Reviews for A Little PolishingBy : ronsmistress |
First, I'm going to say that while it's a cliche plot device (Hermione gets a makeover and she and Draco fall in love), you actually do have an original way of presenting it.
I'm going to highly recommend, however, that you read through the story. You have a lot of typos, some of which completely change the meaning of sentences.
Now, my big issue is chapter six. I know you wanted to push them to have sex. And I realize that your Hermione is OOC and she doesn't have the strength of will that Rowling's Hermione does. But I honestly don't see any self-respecting woman coming into a room complaining about being seen only as an object for intercourse and then engaging in said activity with the person to whom she's complaining. Basically, he did the same thing Ron did, only there's no other woman involved for her to offend.
I'm affronted, to be frank, that you chose to do that. You've completely obliterated the self-respect she was slowly gaining. She was learning to appreciate herself as a woman, a desirable female who could attract more than one male with her wiles. If it weren't for the fact that your Draco is completely OOC, I would expect him to turn the tables radically now and declare to her that he was grateful for the interlude, but their intrigue is at an end, and could she please be on her way.
I'm certain that such an impact was not at all what you intended. It negates entirely the progress you had made toward building Hermione's self-confidence. Perhaps tweaking that section so that it not only doesn't come off as rushed, but reflects more of her attained self-image would help maintain the atmosphere of her respecting her own worth.
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