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Reviews for The Way Things Are

By : Shinigamikitty
  • From ANON - Diana on May 25, 2012
    This story is so beautifull!
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  • From caressedbythorns on January 07, 2012
    Dear Konekoshinigami

    While I respect you for posting your story with so much excitement I have to burst your bubble.
    There is a decent story under your lack of grammar, terrible punctuation and complete lack of a grasp of the English language.
    I would implore you to find a beta that will work with you, or in a perfect world, an English tutor that can help you speak, what seems to be your native language, more fluently. I would also like to ask you why you felt the need to add ... in to your narrative. Why are your characters speaking as though they are robots from a cheesy 60's sci-fi flick? I was going to point out every flaw I saw so that you could see exactly what I was talking about but that would take longer than I really have to spend on your review; I also think that the reviews have a word count max. So I am going to add just the most glaring grammatical mistakes.

    This is what you wrote:
    It was a war against the light and the dark, which many lives were lost along the way.
    First this is not a sentence it does not have the proper verb, noun and adjective placement to count as such.
    Second you seem to be saying that the war was being fought against both the light and the dark rather than between the light and dark.
    Third the tense at the end of the sentence changes sporadically.
    This happens so frequently throughout your story it makes the work unreadable.

    Truthfully I have a hard time believing you are as old as you say you are. My English professor would never let someone pass her class without at least a basic grasp of the English language.

    The only redeeming characteristic I can find in your story is that has no discernible misspellings.

    Thank you for your time

    CBT
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