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Reviews for Lamia's Lament

By : Yokailover
  • From HeartStar on March 17, 2017

    More please when u can thank you.


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  • From ANON - Mariah on October 29, 2015
    So far really enjoying this. Kudos. Give us more soon.
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  • From devilsmomma on March 08, 2013
    love the story and can't wait for more. please let me know of any updates at onecent1960@hotmail.com
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  • From Mashkai30 on August 25, 2012
    I really love that you chose naga and lamia as the creatures for this story as they are so uncommonly used.
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  • From ANON - Jessica on January 20, 2012
    this is such a good story! update soon!
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  • From ladylizzy on October 31, 2011
    I'm enjoying your story and interested to see where you take it.
    I am glad that you are letting Harry keep a little of his assertiveness even if he is submissive to the 2 powerful men. Sometimes authors lose the "Harryness" lol They forget that he is independent and likes to think for himself and they make him a little TOO submissive. So far I think you're doing great!
    And thank you for keeping Sirius alive :D
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  • From firebolt86 on December 17, 2010
    cant wait for more!!!
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  • From Chakahlah on September 29, 2010
    Oh this is wonderful!!!! i can't wait to see what happens next!
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  • From thrnbrooke on September 08, 2010
    Soooo need chapter 8!!! Is Sirius his other parent? No traits of Lily's but her eyes.
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  • From ANON - dominique1 on July 27, 2010
    so sirius will be harry/s father or mother cool i so hope they find out at first i din't read because it sounded boring but now i love it update soon
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  • From ANON - Jennifer on July 17, 2010
    I like it. I like where you are taking this, and I can't wait to see where the Lily/Harry connection actually is.... I'm guessing that Harry is more likely the child of James and Sirius rather than James and Lily........
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  • From CodyMThomas on July 17, 2010
    I think that you are doing a great job of keeping pace with the original author's style, and I like the story a lot. I hope there will be more soon! ^_^
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  • From Smailii1805 on July 17, 2010
    Hello!

    Since your summary sounded very intruiging, I clicked on this and I really LIKED the idea of Nagas and Lamias (because Snakes are sexy^^). Your Dumbledore was really refreshing, because he wasn't plain evil but rather obsessed with doing what is right no matter the price. But unfortunately I have to agree with LadySybil here: Your story is very badly structured. The first chapter was still okay, but now it slowly getting ridiculous. I mean, HEDWIG POV?! What the hell?!

    What I mean to say: You change the perspective WAY(!) too often and chose too many narrators as well. Harry, Snape, Voldemort those I can understand because they seem to be the protagonists. But Poppy, Dumbledore, Hermione, Hedwig?! I mean, a bird?!(By the way, you DO realize that animals don't have the same thinking patterns than humans?)

    I just wanted to give you some advise on that. Don't change perspective more than once or twice a chapter. You can't really enjoy a story if you have to adapt to a new narrator every few sentences, (because that's an interruption of the 'flow' no matter how you do it.) Try to avoid explaining the actions of your antagonists (which seems to be Dumbledore) because then your reader's actually get to be surprised when their plans enfold and that would be nice, wouldn't it?

    Try to connect the different scenes logically, try to explain the when, where, how of things. For example, how does Poppy meet Voldemort? How does she know where he is, how to contact him. You just said she was in school with but that doesn't really explain why they apparently kept in touch. Why does Ron flirt with Pansy of all people? In which year is Harry? You see, there are still a lot plotholes you need to work on...

    Just so you know: I DO think this idea has the potential to be a good fanfiction. You just need to structure it and fleshen it up.

    Fruehling
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  • From sanda on July 17, 2010
    good chapter
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  • From on July 16, 2010
    Sigh..... bashie, bashie, bashie makes an extremely bad story.... enough said.
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