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Reviews for Abandoned Child

By : Dreamer27
  • From Dhalim on June 18, 2009
    Its an interesting story, but it's going too fast. In the 4 chapters you've written, i cant tell if it's your writing style or you're skipping over his younger years to get to the more action-filled mid-teen age. If that is the case, perhaps you should have started there and explained his past in a series of choice flash backs and explanations. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the actual story part of this story ^^ hope you get there soon.
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  • From Ann10550 on June 18, 2009
    It is Daily Prophet not Profit.........and you have some other errors but that can be taken care of by just rereading your work....
    Anyways I like the story...but I wish that you made it a bit more realistic.. Everyone cannot hate him make him have a friend at least or there will be no hope for him to be anytime of semi-well adjusted adult.
    Please update this story and the rest of your stories soon.......I like you writing (sans the mistakes)
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  • From on June 18, 2009
    i love it
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  • From Bookworm51485 on June 18, 2009
    I think your going a bit too far to the melodramatic route. Everybody hates him, nobody cares, every single adult in his presence is just that immature. It's extremely unrealistic and it tends to be the problem with this type of story. Every author so wants Harry to be the perfect abused Gar Sue that they completely disregard reality. Personally, I'd take a step back and try to find that reality again. Not EVERY single person is going to hate him, treat him like crap, ignore him, etc.
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  • From jasperking12 on June 15, 2009
    love the story want the next chapter up soon or if i could get an email when you next update would be good too its different bwl story and that good can't wait to see what the pairing is going to be latter and who is it though is what i want to know but hope the next chapter is longer though and this is the first one that ive seen in revan cal (sp) instead of slystherin is were i thought you were going to put him but hope you continue the story
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  • From Ithilwen on June 14, 2009
    This is a good one.. I can't wait for more..

    But I don't tink you need to write the signature looks and stuff of all the potter children everytime. Unless there is a special reason for it!
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  • From brighteyes343 on June 14, 2009
    hope you update all your stories soon
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  • From Madhater on June 14, 2009
    oh my gosh u have to update this soon i love it and i feel so sad for harry. i was really sad to see the end of chapter 3 i wanted more, so please update soon
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  • From Phoenix5 on June 14, 2009
    Hello,
    I like this story and want to know what will come next.

    I must say that something is bothering me, and I saw the exact same mistake in other stories.
    You write that Lily is : Evans n
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  • From CherryStarburst on June 14, 2009
    I like the story, but I think you need a beta or should proof-read once you've written the chapters. You miss out a lot of standard punctuation, which dusrupts the flow of the story. Also, the character descriptions aren't really necessary. Show what they look like, what their wands are like, in the story, rather than tell us at the end. It's a lot better, and people aren't likely to skip it if you subtly add in bits about the character throughout the course of the story. At least, for me, I completely skipped the character profiles - they just don't appeal. Other than that, the story is really good. You write Harry's angst very well - it's not horribly overdone, and seems to be in character. At least he's not turned dark and began hating everyone and everything and turns to Voldemort or anything non-sensical like that, he's just sad no-one likes him. I hope he makes friends! Hope you continue soon!
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  • From Bookworm51485 on June 13, 2009
    Ummmm... it's a little ridiculous to have his brother and sister feel outraged at him saying that he'd never met them and they'd never visited him, when they themselves should know that they hadn't. I know this style of story usually tries to write everything in extremes. Harry is as abused as possible, people around him are as uncaring as possible, life is as miserable as possible, everyone is as irrational as possible in their condemnation of Harry, etc. But sometimes logic must prevail.
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  • From danawarner on June 12, 2009
    Poor Harry.
    But why are the Potters being so mean. Wouldn't Lily talk to Petunia about Harry?
    To find out why Harry supposedly doesn't like them? Stupid people, the lot of them.
    And why are the Ravenclaws shunning him. They're supposed to be the SMART house.
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  • From kyuubifreak on June 12, 2009
    so horrible!! please update soon. they are assholes for abandoned him.
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  • From yourblackrose on June 12, 2009
    i hope you update soon it sounds really good
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  • From JudyBisbee on April 19, 2009
    Good story so far keep going
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