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Reviews for Deserving (Final Chapter)

By : tana97
  • From ANON - Ellie on June 21, 2009
    This looks like it's shapping up to be an interesting story. Usually the master doesn't actually want to enforce the bond which I always thought was a waste of a perfectly good plot. Btw I think you ment to use the word 'actually' instead of 'acutely' in the sentence "People acutely did this for pleasure?" It looks like you've thought this story out very well and have obviously put a lot of thought into all the elements into which you'll later delve and made good set ups for them. So here are the bad points: your dialogue in the confrontaion between Harry and the Wesealeys seems clunky. I know you're trying to get your point across and certainly character (what tipped me off that this would be a good story was that Ron would so willingly stand up for Snape) but none the less: clunky. Also when Harry's raping Snape I know you're sparing us the agony of a very graphic rape scene and you have my undying thanks for that but it reads like Harry thrust once, maybe stayed in there for a while, and was done with it. That said I'm suffering from a terrible sort of excitment waiting for the next installment of your story.
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