Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Smell of Submission

By : dweek

From ANON - atlantean_diva on October 16, 2013
The one part I dislike about this story is Harry's manipulation of Hermione. I know that you're trying to paint the meditation as therapeutic; nevertheless, I find it a betrayal of not only their friendship, but of their master slave relationship. Hermione trusts Harry to watch her while she meditates, not find out her deepest secrets and exploit them. I know that Harry wants her to discover her inner beauty and desires, but Hermione has to discover these on her own. I like that Harry is trying to take things slow with Hermione, but I don't feel as if he's going about it the way experienced Dom would. The beautiful thing about a good M/s relationship is that both people go into willingly. No ones manipulated into a specific role. I think that Hermione is a natural submissive, but I think that a more experienced Dom would have brought out that side of her without breaking her trust.

The characters are OOC, which is understandable because of the plot, but Harry is to far OOC. I get that the sheath made him feel more dominant, but I wish it had been taken slower. Harry just wouldn't go from the 'boy next door' to calling girls sluts and whores as if it was nothing. There should have been some confusion for him. He should have had to struggle with this as much as Hermione.

This story feels to rushed. It could actually be really good story if it were more character driven and less plot driven, although there doesn't seem to be much of a plot, other than Harry collecting girls. I thought the scenes with him and Draco and Severus showed more character growth.
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From ANON - anon on October 16, 2013
This story makes me feel all tingly!
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From ANON - hugplx on October 16, 2013
This story is taking a turn that I'm not sure I like or am comfortable with...

First, Harry openly admitted he will be doing things the girls won't like with them. The whole point of them being subs is that they want to be subs, not that they're forced. If they don't like what he's doing, he's essentially forcing himself on them.

Then we have Hermione, whom he's mind raping. Mind-control is essentially rape. The biggest hook of this story was Hermione realizing, on her own, that she's a sub and wants to be dominated. If she's mind-controlled / hypnotized into thinking this way then that completely defeats the purpose. It shows Harry is inept at wooing the girl he likes the way he wants to, and it shows him as a rapist - and it IS rape.

So, to recap, Harry is collecting 'slaves' like they're Pokemon and has admitted he'll be doing things to them they won't like. He is also mind-fucking Hermione to make her more pliable to his 'advances'... yeah, not cool.
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From ANON - Aranel on October 16, 2013
The meeting of the whores!!
Lovely, they are all getting so well. I hope they will be able to come to terms with their master's demands. Some of them seem to still be on the fence. I'm worried that cho might betray them, she seems the least into things. Maybe cause she is the newest. Lol, love the pet pose, pretty sure I would end up twerking but I doubt master would dislike that.
Hermione still having to be hypnotized? I wonder how Harry feels about these feelings not being her own. Yeah, she has a desire to serve but I doubt the things he is introducing to her are her natural tendencies. She is gonna be pissed when she finds out all he has done. I could see that taking a special turn.
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From Eclectic_Pet on October 15, 2013
Oh, I have now had my fix!!!!! Cock Toy and Fuck Slut, that little exercise was great. Poor little Fuck Slut did not get a reward, but Cock Toy sure did. Whip, I love the name for his regular slave!! Poor Vixen, but Harry will make sure that Nott pays...especially if one of the muggleborns that she had to pretend to be was Hermione!?!?!?!?! The training (meditation) with Hermione was PRICELESS!!! I can't wait for Harry to ask her about her dreams *evil snicker*. This story is more than I could have hoped for, I am very glad that you chose my suggestion. This story is FANTASTIC...more, please *knelling at your muse's feet*!!!!
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From ANON - Hilarity88 on October 15, 2013
The names are kinda awkward. As a Dom, Harry should also be teaching himself; learning to control vocal responses when he is being pleasured by one of his (or someone else's) girl(s) in front of others. It's a sign of weakness (mild or not) to stutter or have to pause while speaking; especially when giving out orders/rules/etc.

After a while, though he could technically start right now for pretty much all of his girls, he would need to start punishing (and not in the perverted/kind/whatever way)them.

Now, for the most important part of my review; technically this is more of a request, nay! This is my plea!

Please! Write more of this fic! [Clarification]: Update this fic more than your Draco-centric fics. Now, hear me out before you judge.

