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Reviews for Controlling Time

By : TalisRuadair

From Calmzone1 on December 28, 2014
great job writing a difficult story line, I hope you do get the chance to complete it. I would love to know that it is all resolved for the best for all. Obviously they can never go back into their original timeline, but I don't know if Draco/Scorpius realizes that yet. I am sure Mia and Wally do. I don't know if my email shows but could you email me if/when you update please, as I haven't found any alerts yet for this website. Thanks, hope your writers block disappears into dust :)
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From Mashkai30 on September 05, 2013
Lovely story! I like it thus far and am looking forward to more. Thanks for sharing!
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From ANON - AR on August 18, 2013
It does feel like it's coming close to an ending.... and yet, that was over eight months ago, if you wrote the last chapter in November. ^_^ Sorry; got to rereading some stories while waiting for others to update, and I was after multiple pairings with mpregs today. Still, this story could probably be wrapped up nicely in 3-5 more chapters.
1 - Deals with the divorce announcement, handled tactfully with the truth before it can be sensationalized, along with baby-bonding and the ritual to free Arry from the connection. Side note of Sirius destroying the cup. Maybe the beginnings of Lucius's reaction to coming off the slave-potion, if there's going to be one.
2 - Deals with the double triad weddings--simple but ritualistic bondings-- and possibly ends with Severus going into labour before, during, or after the wedding night celebrations.
3 - Severus's son is born; Voldy & the DE's attacking--if they didn't plan to do it during the triad ceremonies (because it was announced early and highly gossiped about and therefore everyone knew where and when)--and Arry's sucked into battling. People get hurt. Many minor-in-importance deaths. Cool battle scars earned.
4 - Battle is won. Voldy is dead. Severus disappears for a bit of privacy. Is Lucius having second thoughts and concerns, too? Reassurance from Arry as they bond and take care of their family. Make plans to take over the world, reassure Severus that they are still there for him when he wants them, that he's loved, and they miss him--but no pressure! Decision to leave Hogwarts and make their own way. Will Lucius like to take on politics, maybe push through some of those reforms? Ending with Severus returning home and a reaffirmation of their vows to each other.
5 - Epilogue, how you'd like it. Two years later, with the birth of James's and Lily's first child? Halloween '81, a normal day of celebration/anniversary? Twelve years later, sending their oldest off to Hogwarts for the first time, noting the siblings and extended family... Nineteen years later, with the oldest setting off for their last year at Hogwarts, still with all the siblings and extended family....

Yes. Easily doable.
Contingency notes: You saved Fred, and then you kept him dead. Did you know?
Mechanics: lots of homophone misuse throughout. Keep an eye peeled for those words that side alike but have different meanings. ^__^ They'll try and trip you up!

Happy writings & readings,
~AR
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From ANON - AR on March 22, 2013
A few mis-used words here and there, but over all, your handle of grammar and mechanics is well done. Some of the characterization at times felt a bit off, but then things were tied back in nicely with the renewed possession of the horocrux. I feel a little bad for Harry, or, rather, Arry. Eventually won't the others decide to return to their original time/reality? But I don't see Harry leaving. Not with Lucius and Severus and the kiddos. I like the play of Fabien & Gideon.

Also, at one point in a chapter you had Fred alive, having "faked" his death--Harry talked about Fred being brilliant and sending the message to the twins to help him with some toys, before running into Lucius up on the tower, right?--and then later,Ron was angsty because Fred was back to having died and still dead.

I will agree to this story feeling like it's coming closer to an ending. At least an ending with Voldemort. I know there's the ritual cleansing, the horocrux removal, Severus's name-change, the divorce and triad bonding ceremonies, and the cup-killing to get through. Oh! Not to mention Regulus, Kreacher, and the locket! Also, there's that nugget of reform concerning the squibs/muggleborns and child services. Can't see Harry letting that go for too long, although, I suppose those sorts of things could be wrapped up in an epilogue...

Harry's expressed a possible interest in staying home with the kids. Severus, potions and healing. Has Lucius expressed any interest in doing anything other than submitting to Harry? Not to mention, will he have an adverse reaction to coming off the slave potion? (That could throw a huge monkey wrench into the plot if he does!)

