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Reviews for Ultimatum

By : Nioshireami
  • From on July 24, 2009
    Interesting...

    I realize you said that you haven't had the time to edit it and I only have two complaints so far: your grammar and the characters depiction.

    Your grammar is a little off, you wrote this several years ago so its no surprise really I'm sure you've improved greatly, but you only need one '!' to get the point across and might I suggest using italics and bolded letters over ALL CAPS? Paragraphs are 4-6 sentences long, the large chunks were extremely hard to read and I kept losing my place. Now I have dyslexia and I'm pretty bad with the grammatical and spelling errors as well! My mind auto corrects and half the time I don't realize I wrote something backwards or wrong so I'm not trying to take a stab at you, and like I said I'm sure you've improved a lot.

    The characters seem a little...'flat', they don't have much personality. I'm sad to say the only one that seemed human was Snape and he was being 'monster'. I was sadly reminded of Twilight as I read through it minus the sparkling fabulous Vampires. I was slightly impressed with how well you did the rape scene, everyone reacts differently a situation like that her reaction was believable but it felt like it lacked the emotional impact behind it.

    Like I've said before this is several years ago and I'm sure you've improved a lot. Editing is always nice however.
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