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Reviews for Another Chance At Love?

By : AlexavieraRaven
  • From purefaith91 on March 04, 2011
    Very sweet. Love that you put Draco's parents there still and all getting along. Very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing. p
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  • From Britt0824 on November 23, 2010
    What a wonderful story I hope you write another it was just great !!!!!!!! I also just finished the diary of the slyterion price and that one is incredible I can wait till you write more your just so fantastic
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  • From thelovelylela on September 01, 2010
    Like the story but, again, a little proof reading could go a long way. Like the line:

    "You have your wind? I figure we might have to apparate there it being a wizard's home and all"

    Does she have her wind with her? A wand perhaps, but not a wind.

    Happy to help you clean it up if you like.

    ~Tem
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  • From thelovelylela on September 01, 2010
    I am really enjoying this story and have loved it up to this point. I think it would really help if you had a beta because this chapter needs some grammatical work and could be aided by some punctuation. I would be happy to help since I very much enjoy your work and think the concept is unique and fun!

    With love,
    Tem
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  • From RogueMudblood on August 28, 2010
    I saw this updated and I thought, "My god, 600+ hits and not a single review?!" And I wondered why, so I looked at your profile page. Each of your others has at least one review... So I'll see what I can give you for concrit on this.

    I freely admit I'm distracted immediately by the... youthful style of the first few of paragraphs. You've got capitalization in the middle of sentences, you've got two characters talking in the same paragraph, and you've got repeated use of "she" and "her" when you've got two female characters interacting. It's easy for readers to confuse who's doing what when you do this. I suggest practicing using fewer pronouns:

    "And you Hermione my dear, are you prepared as well?" She asked her as she smiled. Hermione Granger was the new Transfiguration teacher, Minerva herself had asked her to replace her as such and she nodded.

    Try instead: "And you, Hermione, my dear? Are you prepared as well?" Minerva asked, smiling. Hermione Granger was the new Transfiguration professor, having accepted the post after Minerva personally asked it of her. She nodded.

    Now, Hermione is the only "she/her". This makes it easier to read.

    You've also got a lot of run-ons in this first chapter, and that's distracting. It makes it really hard for me to follow your plot, as it draws my attention away from what you're trying to tell me.

    Now, being completely honest, skimming the first chapter reminded me of "The Parent Trap" only it's not twins - it's children who don't know they're related. And apparently don't know their parents are actually married to each other.

    My first suggestion is to read through your story and get rid of the comma splices. My next suggestion would be to brush up on basics. It's always the basics that trip people up. Like the issue above with too many pronouns, you also seem to have participle issues - "had went" should be "had gone". - Again, I skimmed, this may be the only instance of this in the entire first chapter, and I haven't even looked at the other chapters yet.

    Third, I would change the summary. Right now, it says it's an XO, but it's not even in the XO section, and it says nothing of what the story is about. Now, I know nothing of The Covenant (yet). So, I have no incentive to read your story. You might get better feedback if you gave the readers something of the plot.

    Maybe...Estranged spouses return to teach at Hogwarts and (what's going to happen later? With The Covenant characters?)
    Or...Hermione always had to be right. Draco found that out when she left him. (And that's a 'drag-me-in' kicking because of the warnings you've got.)

    I hope these suggestions help you refine your story so that you can get more feedback from the community as a whole.
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