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Reviews for Harry Potter and the Breeding Darkness

By : Danyealle

From ANON - Phera on June 13, 2013
I really like where you're taking Athy's (Aya Macchiato's) story. I didn't read her notes because I didn't want any spoilers, so disregarding those, I really like how everything turning out and the little twists you've added (borrowed?). Having spent the last two days rereading Descent Into Darkness and the first 24.5 chapters of Breeding Darkness on AO3, and then coming here to read your continuation, there's only one thing - well, I can't say I don't LIKE it, because you're doing very well with the transition from hers to yours, it's just that it makes everything unnecessarily confusing.

Specifically, the Time Turner issue. Right from the beginning I noticed a rather large thing that made the transition confusing - sort of like playing a game where the rules completely change halfway through (for example: you're playing pool and suddenly the pockets are gone and you're playing billiards). The way Athy/Aya had him doing the time traveling was explained nice and clear: he spends the day at Hogwarts until 10:30pm, where he skives off his prefect rounds to sneak out to HQ, immediately time travels and re-spends the day at HQ until 10:30pm where he returns to Hogwarts to 'finish' his prefect rounds and go to bed. Rinse and repeat - nice, clean, and simple. However, what you've done is reverse that process.

I see how it could work in reverse, and it does make sense - but because there's already a precedent set for it being done a certain way, for someone to read so far into a story and get used to the way it works only to have it change like that is... well, it's just plain confusing. If I ignore the precedent, it's fine, but there might be others who can't do that. For me, I just reverse it all in my head so that it fits in with what was there previously, but there are three instances in which this double-standard really got to me: The Fake Vision, The Ring, and now the AK Incident.

The fake vision scenario I can re-word in my head like with the rest for the most part, but only if I completely ignore most of it. I can't really do that with the one where he rescues the ring horcrux. Specifically in that you had him mentally contact Tom. If you were following Aya's precedent, the version of Harry currently with Tom on any given day while HArry is at Hogwarts is actually his FUTURE self - meaning, Tom would have already known about and received the ring and learned about Dumbledore's attempts to cheat his way into getting Bill to replace him as the Light Lord. In that case, the mental contact was entirely unnecessary.

In regards to your last chapter, where they're worried about the difficulty of the time travel in relation to his double life, they really shouldn't have anything to worry about. Again, following Aya's precedent, at 10:30 his current self, the one that's out of it because of the killing curse, will need to return to Hogwarts and continue on from there - meaning, he doesn't need to travel back 24 hours because he already did that, so all they need to worry about is sneaking him back in his current condition. (Say this all happened at 2pm on the 15th. If nothing had happened, he'd continue his day normally, return to Hogwarts at 10:30pm, while his future self from 10:30pm of the 16th time travels 24 hrs backwards to right after he left HQ.)

The only way that affects his time travel any is that he won't be able to do a double day until he's well enough for it. The biggest concern with it all is his current state and injury.

I don't know if you had a specific reason for reversing the process, but I thought I should maybe make a mention of the fact that you might get brand new readers who are likely to be confused by it all. Also, as a writer myself I tend to nitpick details like that. I really mean no offense. When I'm reading an adopted story, continuity is more important to me as a reader than everything else I probably would have complained about as a writer and a beta. Switching between writing styles is easier for me when it's two separate stories than one that's been written by one author and continued by another. (Co-writes are easier because then continuity isn't an issue... in which case I usually nitpick everything else. Heh.)

So, if there's an actual plot-worthy reason for the reversal, then I apologize for this long-winded rant...thingy. It was just REALLY getting to me. Sorry?

Good job with everything else though! =)
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From bloodshound on June 13, 2013
not the way they would have wanted to brake it to snape. still, that was rather careless of them, not thinking of contingency plans in case of accident even with all they have to currently occupy their minds. time isn't messed with lightly.
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From ANON - Cessation on June 13, 2013
Please, would you mind sending me an email-alert whenever you post another chapter? My email is gameplayt010@yahoo.com.
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From ANON - Anon on June 12, 2013
Interesting. So, instead of a lightening bolt, Harry has the DH symbol burned/scarred onto his chest. I wonder if that's because he was under the cloak and all
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From ANON - krysania on June 12, 2013
It gets more breathtaking with each chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what I don't get is why it should be harry the one to go back??? can't they buy some polijuice and send Barty or something???
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From BadGirlgoesworse on June 12, 2013
That was very interesting! I can barely keep myself together panting for the next chapter. So pleeeeaaaaase, update soon!
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From ANON - Emerald Time on June 11, 2013
Awesome! I can't wait for the next chapter!!!! Will Sirius and Remus ever join Voldemort? Can you pair Sirius and Rodulphus Lestrange together? I love that pairing!
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From Leania07 on June 11, 2013
Oh Severus is still trying to wrap his mind around it, hmm? Probably goes against quite a bit that he [i]thought[/i] he knew. So Lucius is starting to figure it out, hmm? How many more people will have to be let in on the secret; I know Narcissa can be trusted, however there is her constant care of Bella to take into account. Wouldn't want something to accidentally slip, Bella cannot be trusted with that information. Draco knows, yes; Harry being Evan and in a relationship with Voldie? I'll have to scan back a few chapters I guess, to refresh my memory.
This has to be both exciting and frustrating for you to write. On one hand the awesome situations you can toss them in and the spins you can weave really get one's mind active. On the other, you've got to keep that balance (which you've been doing a fabulous job of, by the way) between interest and just throwing them in every problem. I like how you made the burn into the Deathly Hallows symbol; as for hiding that...Well I thought glamour, obviously, because as 'Evan' Harry's scar is hidden. However if it's refusing magic, and it was obvious it showed through the glamour ring, that's not an option. Someone needs the help of a muggle born witch who know's how to apply concealer! Perhaps a half-blood if they were raised in the muggle environment.
Will this bring Hermione in to help, or are you leaving her a content little sheep of Dumbledore's? Tons of concealer or a movie make-up kit, if magic is so resistant, are my ideas on how to hide the new mark. Can't wait to see what you come up with; I look forward to the next!

Leania
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From ANON - Cyllaenoi on June 11, 2013
There's an idea that's been bouncing around in my head... if Voldemort is capable of creating a contract that keeps people from spreading information (like the one he used with Thor's Dark defense club), why doesn't he create another, make the Death Eaters sign it, and then reveal Harry to them? I think the Death Eaters would have a great deal more respect for Evan/Harry if they knew who he was, and possibly more respect for Voldemort in his choice of consort. It would also explain (in their minds) why Harry/Evan isn't dead from the killing curse.

Just a thought.

Love the story!
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From Tryagain4me on June 11, 2013
That was awesome!! I love how well Tom and Sirius are getting along
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From ANON - blackcallalily on June 11, 2013
Awesome as always!!! loved the chapter...counting down to when you update....hopefully soon!!!!
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From ANON - ILoveWyatt on June 11, 2013
I hope Harry will end up being ok.

I love this story so much!

Cant wait for more!
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From ANON - Sarim on June 07, 2013
I love this story! To tell u the truth u are doing a great job finishing where Athey left off! I can't wait till the next chapter!
I hope u will update soon!!!! ^_^
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From ANON - ILoveWyatt on June 06, 2013
I'm really glad that Sirius and Tom are ok. I hope Harry gets better.

I love this story so much!

Cant wait for more!
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From ANON - Lourdes on June 05, 2013
This update was amazing. I was not expecting that.
It will be a mess with Harry
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