormonal and emotional while trying to be rational. He should be telling HER that HE is sorry."

I 2nd this part too. Especially, the last sentence. Severus SHOULD be telling Hermione that HE is sorry. And I think it was Arabella Snape? Or also SLJH, again, that if this does turn into a HG/SS story it'll take a long time. And that quoted paragraph above, together with the story's resolve... I dunno I just can't see the HG/SS happening. It's a lot.

Though I am wondering, where in the world Hermione went. Since she didn't sign the papers, though she was supposed too, I assume something happened to her. And that leads me to believe you just opened up another part of your plot, and that this is going to be a looonnnnngggg story.

Lots of things in your literary webbed head :o)
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From Angie30 on October 07, 2008
So Loving this story! So many twists and turns keeps me on pins and needles. I can understand why Severus would be so angry with Hermione but in a sense he shouldn't take it out on a baby he hasn't even seen yet. Maybe if Severus does by off chance see the baby he might change his mind but I highly doubt it. I look forward to more chapters. Keep up the great work!
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From Heidi191976 on October 07, 2008
Excellent. I thought it was sad that Nalina and her baby girl died after being hit by a car. I think that Severus was a bit too harsh with Hermione about the baby. Even though the little boy is awaiting adoption, I think it would be great if Severus changes his mind and decides to raise the boy himself. I hope that he finds Hermione soon so that they can talk and figure out what to do. I look forward to reading more.
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From ANON - sljh on October 07, 2008
ArabellaSnape said:
"he will always resent the boy and even if he somehow manages to not loathe him he will always have the thought in the back of his mind that he should have had a silver eyed white haired daughter and not this boy who looks like him."

I agree with you. But chances are that his and Nalina's baby (assuming it was really his), would have probably looked just as much like him with that black hair and hooked nose as his and Hermione's baby, the only difference being it would have been a girl. If anything, moreso, since blonde and blue (grey) eyes are recessive traits. Both he and Hermione share dominant traits, so their son may end up looking more like her than him.

That just shows you how shallow he is, where he puts one baby above the other based on not only who the mother's are/were (and what they looked like), but what the babies do and/or would have looked like.

Here's another scenario: What if he rushed Nalina to the clinic and the healers were able to do a magical c-section, and save the baby? And what if that baby ended up having black hair, black eyes and (eventually) a big nose? Would he resent it because it didn't look like it's mother? Would a baby that was it's mother's look alike be a painful reminder or blessing? I doubt he would have been any more rational about that than he's being about his illegitimate son.
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From ArabellaSnape on October 07, 2008
Ah, yes well. That was a start at least although I still feel that he should at least feel a twinge of something for the boy besides disgust and hatred.

Maybe I don't want him to have anything to do with the child after all, no child should have to grow up knowing their parent hates them. And he does hate the boy. No matter what may happen in the future even if he and Hermione somehow find themselves in a relationship and decide to keep the child he will always resent the boy and even if he somehow manages to not loathe him he will always have the thought in the back of his mind that he should have had a silver eyed white haired daughter and not this boy who looks like him. No child should ever have to live in such an environment.

I was properly chastised and have a box of Kleenex handy but the Ben & Jerry's was a no-go. I much prefer Haagen-Dazs. I await your next chapter, I have become an addict and this fic is my narcotic of choice. Bravo woman, bravo.

Now, where in the bloody blazes did that bushy haired know-it-all go? And why in the hell is Ginny allowed to be happy when she has destroyed so many with her actions, that malicious little b***h! I hope she gets hers in the end and hopefully there is an explanation about why she and Draco had to ruin the wedding. Until next time.
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From catysmom1028 on October 07, 2008
I like it. Please update soon.

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From ANON - sljh on October 07, 2008
Oh and btw,
Even though this is an interesting story, I still think it should be categorized differently.
I cannot see a resolution to a healthy and happy relationship between SS and HG, so this, from start to finish, probably will never be a SS/HG story.
Try:
SS/Other
General
Ginny/Draco

If it works out for SS/HG, it will take a LONG time, a LOT of explaining and talking and getting to know each other, a lot of healing. Meanwhile, there is a newborn baby boy that needs to be cared for, so she needs to either step up or sign over to Harry as a temporary or permanent guardian.

JMO
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From KellyJCR on October 07, 2008
As I am to curious for my own damn good, my little pussy doen't have any lives left. Still it doesn't stop me, I am just more cautious. I am disappointed to know that Ginny divorced Harry for Draco (I hope we find out why.). I am plesed to see that Harry is stepping up to be the responsible party for the littlest Snape. That being said I am absoulutly chomping at the keyboard to find out where Hermione is. I am nearly sitting on my computer checking updates every hour. Thank circe that I have a football game to get to or I might get a cramp, the computer is uncomfotable at best. Waiting not so patiently for the next installment. Well done!!!!!
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From ANON - sljh on October 07, 2008
Getting interesting, getting interesting. MmHm. Especially if he reads her diary and finds out her perspective on some things, perhaps realizing how wasted she really was if he didn't already know.

I get why Hermione wanted to leave, probably was planning on it all along during her pregnancy and just waiting until she had the baby. In fact, that little outburst by Severus probably just expedited her departure, not caused it.

My guess? She originally wanted to leave the baby with it's bio-father, Severus, and then just go far away, tired of being ostrasized by the British wizarding community, and was willing to accept Draco's help via Ginny. How Draco and Ginny went about it, it's clear she was not privy to all the details, especially since they seemed to have their own agenda.

