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Reviews for A Naughty LunaBy : MJurjevic |
- From RogueMudblood on February 21, 2012
Overall, very well done! My only question is whether this is the younger or the elder. :)
Only one bit of technical criticism. This sentence is a bit awkward:
Pleased the weird, wordy Ravenclaw was speechless in ecstasy, he buried further into her, drinking her in, until her curled toes pierced into his shoulders, and, shuddering, he heard her exquisite cry of climaxed release.I realize you meant that he buried his tongue further into her, but it had me going back to see if I had somehow missed penetration by the phallus. I might also suggest a that after Pleased as it took me a moment to determine whether that was describing him or her.
I enjoyed the read, though. Thank you for sharing!
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