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Reviews for Harry Potter and the Breeding Darkness

By : Danyealle

From ANON - ryuuta on February 06, 2012
I'm very glad you have picked up this story in order to continue from where Aya left off. It is given that all authors have their own style so I think you should write in the way you feel most comfortable with lest you get fed up with this fic :P
Severus might be incredulous about someone wanting to be with a dark lord who looks like a snake but in the end a long term relationship is less about looks and more about personality. I think no one can argue that the dark lord is very intelligent, cunning and captivating but I guess he's never tried wooing the potions master XD
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From ANON - ILoveWyatt on February 06, 2012
I love this story so much!

Voldemort/Tom Riddle Jr are both two of my favourite charactors! I love Tom Riddle Jr so much! He's so hot and dreamy!

Cant wait for more!
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From ANON - Vittani on February 03, 2012
Me again... Btw I would really recommend getting a second beta. I don't know if your beta is a big fan of this fic but I think you need someone like that. Someone who can point out the little details to you that you in the effort of actually writing forget about. I do that when I get in the flow I forget details then remember them when I read over. You could talk to this person prior to writing chapters not about any significant plot things but they might be able to point some things out if you give them a general idea.

After my first review I read the others to see what they said. The hallows bit was another awkward moment, again it seemed like you remembered half way through, I forgot to mention that one in my earlier review. Oh and while I remember it's a good idea to make barty the duelling instructor but remember aya said he also had little patience with them that was why rowle had the job. Have him complain or whine because he's still slightly childlike from his stay in azkaban and has a more equal relationship with Harry/Evan. Also remember to put int the little details like sitting on the floor, I don't see Harry doing it now that he's a lord where other death eaters can just come in but in their private wing it's fine. Toms more affectionate too, the pet names, always touching and watching Harry with fondness or pride, lust. I'm not trying to nitpick but it's the little bits like that that people notice the most because they have an emotional impact on them.

You'll think I'm an idiot but Ian mckellen in an interview for lord of the rings the fellowship of the rings told Sean astin who played the hobbit Sam that when he went in the hospital room where frodo was to take his hand and hold it. A little thing but important, like earlier in the same film one of the characters said a shortcut to mushrooms which was an original chapter title from the first book. It's like the first two hp books making references to snapes occlumency. Stuff like that is what gets people, the little clues in the mystery or the romantic quirks of a couple.

That's why I'd recommend getting someone who knows the story inside outta offer advice, they'll help to point out little things like that and keep the numerous fans who'll read this happy.

Once again great work, can't wait for more. I especially want to know what you do with luna's books, remus' visit to the werewolves and sirius, I hope both of which embrace their links to the dark. I can't wait for bella's reaction to her lords consort and think it would be awesome if Evan was the one who went with her to check on the cup in her vault. Perfect for some throwing of insults and crucios. ^_^ ooh and I don't know if you'd be interested but I'd really like to see some jealousy from Tom, like a newly initiated deatheater or student hitting on Harry/Evan.

Oh and I loved that little hint about the ring possibly being more than a hallow. Lol I'm really intrigued by all these twists you mentioned, I already feel like begging you for updates. ^_^
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From ANON - Vittani on February 03, 2012
Apart from one or two either long or slightly confusing sentences, this was a solid update. My only real criticism is that initially it seemed like lucius did not approve of the dark lords relationship which didn't coincide with the little bit from his pov in aya's chapter. Other than that really really good and can't wait to see what else you do with this. Oh and btw I didn't find too much difference between your writing style and aya's, neither of your styles are flowery, over descriptive or complicated. Simple, easy to read yet still somehow gripping.
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From knightkat on February 02, 2012
I think it was a good start. Suggestion, Tom likes to call Harry 'Pet' and 'love' I always got the feeling in part to prevent himself from using Harry or Evan at the wrong moment, especially since the glamor ring was set to allow for Harry to be seen as Harry by anyone who knew Even is Harry... Did that make sense?
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From ANON - Alexa on February 02, 2012
Just as I thought, marvolous job :)
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From ANON - Mystra on February 02, 2012
Following this story with intrest. In the beginning you used Tom name twice in the end of sentence and beginning of a new one. I am not one to judge small mistakes. Just thought that it sounded bit odd. Perhaps Dark Lord, Voldemort or something. I also wondered if Sirius will became a death eater or he could be tied to Harry instead. Or if he will adopt Harry by blood and magic. Since Harry appears as his legal heir since Sirius has no children and Harry has Black blood. It was also implied that Harry is a meta since he can change the lenght of his hair. Bloodtrait of the Blacks that would be strenghened with infusion of Black blood, maybe add new abilities. I doubt there would be big chances in his appareance since he is a teenager. Maybe correct his eyesight or tame his hair. Will Harry meet Bellatrix, would be interesting.
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From ANON - Blink on February 02, 2012
Yaaaaay finally a new chapter I'm glad u decided to contintue this fic, can't waaaaait till Bella finds out about the dark lord's consort.
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From ANON - Reba on February 02, 2012
Not bad at all. I bet you like talking in your everyday life. Those overlong sentences are a strong indicator for it :-)
I do like your style. Despite those sentences. It get's anoying and rather had to to read.
Let's say cut the them in halfs. Especially those at the beginning of the chapter.
Please update soon.
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From ANON - Athenia on February 02, 2012
I'm really excited to have this story continued. I was so sad when Aya decided to stop writing her version. I really look forward to seeing where you take this, though I was slightly disappointed Harry wasn't sitting on the floor when alone with Tom :) Thanks for deciding to pick this up.
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From ShadeOf on February 02, 2012
Thank you! You do great job!
I'm happy that you decided to continue this wonderful story.
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From ANON - Kevin on February 02, 2012
I am very thankful that you have taken this story over and will be continuing it.
In chapter 17, Tom and Harry discover that the Ring horcrux is the Resurrection Stone, and that the Invisibility Cloak is the Death Shroud.
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From ANON - Angel on February 02, 2012
I hate to be the one to bring this up but Tom and Harry already know what the ring is. It was told in the same chapter when they found out that the cloke blocked the AK. You might want to go back and change that as again they already know what the ring is. I cant remember the chapter number but I do remember it being in one of the chapters when they were talking to Harry's family pictures. Other then that it was a great chapter and you are doing a good job from what I can see.
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From bloodshound on February 02, 2012
YAY! nice first chappie. *snickers. oh, how they do like messing with Sevies head. mwhahaha. I can't wait til sev learns who Evan Harris is. That'll be utterly hilarious.
oh, i am looking forward to seeing what you keep and what falls by the way side. I do hope that mio still goes dark and I'd love it if Siri did end up in d e central if only for the lol value. What ever you do with it though, i'm sure to love it.
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From ANON - bountyhuntermjs on February 01, 2012
you have a different writing style to be sure but the chapters not bad it felt a little rushed in places and i am personally having a little trouble with your interpretation of snape
you foreshadowed him figuring out that evan is harry a little to strongly that was my main issue with that but i like how you wrote harry he still seemed like the same person and he is the main character so i get that you would focus on his characterization most

the only continuity issues are that tom and harry find out about the hallows in chapter 17 its a little past halfway through the chapter when harry is having a discussion with a potter family portrait

also snape tells tom that dumbledore told him about the kiss he saw so harry would know what that weird assessing look in snapes eye is

thank you for writing i was so excited when i heard someone had taken the reigns and decided to continue this

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