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Reviews for Black Lust

By : FetchingFox
  • From RogueMudblood on November 26, 2011

    Please watch your verb tenses:

    Bellatrix wrapped her fingers around his neck and shoving him into her breasts.

    Bellatrix felt herself being lift from the air

    It's distracting to me as a reader to see the inconsistency.

    To your story:

    I find myself curious: if Sirius was desperate to find an entrance into her dress, why go to the trouble of pulling her dress down? It would be much easier to lift her skirt.

    I think you could have a good what if? story here. I would have been intrigued to know what repercussions this event could have had on their relationship. A one-night stand that obviously affected the Gryffindor more than the Slytherin, did he make errors in judgement after this point? Did he conspire with Peter to betray James and Lily to the Dark Lord? Did he serve the Dark Lord for a brief time? Was the true reason for his insanity that he allowed a moment with Bella here, and promises of more that never came to fruition, to cloud his judgement? The result being that, when he discovered her betrayal of their 'relationship', Sirius went to stop Peter, only to find that the deed had been done? His insanity stemming from his guilt, instead of his being wrongly imprisoned? And then the final betrayal, the battle with Bella at the Veil...

    Ah so many avenues to be explored! I would be interested if you ever chose to expand upon this piece.

    Happy writing!
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