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Reviews for What A Malfoy Wants

By : christineyoung

From ANON - Variable on April 17, 2013
Okay... you say you're becoming disheartened with this story due to too much negativity in your reviews. And now you've got several reviewers telling you to 'ignore the flamers' and keep writing.

Now let me say this: "Ignore The Flamers" is terrible advice to give, because more often than not, people can't seem to tell the difference between a 'flame' and a 'critique'. Now, I've read your reviews, and while there may be a few 'flames' (people who are attacking you personally), there are also a lot of legitimate 'critiques' (people not liking your story while telling you 'why'), as well. And as a writer myself (not fanfic, but original works), I can tell you that you should never, ever ignore critiques of your work, because critiques are what can help you become a better writer and improve your stories. A single well thought-out review pointing out potential flaws in your writing is worth more than a hundred reviews full of blind praise. Receiving lots of reviews that say things like "OMG best story ever! You rock, update soon please!", might make you feel good, but at the same time, they don't help you; they don't do anything to help make you a better writer.

On that note: I think you are a good writer. I just don't think you wrote a very good story. And I'm going to tell you my reasoning for saying that, and I hope you'll take it to heart and not simply brush me off as 'just another flamer'.

My problem with this story basically comes down to two things, and the first is something I know you've already heard before because I read your reviews: Draco and Scorpius are terrible, terrible people in this story. They knowingly and willfully ruined a perfectly happy marriage for their own selfish reasons. They kidnapped a woman, held her prisoner, took away everything that was important to her, and forced her into a situation that she wanted nothing to do with but now must live with for the rest of her life regardless.

Why is anyone supposed to like these two?

What, because they started treating her better later? After they already knew that there was no way for her to escape from them? Honestly, that makes them look even worse! It doesn't make them look like romantic, caring individuals, it just makes them look like even bigger manipulative bastards than they were before. It's almost as if Draco is saying "Well, you're stuck with us now, Hermione. But hey, it's not so bad; I can be nice. See? See how nice I'm being? Aren't you glad I forced you into this now? Aren't I so much better than that other guy you were with before I destroyed your marriage?"

I know that's not how you intended for it to sound, but to me, that's exactly how it sounds. Frankly, it doesn't matter what Draco and Scorpius do for Hermione. It doesn't matter if they shower her with diamonds, show her the world on a magic carpet ride, or make her orgasm ten times whenever they have sex; nothing they do is going to make me see them as anything other than selfish, vindictive monsters who don't care who they have to hurt so long as they get what they want.

So I hope you can understand why I don't want those two to win in this story. Because really: they don't deserve to.

This brings me to the second problem I have with this story: Hermione's acceptance.

I realize that what you're trying to write here is Hermione's hurt and anger slowly being washed away by the Malfoy's charm and kindness and hawtness, to the point that she can start trusting them and eventually fall in love with them. Romantic, right?

Unfortunately, that is not what I see when I read this. When I read this, I don't see the slow blossoming of love from Hermione to Draco and Scorpius. All I can see is her slow descent into Stockholm Syndrome. And if you've never seen Stockholm Syndrome before, let me tell you as someone who has: It looks just like Hermione in this story. She's a prisoner, her kidnappers start treating her better, she begins to sympathize, maybe she starts finding excuses for their past misdeeds, and eventually she realizes just how much she needs them, and just like that, the mental disorder is complete.

You see: That's the problem with trying to write a story in which a captive falls in love with their captor: In the real world, that's not romantic, it's a horribly traumatic event, and more often than not, trying to put a romantic spin on it usually fails, especially with someone like me who can easily see the parallels between the two. Try as I might, I don't see any romance in this story. All I see are two manipulative bastards ruining a bunch of people's lives in order to get their own way, and a poor girl who's unknowingly forcing herself to cope with a horrible situation in a way that no one should ever have to experience.

I'm sorry, maybe this story is just too personal for me to enjoy, and the reason why I won't be reading any further even if you do decide to continue. But I do hope that you'll take my words as they were intended: as a fellow writer offering his two-cent opinion. If you choose to brush it off as just 'hating for the sake of hating', well there's nothing I can do about that. I'll just repeat what I said before: You're a good writer; I just don't think you wrote a very good story.