**Which brings me back to the same question as to what their motivation could possibly be to break up Severus and Nalina's wedding, instead of simply doing it days before or waiting until after? You'd think Draco would want his sister to marry Severus. Karma has come back to bite him on the ass too, because now his sister is dead and it is indirectly his fault. Good show, Draco.

I still think it's sad that she didn't want to, or thinks she's incapable of keeping, her own baby, even if it was conceived from a drunken fuck in dance club restroom. Perhaps we'll find out what the pregnancy meant to her, any emotions she was feeling while her baby was growing inside of her. So far, she hasn't acted resentful so much as resigned.

I honestly think Harry would be the best parent for the baby, if Hermione does not decide to keep her own baby. Not Severus. Severus is a dickhead -- just because he was in love with someone, it doesn't automatically make him a great guy. Look at who he loved: a rich, spoiled, immature, crybaby, pretty, princess, trophy "wife" that lived up to all his snobby expectations. If that's his ideal type, his complete opposite, then Hermione most definitely doesn't have a future with him even if they work out some kind of understanding. And she'll always have to be compared to pretty little dead Nalina -- he's not worth it.

I like this story because it doesn't follow that same fluffy plot line, actually. I like it because it doesn't try to make Hermione out to be some evil beast, but a human being that was lonely, went out to shake off some off some of that loneliness, got stupidly drunk, no, wasted, didn't stop Severus's persuit of her in the bathroom by telling him her real name BEFORE he fucked her (assuming she could even think straight enough for that), and then not contacting as soon as she found out she was pregnant (not that he would have cared, which she knew all along). She didn't go out of her way to blackmail him, trap him, she had no idea that it was his wedding she was being dragged to, she was mortified and remorseful, sympathetic and guilty, hormonal and emotional while trying to be rational. He should be telling HER that HE is sorry.

Excellent -- keep posting. You spoiled us with all of these updates in quick successions.
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From TriniMinx on October 07, 2008
BTW, I also just read the review left by "sljh" from 2008-10-07 and I completely agree. You might want to follow that advice...

-- Yes, how old is Nalina exactly? Was she of age? Seems to me she's younger than Draco. And in her 6th year? That would be AFTER Draco graduated I assume. Therefore, your Snape is seeming a little sketchy to me, not to mention at complete and utter bastard (as I said in my previous review).

-- Which brings me to your Lucius Malfoy... How in the world did he, of all people, approve such a match? Someone else said it pretty good, comparing it to Jerry Springer (LOL -- I got a laugh out of that comparision). "I'm underage and in love with my father's best friend, who is a death eater, who swept me off my feet in some strange older man, and then cheated on me with one of his other students. All the while, making her pregnant, making me pregnant before we got married. And to top it off I found out on my wedding day and died." lol Lordy.

-- Your Severus is also giving your Hermione the blame for quite a lot here. There is a lot of misdirected anger. This doesn't seem at all like a path to romance. And so I do believe you should consider changing your category to "Angst," with other warnings of emotional torture/abuse in your description.
-----Otherwise, it's completely misleading. I know that myself, had I just seen your story off the bat, with the appropriate warnings would not have set out to read it at all. I intially thought it was going to turn out to be a 'trouble at the beginning-coming into its own-romance.' But it seems to me that you aren't even thinking about doing that which was made clear in your previous Author's Notes have said. Your warning of just plain "violence" doesn't begin to cover it.
------ If your intentions were, as you said before, for it to be possible for Severus to love someone else and not Hermione, this shouldn't be a SS/HG story. This should be SS/OTHER. As others have pointed out, I don't see any SS/HG here at all. And a one night-stand does not count as SS/HG at all.

-- Ginny/Draco seem more like the happy romantic couple in this story. To my understanding a HG/SS story means that they are together in some shape or form, and if not, warnings need to be attached. That's what a "ship" is. It's a "relationship," whether good or bad, that needs to be explained. A HG/SS story doesn't mean he loves someone else, it means he loves her. And I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, as I'm sure you already know all of this...but just consider it a bit more.

-- You have also opened a Pandora's Box of Potter saying he'll take the baby. Instead of just having him say so, I think the best thing for ALL of your characters, is for Potter to take the baby. Your next chapter should include Severus or someone bringing the baby to Harry and Harry adopting it. End of story. I guess I have a real problem with the fact that you're bouncing the baby around. I mean the Nalina situation itself is a sad mess with her and the baby dying, but still...there IS A BABY WHO IS ALIVE and I just don't like it.

-- There are multiple storylines going on here. I think you should have Harry adopt the baby for the time being, or "take" the baby for the time being. Then leave you story to concentrate on Severus finding Hermione. Sort out that situation first. Then bring back in the topic of the baby and Ginny/Draco.
OR
I suggest, change the direction of your story completely and make it a Draco/Ginny or Severus/OTHER.

Anyway, it's your story to do what you choose with, these were just some of my personal thoughts and suggestions. I'm still going to wait for your next update to see what happens, but I'm not sure I'm going to keep reading after that...it's too much.

Best of luck and update soon :o)
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From ANON - cranky tuesday reviewer on October 07, 2008
OMG - Are you kidding me?

What's happening? Are you mad? How can you possibly get them together after this?

A brilliantly written tribute to tragedy.

:::stomps foot:::

Now where's my happy ending?!
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