Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for The Unseen

By : Kooldragon400

From smmz79 on November 28, 2008
YEAAAHHHH oh wow great chap!!!! poor hermione it must be hard to be a shell of your former self, to allow someone who is supposed to love you beat you down and take away your freedom and who you are.... it had to be tough for her at hogwarts to realize that she would have to struggle so hard from rock bottom... i love severus and i like how he is able to tone down his snark!!! and how sweet of james he really is a good guy and sooo sweet... i just love the connection between him and hermione... and his friends are helping that is just to sweet... OMG ron ron ron well you just got your ass handed to you by greyback... greyback definitely got revenge for what happened to his son... and hermione got to see it all, soooo now to the important part, a boon from greyback this could be REALLY helpful for hermione but i am not sooo sure that bella will find this to be a good, ok so she is going to tell harry this should be good... i wonder how he will take it or even if he will believe her??? ok so i have another thought on why there may be a wedge between harry and james... well james was obviously a slytherin and harry despised slytherins... you know all the witches and wizards in slytherin turn bad or whatever... well that would have affected harry to have his son in that house esp since he fought so hard against the sorting hat when it wanted to place him there... i know this is minor but i think that it could have helped harry make some of his opinions when it comes to james...
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From RyGirl824 on November 24, 2008
Aww, James'll be a wonderful teacher!! He's nothing to worry about. I''m sure of it.
:D
Great chapter! Can't wait for more!
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From LolaDiBlack on November 24, 2008
Oh my baby!! you are so awesome I love you, now on the story: that's it go on Greyback Kill the bastard ( I still Hate you mutt) but I hate him more and Bella well I don't care what you do really, but if you dare to even think about my dragon I will rip you apart limb by limb, are we clear? Good, now go on an kill the veggie, I loved the chapter as always, so update soon and take care

Love
Lola
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From LadyWinterhartZC on November 21, 2008
Yay! Another chapter. For the record, i think Snape Sr. is the "Master". He could also be the half-ling or that could be James (i can't decide yet).
Please update again soon. Oh, and kill ron painfully please.
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From smmz79 on November 21, 2008
yeah a new chap!!!! ok so bella and fenrir interesting combo so i am guessing the answer to my earlier question about bella is that she is on the side of the bad but what else could we really expect from her... i am glad she in this chap i do enjoy the way you write her... ok so who is this informant on the inside??? Draco?? i hope not he would be going against his daughter, of course i am not sure that he knows about her little membership... could it be severus??? hmm i am not sure on that either, i am actually thinking that this insider for the remaining death eaters has not been read about yet??? but i am not sure... ok so james is packing for hogwarts, ohh i hope the students like him as well but i am sure that they will of course there will be the ones that will be against him but i think he will overcome that, at least i hope... and harry sent him a howler, hmm i am still interested in learning more on their relationship... oh lmao tobias with pink hair omg thats good.. i can just imagine the scowl on his face... great job
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From strberrypoptart on November 21, 2008
Hello
I'm a long time reader but this is my first review. I like the story and I hope you will finish it. I hate when I really get in to a story and then it stops and author doesn't finish it. I like your new people. I know who their fathers are but who are their mothers, and where are they now? Keep up the good work.
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From distinctlyME on November 21, 2008
Hey there!
Abandon your story my love? I could never do that! Even if I wasn't sure or didn't think I liked it, I would simply put up the effort b/c I like you as a writer and as such would put my valuable time in your hands in the hope that you story had potential. Luckily thats not the case and I'm thoroughly enthralled with this story.

I must say that your writing improves as the chapters go on. I am very very impressed. Although I loved your previous story I must admit it was very childish to some aspects when it came to the characters emotions. Minus Ruby's capture and torture scenes(DONT GET ME WRONG. I LOVED IT AND STILL WILL LOVE IT. And it worked with and for your characters given their age in that story) Anyways, I just am very happy to see when a new chapter posts its even better and more expressive and intriguing than the next.

Anyways, I'm glad you are independent. I was pretty positive you were, but I had to check. I would hate to think such a talented writer is influenced not from people for ideas, but by people b/c of their ideas.

I wished it were a bit longer, but since I am guilty of short chapters as well I really shouldn't complain should I? It'd be very hypocritical and uncouth of me.

haha till next time my dear, where I can learn more about Bella and Fenrir, and their plot to take over Hogwarts
With Love and a Smile,
dM
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From distinctlyME on November 17, 2008
I AM BACK! And ready to review. I promise no abandoning, just a major ass kicking handed to me by life.
It's been an emotional and hard few weeks. So I've been pretty low and exceptionally busy and tired.
I had read chapter 8 but didnt have time to review, so I came back tonight to do so, and what do you know there's a whole new chapter. YEAAAHHH!