Happy writings!
~AR
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From mihoshi on October 09, 2012
I really do love this story. On one side I feel bad for Harry on the other he gets whatever happens to him for not thinking things through. I know poor Severus is going to be the one to be hurt the most. Keep up the great work and I can't wait for the next chapter.
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From Sera21 on September 11, 2012
By the by hun, if my critisisms become to much do tell me to eff off :)I know I do criticize alot but its only because I do see the potential in your work. You have original ideas and the patiance to sit down and write them in a readable manner. Thats more then alot of people have.
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From Sera21 on September 11, 2012
Oh and I presume that its the slave potion that has made it so that, although Sev knows Arrigo sliped him a potion, he doesn't feel even the slightest amount of betrayal or shock. I mean how messed up is it for his reaction( to finding out that he won't be able to remember his first time with his future bond-mate because said bond mate drugged him up to get in his pants) is only a sad little " Oh thats why I have memory loss." You date raped me and I can't remember but you love me so thats okay. That is messed up :O
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From Sera21 on September 11, 2012
Review chapter 11: Its nice to see that Draco still has some issues. That one paragraph of remorse surely does not take away a life time of anger and sorrow and its nice that you are dealing with that in a development bit by bit. I also like the ancestory lesson we got there. That being said I am somewhat ( please take that to mean extremly) disturbed by how controlling Harry has become. and nobody says anything. They follow his orders like mindless zombies. Don't they have their own lives? Their own disires? I mean Narcissa and Lucius are used to being controlled so no surprise there but some of the others really shock me with their docile state. For instance The Prewett twins. There they are in their shop working away at ingeneous idea when Harry shows up out of the blue, shows off his awesome powers of future telling and tells them to pack up. They are moving to Malfoy manner to shag up with Narcissa and thats that. Not a word in complaint. Off they go like happy campers. No matter that their life and work was there, lets just follow this virtual stranger. Then they are just settled in with Narcisssa, maybe built up a lab when bam, they wake up one moning to find they have been moved in their sleep to a tower in the f-ing forbidden forest. Why? Because Ariggo f-ing wants it thats why!Complaints ? NOPE! and how does Harry think a tower in the FORBIDDEN FOREST is a good place to raise kids O_o ?? I mean theres dangerous animals in that forest. Werewolves, centaurs and pretty much all teh creatures from " magical creatures and where to find them"...which brings me to my next point. Harrys wish for kids. I am getting seriously seriously freaked out. Its ALL he talks about. Maybe its because I am in my mid twentys and teh thought of getting preggers scares the SHIT out of me and I simply can't understand how every single character just dreams of having kids. I mean Harry sure, he wants a family. Ditto maybe Lucius and Narcisa because thats the way they were raised but good gosh, Ron and hermione too? and Ginny and Draco? and teh Prewetts? I mean maybe Draco but Ginny as well? Good heavens! they have absolutly NO dreams for the future except to become parents! No work aspirations? No study aspirations? Just teenage parents, every one of them!! and Hermione isn't even slightly annoyed to be in teh past looking up an anti sterility spells for months while she could be studying to become some sort of house elf right lawyer in teh ministry or something. and none of his friends complained about Harry just moving them to a new place without even asking their permission! I would be seriously pissed off at first at the very least. I did have to laugh when Harry said to Sev " I'm not like them because I am not trying to control you ". Haha, thats EXACTLY what you are doing Harry. You already have him slotted in in teh baby ward and taking care of a passle of your children. You just drugged him because he didn't want to have sex. You know he needs affaction and you take advantage of that. How is that not controling??
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From Sera21 on September 11, 2012
review chapter 10: A few points I would like to remark on, mostly smaller things: firstly at the beginning of the chapter when Harry suggests to Hermione she go visit Narcissa she immidiately agrees and says somethinga along the lines of " cissy will like people around" . Hermione has never seen Narcissa more then a few times as a grown up, the last time she was at Malfoy manner she was tortured ( and possibly raped?) . How does she not have a severe fear of teh manor and why in teh world is she refering to Narsissa as " cissy" like they are old bosom buddies??? That brings me to my other point.The nick-name Lucy. I wonder if you did that on purpose though. Clearly the name is a girls name and a feminisation. Harry does not see Lucius as a man but as a girl. Lucius is not his equal and has no choice in what happens to him. That nickname is degrading to everything Lucius ever was( ie full of pride, arrogance etc). Is Harry purposfully continually bring Lucius down just so he can build him up again? The nick name is very grating and I am shocked harry uses it in public in front of other people as well, not just in private. Doesn't he have any respect for Lucius? I do think teh couples you have created are sweet and there is alot of potential there. I am a bit confused about teh effects of teh slave potion. I thought it would " enslave" Sev but yet he has the ability to say no when he wants to and tell Harry he is not ready even though Harry wants him. Hmm...on that point, that was such an asshole move of harrys, drugging Sev after he said no :( Isn't that just teh same as if a girl says no to a guy and then he pours drugs into her drink so that she will become helpless and do what he wants? :O I wanted to punch him I really did. I thought their first time was going to at least have Sev wanting it because he wanted Harry and not because he was on some potion high :( If he ever figures it out ( and being a potions prodigy I am sure he will) I can only imagine he will feel incredibly betrayed. I mean what Harry did pretty much amounts to rape right? :/
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From Sera21 on September 10, 2012
" so that your father could pump her full of his willing seed" eeeeeeeew. I know Draco is not close with his mum but I bet he did NOT want to hear somebody talk about his mother like that. For crying out loud Ariggo, have some tact :/ You don't have to broadcast every thing you did in detail like that to their son.
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From Sera21 on September 10, 2012
Review chapter 9: Ah, here we go. I see some progress :) people talking things out and some sense being made of some earlier questions. I do wonder if its such a good idea for Harry to work out a marriage contract with Draco and Ginny as babys though. I mean isn't it lifes circumstances that bring us together? Won't Draco be a totally different person because he will be raised in a happy family? maybe Ginny only has a thing for bad boys or maybe she is the type that really has to nurture somebody...either way if they are forced together it might not work out so well.