Good luck in the future.
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From ANON - lemonade on April 13, 2013
Okay, first things first... you are NOT a shit writer. If you were, you wouldn't be generating the extreme emotions that you are in your readers. A shit writer would get no reaction at all, no people hoping that the story would turn around a bit, no investment. I wouldn't let negative things discourage you from writing.

Second: This story appeals to the reader who likes a little non-con. There is not anything wrong with someone liking their fantasies to include non-con, but it will trigger a very large number of people, which might be why you are getting some backlash in your reviews. I would let people know in the warnings that there is non-con in the story if you want them to be prepared/skip your story if that kind of plot upsets them. There would be less unpleasant surprises that way and you might avoid some butthurt. Also warnings about mixed generations and incest might not go amiss.

Third: You have every right to write whatever you like, however you like, and no one else can/should fault you for wanting to write it. You have, however, put it on a site for others to read and give feedback. If that is done you are also essentially writing for your public as well and they will feel entitled to share with you the likes and dislikes. It can be hard to read between the lines and hear the "I was totally invested in your story..." part when the "but there were some things that upset me about it" is not positive. That doesn't mean the positive is not there, it's just hard to see.

There are some issues about character sympathy if you are going for the average, not into domination/forced relationships, reader. There is Ron, who has done nothing but love his wife and family and has just come home one day to having her ripped from him. You have crafted him so that people will like him and sympathize with him and that interferes with sympathy for the Malfoys. That also makes the Malfoys' jobs of wooing both Hermione and the readers a very hard one. You have your work cut out for you, that's for sure. Then Hermione drops her issues and anger in the face of hormones that drug her. It's an artificial solution, and won't help the Malfoys get sympathy from your readers, either. They didn't work to win her, they just drugged her essentially.

And lack of conflict... actually that's true. Ron isn't fighting for her, the ministry is A-OK with it, her job is now a lost cause and Hermione herself is adapting to her new life pretty easily. She's flirting, blushing, having romantic thoughts about them, sympathizing with them and isn't thinking about Ron at all. The only thing left for her to do is to stay in Malfoy manor and have sex and babies with the Malfoys. So, unless you had something else planned, the plot has played out and you can write the happily ever after to your heart's content.

But keep your chin up. If people didn't think you had something special they wouldn't try to help your writing get more commercial appeal. They might just think you have the potential to be a bestselling author one day and want to help you move to that standard. :D

