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Reviews for your my heart

By : sochra20
  • From butterflies1974 on October 21, 2010
    Such a cute story and I love how adorable you have made Draco and Harry together.
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  • From thrnbrooke on September 02, 2010
    chapter 7 please!!!
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  • From AoiNikko on August 26, 2010
    Oooookay. You seemed to come to a screeching halt when it has come to progress... I know explaining is hard to do, but I don't see evidence that you even tried. With you just telling the story, I found myself not really caring about the characters at all. This is not a flame, I do like your idea, and want the story to shine as it should. If you need help with describing, ask your beta, she's there to help.
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  • From thrnbrooke on August 20, 2010
    Soooo need chapter 6!!! Poor Draco!!! How horrible!!! Why doesn't Lucius think Draco is his son?
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  • From HeartStar on August 18, 2010
    OI like this alot I hope to see more soon@!
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  • From Morrigayne on August 16, 2010
    If you like i could correct your work too..i think it is harder for the author to find all faults because you know the story yourself and your brain is somehow overlaying that what is written with bits of your imagination(where are no faults) and you miss errors this way.

    Happend to me a couple of times..i wrote something and thought words, but did not write them or mixed them up with an other word which would have followed.
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  • From thrnbrooke on August 16, 2010
    Chapter 5 please!!!!
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  • From AoiNikko on August 16, 2010
    Well, well...much better. This chapter was much easier to read and understand, good job. Now that you've improved the grammar, it's time to work on flow. The difference between a story and a news report, is that stories explain, and reports tell. Try to use more descriptive words. If Malfoy whispers into Harry's ear, HOW does he whisper? Is it soft and sweet? Seductive? Low and nervous? Being descriptive helps draw the reader into the story, and helps set a mood and tone. It gives life to the story, makes it exciting and fun to read. It's also more fun to write! Give it a go, can't wait to see what you do next!
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  • From AoiNikko on August 14, 2010
    Well, you have a good idea going, but to be honest, it is painful to read. I see many people are suggesting a beta reader, and I think that not only is that a good idea, but you really should learn basic writing yourself. I saw many mistakes a good writing processor would catch. Also...please get a better grip on everyone's personality. I know some ooc is needed sometimes, but that was a touch too much. You do have a good story, but I almost didn't read it because of the summary alone. As it is, if the writing doesn't improve, I might still drop it. I don't want to see you lose readers. Again, your idea is good, you just need to tweak your writing before you post.
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  • From Arieru on August 10, 2010
    I love it and i cant wait for more. a bit of advice though. get some one to proof read/beta your story a bit of help in your spelling and grammar eroors could go a long way in improving your story.
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  • From thrnbrooke on August 03, 2010
    Chapter 3 please!!!
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  • From thyladyx on July 22, 2010
    this fic has a lot of potential...but you might think about finding a beta reader. I would offer my services but I really have a lot going on right now with school and work. Despite the bumpy start I'm looking forward to seeing more of this fic.
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  • From Daye on July 13, 2010
    Including the title and not including the lack of capitalisation, there are 18 words and six mistakes in your summary. That's one word in three wrong before even opening the fic.
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  • From LadySesshoumaru on July 12, 2010
    i like this and would love to see how it develops...as far as your english you just need a beta to help..but great job
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