So...here we go...
Chapter 8:
I love that you take your readers suggestions to heart, I just hope you do it because you like what's being said and it really works for you, and not because you're hoping to please us. That being said, I really wasn't sure about it. I know I know right? I suggested it. But I seemed to see it in print, and was like....WHY DID I SUGGEST THAT!? lmao. It just felt....while it was a good transition into Chapter 9(not until you wrote chapter 9 did I think this of course)....it was lacking something. I thought maybe everything should have come out in that chapter....but then of course I read chapter 9 and was like...nope it works in a drawn out way.
So I really hope you take peoples suggestions fully based on what you like for your story and not for a "This is to please my readers". If thats the case....I really hope you write from the heart from now on. If its not the case, well then I'm glad you like suggestions.
Am I rambling at all? I feel as if I am.

Chapter 9:
*sigh* Poor Hermione. She's just not Hermione. It's so sad to see her spirit broken like that.
I love Snape...he's such an open snarky character. I must admit...I would really love to see some hidden emotions of Snape fly through this story, especially regarding Hermione. He always belittled her in the books, but I had this sneaking suspicion that it's because he knew he could push her into excellence and not b/c he hated her. I always thought he held a secret soft spot for her intelligence. I like the emotion you did show for him about Ronald though. I like getting into his thoughts, and I love the way you do.
Oh James...I just want to hug him. Nothing is ever easy for the Potters is it? lol
And this Master seems strikingly familiar....do we know him or is he a figment of your imagination come alive on the computer screen?

Keep up the good work missy. The further along this story gets, the more intrigued I am to solve the questions I have.
I plan to have the second chapter of my rewrite up tonight. I'm in a literary mood. So if I do, I hope you'll read and rate and review. I'd love to hear all your feedback and any suggestions or questions you my have.
'Till next time.
dM
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From LadyBlueEyes on November 17, 2008
YAY - Draco has made an appearance...LOL.

i'm happy to see Draco as a caring father and nothing at all like Lucius was when he was young. Draca seems to be a very spirited young woman, kind of like Hermione in her younger days.

James is very much like the father who has seemingly turned his back on him.....a man who fights for whats right and defends others. Will Harry ever open his eyes?

Now we have an appearance by the "Master" - I look forward to seeing what this Master is possibly planning and who this Master is!

Wonderful update!

Lady B*
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From ANON - Apple on November 17, 2008
oh my... A wonderful story i would say..

But I have a feeling that this will take a long time to finish...

I just can't wait to get my hands on your next chappie.... ^^
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From smmz79 on November 17, 2008
woo hoo... first of all let me say thank you for allowing me to guess no matter how far away i am from what is really going on, i still love trying to guess... ok so heavy chap here... wow an outburst from draco. hmm and of course he would hate that hermione was abused bc he saw it in his own father.... snape is funny i do like him so much... and wow she really opened up to draca but that is good she has been holding it in for way to long... and woo hoo we got a little teaser of the master, i am still no where near knowing who it is but you did give us some hints... it is someone who knows about what is happening to hermione and what ron is doing to her it is also someone who knows enough about each member of the group to know their past and their parents past... also it is someone who has lived a life of lies and secrets hmm.... ok great chap i can not wait to read whats going to happen next... great job....
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From RyGirl824 on November 17, 2008
Oh good, I'm glad Phelan is ok!
I love how Draco got so emotional over Hermione's story, and especially James. Tell our James-y that he just has to be strong for 'Mione, its ok that he didn't see it before, he's helping her NOW. :D
Great chapter. Thanks for the update!
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From LolaDiBlack on November 17, 2008
Oh I'm so freaking flatter!!! I'm jumping on my seat haha my friends here at college think I lost my last screw LOL but this chapter was awesome, like James *hugs* was so cute he almost made me cry *Don't cwy my little dwagon* and it's about fucking time you snapped out of it woman, I mean Hermione Granger being subjected to that fucking overgrown veggie was just about to get on my last good neuron. Draco and Draca well thank you and to the others like my lost love *you broke my heart Seviee* you can be so dense sometimes but I sure it won't happen again *like everything with you*, the Master well I won't dwell on him just yet. Great chapter, update soon and take lots of care.

Love to all
Lola
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From starrynite45 on November 14, 2008
Whoa, Hermione seems to have a serious problem! Yeah, I agree and understand about what behind her condition. I just didn't think about the time line in story. My dad once being a drunk head for over 20 years because of my mom's condition too but after he fell sick then he was changed after he could put down all the rest.

Well, I know you already told us that it would take a bit long before Hermione/Draco but I'm honestly impatient! LOL It's a very good story and I'll follow every update :)
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From LolaDiBlack on November 14, 2008
you are kidding me right? tell you are freaking kidding and I have just gone into a bad case of an acid trip! YOU ARE CRUEL!!!! *sobs loudly*, I love the chapter but it was just hurtful to leave it just like that, THERE! I want to know more PLEASE I beg you update soon, *XOXO James*
and some little love for my favorite blonds *Lucius you knew from the very beggining it wouldn't have worked between us darling and well Draco you are just too not so your father I love both of you anyways* well update soon, take care, read you later.

Love
Lola

Ps: Awww my Dragon said Overgrown Carrot... you are just so perfect sweet I love you James Potter
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