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Reviews for In the end

By : AGD
  • From gummyorgy on July 19, 2009
    Is it wrong for me to think that was sort of cute...? You had some very powerful imagery there, I rarely see Lucius written as even remotely submissive in that sort of relationship, it's nice to see someone write it for once even if it was just a short drabble. You need a bit of practice with syntax and such but I think you've got a hell of a lot of potential, you drew me in and I didn't get sick of it, and that's what's honestly important. Very nice, I'm going to be keeping an eye on you.
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  • From tambrathegreat on June 23, 2009
    I liked the concept. Snucius is delicious. I also liked how you tied the past into the present and the future. It gave continuity to the concept of the story.
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  • From Jilliane on June 23, 2009

    Thank you for editing the spacing.

    Wow...this story was very dark, full of Severus' hidden dark desires and Lucius' hidden kinks. It is a good premise for a story about these two, because there's always that wonder about them, that hint of shared darkness between these two enigmatic characters, and I think you did a good job in portraying that. Interesting too, that you had Harry "give" Lucius to Severus; although we always want to believe that Harry is a good and kind boy, he's seen so much darkness and with his hatred of Lucius, perhaps it has affected him. Interesting concept.

    I will say, however, that you could use the help of a beta. Your story has very strong, dark and powerful images, and help with puncuation would provide more impact; you're missing commas and semi-colons in a lot of places, and there are a few instances where you're using the wrong tense of a word, or the wrong word altogether, most notably in your use of "then" for "than". I don't mean this to be a flame, only as constructive criticism, because I really do think it is a good, strong story, which could be made even more powerful.
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  • From Jilliane on June 23, 2009


    I'm sorry. I wanted to read this. I tried to read it, but it is just too hard on the eyes all crammed together like that. I'd like to ask you to please edit it and correct your spacing, and then I would like to read it then. Sorry to whinge, but it really is impossible to read with this spacing issue.
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