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From ANON - charlieless on April 10, 2013
Iv just started reading this and I love love love it! I still believe you need a bit more practice wrighting but only way you can do that is write more! So please do. Im just loving every chapter!
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From ANON - Katrina.Malfoy on April 03, 2013
You are a great writer! You can't let people get you down! There are numerous avenues that you could take with this plot. For example, Hermione could be faced with a decision that Scorpius and Draco agree one way and Hermione another - one such example would be having more than one child. Or another issue regarding her employment once Scorpius goes back to Hogwarts! I keep reading! I check for updates because I like where this is going and I see the potential! Don't give up :)
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From ANON - anon on April 03, 2013
If I was hermione in this story I think I would kill myself
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From ANON - Maddie on April 01, 2013
DON'T BE DISCOURAGED! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR WRITING, AND I REALLY ENJOY THAT RON ISN'T BEING A COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG FOR ONCE IN A HERMIONE-MALFOY STORY! SO THANK YOU FOR THAT! I LOVE YOU AND YOUR FANTASTIC WRITING, PLEASE DON'T LET SOME IDIOTS RUIN IT FOR YOU! XOXOX
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From ANON - TJ on April 01, 2013
I read that you are getting flamed. It is a good story. One of the few I keep an eye out for on this website. If this is seen by others. They are ignorant and flame because they have a nondescript life. If they are so bloody good why don't they put their money where their mouth is and write. Writing is an art form. I am well read and know that this is a good story. It flows smoothly and is well thought out. Feedback is supposed to be constructive. If people are unable to understand the word constructive, look it up in a dictionary. I am sure that they have the ability to do this, well maybe. My one question to you is why listen to ignorant people. Your art is you. If they don't like you, why do you care? This should have no influence on you. Take on board those that will assist you in improving your art and ignore the fools, (YES FOOLS) that are too ignorant to undermine your potential. Why waste your time acknowledging ignorant people, it only justifies their mere existence.
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From ANON - Ice Empress on March 31, 2013
Cullen's_pet please don't get discouraged. Screw the assholes who tell you that you can't write. I've read all of your stories and they are pure platnium with fabulous story lines, believable and true to the books in a way characters and sizzling, erotic sex. You are fantastic and I always wait, slightly impatiently to read new chapters, but while your busy I just reread The stories already completed. You will always have a lifelong fan in me. I truly appreciate the fact you never turn our boring or messy chapters and loving write them and deliever them perfectly. So thank you and keep your head up love. Ps: I loved the claiming and I'm on pins and needles waiting for Draco's claiming.
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From Aleria18 on March 31, 2013
Please don't let a few jerks, who couldn't write a coherent sentence to save their lives spoil you for writing. Honestly I think you write VERY well. I have enjoyed this story, and really hope you continue with it. Thank you for sharing your talent and time with us unworthy ones.
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From ANON - Boocat on March 30, 2013
It is a shame you stopped posting on this story I really enjoy it. I'm sorry you have gotten some bad reviews but, remember its your story. This is supposed to be a free space for you to post what you want. Everyone is going to get a bad review at lest once, but fuck them. This story had plenty of drama in the beginning that it is nice things are leveling out. Please reconsider and post more of of this story. Remember opinions are like assholes everyone has one and they all stink.
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From ANON - kymmy on March 30, 2013
duh, no conflict? There can be conflict on various levels. Not all conflict has to be life/death or emotionally devestating. And there is nothing wrong with writing just a nice story. I can get exhausted reading too many stories that keep you in a constant state of fight or flight, so I appreciate one such as yours. Don't let the naysayers bring you down. They are welcome to find something else to read and leave you alone :-) . And if they expect perfect stories with perfect grammar, etc., then I suggest Barnes and Nobles. The vast majority of authors of fanficton tend to write because they enjoy it and this venue offers an exceptional means of sharing that love and the opportunity to grow and learn. The only thing I would complain about is I would love to see faster update *big smile*.
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From ANON - spikeecat on March 30, 2013
I'm sorry to hear that you're getting discouraged. I've actually been really enjoying this story and looking forward to each new chapter. I'm especially interested in finding out how the three of them manage to balance a relationship. Keep up the great work :)
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From chris7100 on March 30, 2013
You are definitely NOT a shit writer. Your writing is fluid and cogent. The problem is that this is a rubbish plot. It's virtually impossible to suspend one's disbelief here given Hermione's character, regardless of the 'mates' plot device. Nobody's perfect, and rubbish plots happen to all writers *cough* deathly hallows *cough* at some point. Suggest you put this one to bed quickly and tickle your muse for something new to inspire you. I look forward to your next story.
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From ANON - colao on March 30, 2013
You're not a "shit" writer. People may have complaints about the lack of conflict (I don't) but then it is up to them to not read the story. I, for one, enjoy this plot and think there is plenty of angst without Ronald (I'm not a real fan of heavy angst, anyway). Remember, anyone can flame. Unless they are pointing out technical errors in terms of how you write (I've not picked up on any so the infractions must not be too bad) they can stuffy it. Nothing is worse than when someone gives their opinion with no intention to help a writer grow.
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From ANON - Victoria Cox on March 30, 2013
Please don't let the naysayers with no appreciation or imagination get you down. There are many, many avenues to explore. The way the triadic relationship will evolve, the feelings among the three, whether they will have threesome sex at some point. Lots of aspects of the veela bond and nautre to explore. I love the story and am especially thrilled by how you have characterized Draco in this one -- loving father, long-suffering mate to Hermione, much more than the usual 2-dimensional Draco we too often see in fanfics. I adore this story and hope you will not let the nasty reviewers (who likely haven't written anything) get you down. Many of us love your writing and are thrilled to read every single chapter.
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