Click Here!

Reviews for Abandoned Child

By : Dreamer27
  • From JtheChosen1 on July 05, 2009
    UPDATE MORE PLEASE :D

    Man, this was great! Everyone except Deimos are such mean jerks to Lucas. Honestly, to make it more interesting, Deimos should just take Lucas away, since Lucas' suppsed 'family' cares nothing for him.

    Awesome work again!!!
    Report Review

  • From KamirineGoddess on July 05, 2009
    This story is okay is pretty bland to be honest. It's very generic with it's premise (I.E.: Harry going 'dark' while having a twin or sibling that gets the 'Boy-Who/Girl-Who-Lived-Title' while he is being generally ignored by the world and amazingly, his own parents. And naturally, he has to be abused by someone. The only thing that wasn't cliche` was that he 1.) Didn't end up in Slytherin. 2.)Didn't end up with Malfoy.), not to mention it gets slightly confusing in a few chapters because you literally go from one person's point of view and without warning, move on something else entirely with no real desertion as to when or even how. (Such as in chapter four, you went from Rosier to Harry/Lucus going home for his welcome home party. It was very muddled.) The plot also seems to change in it's speed, meaning that one moment, you explain certain things and events in a nicely detailed fashion and good pace then the very next moment, it seems to speed through, making a person have to reread paragraph just to ensure they got what exactly was going on correctly.

    Not to mention arguably, some people are OoC.

    Overall, it really doesn't stand out but it's not so bad that it's cringe worthy either like most of the 'Harry has a twin/sibling' stories I've read.
    Report Review

  • From JtheChosen1 on July 03, 2009
    Holy cow this is great! Keep up the excellent work!
    Report Review

  • From Secretx3 on June 30, 2009
    This is an interesting story and I hope you continue with this until the end. The only thing I really have to say is that instead of giving a character description of Rosier, you should have integrated the description into the story. When Harry/Lucas and Rosier meet you could have Harry/Lucas describe him to us. As for the wand, you could always say that he pulled out his Yew wand and put a footnote with the rest of the description. It's just that the majority of people do not read the A/N and could have missed the description, and also you really should be putting it in your story.

    On the other hand, I really enjoy reading this and am looking forward to your future updates.
    Report Review

  • From CherryStarburst on June 30, 2009
    I've gotta wonder, why didn't you tell us of the conversations between this new character and Harry before? It's the whole show, not tell principle - showing things through writing is much more appealing than just telling us readers. This sudden relationship seems very unplanned, and it would have been better if you'd written it happening, just maybe adding a small scene where they met each other, a couple of other scenes to show a developing relationship somewhere in the first chapters, or even as a flashback, or else it'll be harder for your readers to accept a relationship between Harry and Rosier. Also, descriptions of your characters need to be slowly told through story as opposed to character profiles - seriously, most readers will skip them, and not get a sense of what your character looks like, how he acts, etc. Slightly better chapter than the previous two, and I hope you add more in Harry's POV, you write it quite well.
    Report Review

  • From KatrinaCarter on June 29, 2009
    I'm glad you stopped adding the specks about the children. It would have been better if you had just made a chapter dedicated to the specks of each person you wrote/added.

    It's a good story, and I wonder what will happen now that people will see what had happened to Harry. What will happen to the Potters? Will they ever see the Lightening Bolt on his shoulder? Hope you can update soon!
    Report Review

  • From brighteyes343 on June 21, 2009
    hope you update soon
    Can we have longer chapters
    Report Review

  • From CherryStarburst on June 20, 2009
    Whoa, suddenly everything got really, really extreme, and you keep contradicting everything. I thought Black and Lupin were teaching DADA, yet Quirrel was? They don't take Care of Magical Creatures until year 3, by the way, and Hagrid didn't start teaching until then, anyway. Also, no-one would be that hateful, especially teachers. Professor Sprout & Hagrid have no reason to dislike Harry, nor does McGonagall. Lupin wouldn't have given Harry a detention, personal feelings aside (which, by the way, I don't get), because he's just too sensible. And why do Remus and Sirius suddenly hate Harry with a fiery passion, anyway? Nothing made sense in this chapter. I hope you change it, because I was actually enjoying this story. Sorry for the harsh criticism, but it needed to be said
    Report Review

  • From hawkswench on June 20, 2009
    I'm not sure what happened with this chapter but it was kind of disjointed and quite unbelievable that for almost two years that a whole school would hate him along with the professors allowing all the things to go against him from the other students for saying that no one visited him. The fact that they forgot about him and that he wasn't there at the feast would have showed he spoke the truth.
    Report Review

  • From serenagold on June 19, 2009
    Yikes!! I hope he ends up being ok. :(
    Report Review

  • From Juled on June 18, 2009
    One thing I liked about your other stories was that while they were angsty they were also at least plausible. These last two chapters make no sense and you offer no real explanation for everyone's intense and continuing hostility toward Harry/Lucas, especially from the family members who know damn well that yes in fact they did forget Harry at the Dursleys and now are showing no interest in his life there at all. It seems that you didn't really think this through, you just wanted to make him suffer as much as possible before the 'big reveal'. Your werewolf story is much more promising and your original and child of azkaban and even owned husband stories have more original premises. I hope you'll turn back to those soon.
    Report Review

  • From danawarner on June 18, 2009
    Poor Lucas! His Family is so MEAN! He's a child THEY FORGOT!
    Report Review

  • From slashslut on June 18, 2009
    god, poor harry! i hope his situation gets better soon and he fights back or he gets rescued!
    Report Review

  • From bill560682 on June 18, 2009
    now i think you need to add a small bit about the fact the house elves bath the children and change them which is why no one saw harry's scar, in chapter 1.
    Report Review

  • From Juana13 on June 18, 2009
    Poor harry. i hope he finds someone to love in the end. And maybe he will have a happy adult life, probably teaching all those people a thing or two. ugh, i hate everyone, except harry, in this story. : (
    update soon please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Report Review

T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!