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Reviews for Becoming a Sex Slave

By : sexyhermione
  • From ANON - Maya Thompson on November 13, 2012
    I loved it. I'm totally horny right now. Thanks. Very well written. Encore please! :)
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  • From EnyalTegger on December 12, 2010
    Very sexy! I wish there was more!
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  • From StillHorny on October 06, 2010
    Hot, hot, and HOT!!!

    PLEASE CONTINUE. Your horny readers await your naughty prose!
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  • From EmeraldKisses on March 09, 2010
    I will have to say I agree with Kogas Hentai Luver. While a good fuck fic is fun to read, the characters seem rather OOC and it makes it really difficult to determine what caused them to act such a way without any plot. You can still have a good PWP with enough context in it so it explains the character's actions and the situation.
    For a multi-chaptered story, this is lacking the main thing: plot. Typically, sex fics are one or two chapters long at most, but once they grow longer, you might want to start thinking of a bit more of a plot. Furthermore, there is seems to be very little detail focused solely on the characters. Essentially, I feel like I'm reading straight up porn. When writing a smut fic, it's all fine and dandy to, I suppose, have porn-like aspects, but it would be nice to see some character development or depth. What caused Hermione to act that way? Since when has Draco wanted her? The title says "Becoming a Sex Slave," but it appears that Hermione's story of becoming one is already complete. You have her written as a sex slave already, so the storyline doesn't really fit with the title.
    Don't get me wrong, you have the ability to write, but the story is lacking a lot in any depth, or any welcome extra information that might make the story more than just written porn. Tell us why Hermione is with Draco. Tell us what happened after the war (if it's been fought already). Let us know why Draco is her master. How come Hermione is so willing and submissive? Why did she not fight back against the idea of being with Pansy? There are so many questions here that leaves my curiosity extremely unsatisfied.
    I suggest that, if you want it to be a simple PWP, add a little extra character detail or depth. If you want to turn it into a full-fledged story, I highly suggest you add a lot more depth and detail that will impact the reader more and answer our questions.

    Anyway, the story has, indeed, pricked my interest, and, as I stated before, you can write. You just need to really utilize the talent and add more than just sex scenes. I think it's what will make this fic a good winner.
    Feel free to ignore my criticism if you wish, it won't bother me, and I hope that I didn't insult you anywhere in my criticism. I suppose I just wanted to share my opinions with you.
    Take and care and have fun writing, that's the most important thing.
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  • From kogaluver on March 09, 2010
    For a PWP fic the lemons are pretty good. But, your title is Becoming A Sex Slave, and you have in no way explained how Hermionne ended up as Draco's sex slave. You alluded to the fact that it's been one year after graduation. Did Valdemort win? How did she end up with Draco as her Master, and why so accepting? I'm all for a good PWP fuck fic, but you still need to set the stage. Even if it's just a one paragraph summary. Give us some reason that makes sense.

    I hope you receive this review as constructive critisizm and helpful, because I do like the lemons. ^_^
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