On a different topic. I do enjoy reading the Dracken story on here( aff.net). Its a bit overly sweet at times and Harry sure is poping out babys like theres no tomorrow and theres no end to his personal finances.( realistically one has to wonder how your avaerge Dracken with 1 mate can even finance so many babys ( and in later years there are supposedly many multiples born).I couldn't even support 1 on my current salary :/ ). There be dragons I actually started reading but then had to stop. Don't get me wrong, the author is so lovely, she actually took my critisism to heart and changed some things but after a certain point it just became to much. The plot was *so* expected. I have been reading for over a decade now and that includes a truckload of creature fics. Some manage to still stay original but most become formulaic...If you want to read an incredible creature fic I would suggest the Indago series. It is incredible not only because of its plot but because of the character development. Draco is a complete arse at teh beginning of the first series and even at the end theres no super duper happy ending but kind of a realistic kinda happy ending. ( But yeah, by the end of the 3rd part of the series there is a final happy ending as well. ) Basically Draco discovers he has creature inheritance and Harry is his sub. Here the link: http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=8094 The other story I can only suggest as teh best damn Harry Potter fanfic you will *ever* read is Pendulum of Choice by Rushlight to be found here: http://slashcity.org/rushlight/hp/pendulum.htm . Basically Harry's world is demolished, his friends killed and he jumps through parallel worlds in search of a new world to call home. Also slash :) His personal journey is amazing.
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From Sera21 on September 10, 2012
Continued: Okay so Mione, Ron, Ginny and Draco are in the past. presumably to get Harry...buuuut now they are going to stay and teach a year. Wait. What? How are they okay with that? Wasn't the plan to take Harry and go? Wouldn't that have been the part where Harry took them aside and Hermione shouted and Ron complained and Ginny wailed and Draco snarked? Or at least put up some sort of fight? and I facepalmed when Hermione thought and then said " You've changed your name". Way to give the game away there. I mean if all the people in the room didn't already know he was not who he said he was that would have probably been the point where everybody cottoned on. Cleverest witch? I think not. Argh. can't believe she had to " think" before saying that.
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From Sera21 on September 10, 2012
Review chap 8: Waaait,harry barely finished telling teh twins to pack up and come with him( a person that they had never met) and they just said " when do we leave?". they didn't even discuss it between the two of them??? Hell there wasn't even a raised eyebrow at each other? Seers powers all in respect but he is telling them that a hot married witch wants them and that he is taking them to go shag her.No suspicions at all that dark magic is at play?? Shouldn't he have given them some time to think it over? Come to think of it, shouldn't he have been more careful with giving away to much info( again). I mean what if they had said " We will think about it" and had then gone straight to Voldie? How did Harry know they were trustworthy??
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From Sera21 on September 10, 2012
review chapter 7: not sure how and when Sev got a " well- defined chest" as he certainly doesn't do any sort of sport or physical activity. Besides that I enjoyed teh scene with both of them in the shower. I was actually really surprised that Sev was able to form an actual sentence much less an actual thought what felt like seconds after that orgasm ! :D He recovers fast!
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From Jan on September 09, 2012
Please update chapter 12 soon ^_^
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