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Reviews for Where do we go from here?

By : jasminejoanleigh
  • From LisaJean on December 30, 2008
    If you spent as much time revising your chapters as you do reposting your story, you might have a well written story on your hands; as it stands right know, it is gapping with spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors and this fourth chapter doesn't even look like you've revised it from the original.
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  • From Tenar10r on December 30, 2008
    This copy is much better than the first version. It is easy to see that a lot of care was put into the current revision.
    You have a very nice story concept and I am looking forward to reading further chapters. If you wish a second Beta reader please
    feel free to ask me at tenar10r@yahoo.com. I am offering because I feel that this story is going to be fantastic! Please keep writing;
    you seem to get better and better every time. :)

    I do have a few suggestions for the first three lines of your story.
    "2 weeks is up" = 'Two weeks ARE up' -the word 'weeks' is plural and therefore needs a plural verb and you spell out numbers.
    "someone for you our choice" = 'someone for you; our choice'- a hard pause in a sentence needs a semi-colon.
    "you must have copulate with your" = 'you must copulate with your' -removed the word 'have'. Alternately you could phrase it as
    "you must have copulation with your"; but then I think I would choose the word 'intercourse' instead of "copulate".

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