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Reviews for Insomnia

By : marsmodellover
  • From angelnomiko on August 13, 2009
    wow that was awsome please please update soon i would lvoe to read more .. later for now

    angel
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  • From LadyMalfoy on August 12, 2009
    *does a party dance*
    Yay she woke up!!! Yay!!!
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  • From jlclark on August 12, 2009
    It is so wrong to leave us hanging like this; I am ready for some real drama to start!!!Nice chapter and thanks for the update :)
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  • From MariaTeresaQuintanar on August 12, 2009
    Evil! A cliffhanger! AHH! Okay, so I'm exaggerating. LOL! Good story so far. I can't wait to see where you are going to take this next. True the chapters are short, but I think they work for what you are doing here. Keep up the good work and please update soon.
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  • From catysmom1028 on August 12, 2009
    I like it. Please update soon.

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  • From 800emz008 on August 12, 2009
    I like your summary but the page is too wide and it's too annoying to scroll across to read each line. I suggest you put less ***** in it so we dont have to scroll across..
    Due to the need to scroll across i have not and will not read this story.
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  • From Amethystique on August 12, 2009
    Hi there
    I do like the concept of this fic, Dark fics are not my usual cup of tea but this definately has merit.
    I can't read it though....'cos I need to have large text due to my rubbish eyesight. So it means I can't folow the story properly, due to scrolling across the screen from left to right constantly.
    I really hope you can rectify this as I'd like to read more!
    Blessings
    Amethystique x
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  • From Citten on August 12, 2009
    okay i love the story so far and i cant wait to see what you have planned next!!!! i do hope that you have lots planned for the story! i really love long stories! i am not sure how to fix the scoring over problem but if i do i will let you know! :) do update and soon!
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  • From jlclark on August 11, 2009
    nice. thanks for the update.
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  • From LadyMalfoy on August 11, 2009
    I really like it.
    I can absolutely imagine Snape becoming moodier and then taking it out on Neville.
    Poor unsuspecting Neville.
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  • From CryingCinderella on August 07, 2009
    First of all, this story needs to be coded properly. While I have no such issues reading a rape story, others not expecting it- might. So please fix that for your unsuspecting reader. Also- I think due to the graphic level of the rape- it needs to be "adult++" not just "adult+" so also it would do you well to adjust that.

    As far as the story itself goes, it has potential. I like the concept of Severus struggling against someone, but it seems unlikely- alcohol-fogged brain or not-- that he would so easily succumb to the Imperious curse. And perhaps my knowledge of the book is foggy but doesn't the person casting said Unforgiveable have to be in a close proximity or at least close range to maintain their hold over their cursee? This would raise a whole new field of problems/questions, as to who is in the room with them, etc.

    I feel like Hermione would not necessarily have overviewed his body- yes you corrected her thoughts- but perhaps that can be given as author's description and not her taking in what he looks like. Her reaction to wanting to forgiven him seems fit, but his to seeing her, yes I know you were going for a cliff hanger- it just seems so overdone. "God what have I done?" who in this great world hasn't said that when they realize the ugly truth?

    It has a lot of work to come, I'm certain. But so far I see potential. And please adjust your labels.

    ~CC
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  • From jlclark on August 07, 2009
    Well I think this is a really good start. I like the idea of SS being controlled from a distance instead of have the caster right there with him. This really opens the story up to go in a lot of different directions. I see that this is the first story you are posting so I just have two pieces of advice if I may be so bold: 1) this has obviously been a graphic start and the rest on the story has the potential to follow in the same direction. While I personally do not have a problem with this others might and in turn feel the need to share negative comments. I ask that you do not let this deter you from continuing the story. In the end it all comes down to personal opinions and prefers and anyone who does not like the direction you take does not have to continue reading. 2) The margins need to be adjusted. The text window is too wide and scrolling back and forth is really distracting. Unfortunately I have no idea how to fix this; hopefully you do and if you do not I am sure someone can tell you if you ask for some help from the readers. All in all really nice job, keep up the great work and please update as soon as can : )
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  • From voraciousreader on August 06, 2009
    While I'm not a big fan of rape fic, it does happen, especially in war. I hope that Severus will be making some kind of reparations for his actions? Even if he's under the Imperius curse, Hermione is now a victim of an awful crime; I can't really see her just walking away with a casual, 'wasn't your fault, now let's fall in love,' can you? On the other hand, this is exactly the kind of thing Albus would use to further his status in the Death Eaters so Sev could bring back more information. I am interested to see where you go with this. Oh, and just a technical issue, your chapters seem too wide for the screen unless I reduce the font. Not sure why, but it might be something you would want to look into, it's a bit distracting.
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  • From catysmom1028 on August 06, 2009
    I like it. Please update soon.

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  • From neelix on August 06, 2009
    Hi. Good so far, interesting premis. Couple of things you might want to look at - the chapters are very wide which means readers have to scroll back and forth to read, which spoils it a little as it's distracting. Also, where you write 'maidenhood' I think you mean 'maidenhead'. The maidenhead is the hymen, maidenhood is a girls' childhood.

    Keep writing, look forward to reading more!
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