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Reviews for One night

By : caressedbythorns
  • From thrnbrooke on August 03, 2010
    Beautiful!!!
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  • From ANON - katalyst on June 27, 2010
    Hm. I think you need a comprehensive beta. The story idea needs a bit of hashing out -- right now there isn't much there, and it isn't terribly original. You could stand to revise the concept -- as it is, the characters come off as shallow and out of character. I don't feel like I'm reading about Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermione, et al -- they could be any generic teenagers in a teenybopper movie or novel. When writing, maybe you should ask yourself if you can really hear them saying the lines?

    On a technical note, you switched from point of view to point of view in a odd way, and reading was a bit confusing. A beta can help with your dialogue and blocking and even out the areas where the reader might get confused. With a bit more work, you might be a good writer.

    I don't want to discourage you -- as long as you love writing, and are willing to work on it, you can get much better. Right now, however, this feels like a very, very rough first draft and needs revision.

    One good note? I did like that last line. I feel like the rest of the fic was thrown out, just to justify using it. I think you can do better.
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