It may have caught your (and any readers who look through reviews) that AFF is WAY skewed towards yaoi/slash and the like. Another big theme is that the main characters of whichever series is being written about is usually left in the cold (if not simply straight destroyed as a character)

Examples, The many fics in which Harry is married to Ginny and she is cheating on him with whoever. The many fics in which, randomly and for no logical reason, a full fic is written where Ginny/Hermione/insert-name is inexplicably secretly dating one of Harry's many enemies (Draco, Snape, Lucius, Voldemort). Then there are the crap-ton of one-shots which are simply Draco, Snape, Voldemort, or Blaise-centric as far as the guy who is getting it on with Hermione, Ginny, or Luna (the regulars) if not whichever other female from the show.

Now, there is nothing wrong with people writing about their favorite ships and putting them up for all to see...it's just that...c'mon! Can I get some Harry-centric fics as well?
Not to mention it always incites me to palpable anger to see a fic that has Snape paired with ANY female (post Potter-deaths/Voldemort's final fall/random time during Hogwarts) Snape is the guy who is the reason Harry is an orphan, that he had to live with the Dursleys and then had to show up at Hogwarts and be instantly the target of a grown man's rage for something Harry's father (whom Harry never met "thanks Snape") did decades ago.

Don't even get me started on Snape/Lily fics post-Voldemort-attack, that's just fucking ridiculous. Pardon my language.

(sorry for this rant, I can't stop)

It really sucks to know that some of the best fic-ideas, best writing, the fics with the most chapters (not to mention good grammar) are not Harry-centric.

The majority of Harry-centric fics on this site are 1)unfinished (long since dead) 2)PAINFULLY horribly written 3)slash 4)Harry-centric but he's an emo bitch.

(same goes for Naruto fics btw)

...I'm done now. Keep up the good work! ^_^
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From ANON - jhh on October 13, 2013
Hi!!!

I just came across your story and I love it!!! I love how you make Harry take control of Hermione and other girls, but he is still being sweet and always thinking about Hermione and her safety!!

I also like that you added Cho to the group of girls and I wonder what will be her interaction with the other girls, I would love to see her with Hermione and Ginny and Harry of course.

Again, thank you for this amazing story and see you in next chapter!!!
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From ANON - imnc on October 11, 2013
You consistently write "dominate" instead of "dominant".
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From ANON - Dude on October 09, 2013
Good stuff. I really like how Harry is progressing from girl to girl as he slowly drags Hermione down into debauchery.

I guess I meant a girl that Harry trains until she gets off on being whipped. Though I really liked your idea about transfiguring a girl into a whip. Seems a little too hard for Harry to accomplish yet though. I am also hoping for Harry to totally dominate Tonks. A girl that can change into anyone else, you know that Harry would want that. You might have actually used Tonks already in the early chapters... can't remember exactly. Anyway, I really want Harry to 'bind her to his will' at some point. Keep up the good work.
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From ANON - Aranel on October 08, 2013
Hmmm, alright, I'll be a graphic designer. But only if I can be a pet. A cat, sneaky and always watching and waiting to pounce.
Haha! Harry had to slow himself down, I think he is realizing that he is getting quite the load to juggle. What is that now? Five girls? All of which need his attention and guidance. Is he even doing his homework anymore?
Oooh. What will Draco baby use his potion for? Can't wait for him to come back, such a fun thing he is.
Oh my glob Hermione, just be honest with yourself. Such an ego she has, can never be seen as going back on her words. Yeah it's for the elves and sure she thinks slavery is awful, but she loves it and she can't lie to Harry too much longer. Unless she wants more spanks. Hehehe
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From Eclectic_Pet on October 08, 2013
I liked that Hermione said she would take her punishment and reward for the house-elves. Harry's comment to invite Dobby was PRICELESS!!! Hermione is too stubborn for her own good, she is only stifling her inner-slave *snicker*. I thought a submissive Slughorn was a wonderful idea. Now Harry just needs a Dominate female ally, who should also be a masochist too!!!! Now Harry has two sluts to use as incentives for his allies. I think 'Cock Toy' would be a great reward for Snape. He can scare 'Cock Toy' endlessly, making her more than able to take his dark brand of Dominance!!!!! What will his other slut be named? Agh, I can't believe that you left us hanging like that *growl*!!!!!!!
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From ANON - chm01 on October 08, 2013
hermione sure is stubborn, I wonder how long will she hold up?
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From ANON - red demon on October 08, 2013
Holy shit that was hot. Hermione is still fighting it I see, well she wouldn't be the crown jewel in Harry's mind if she were that easy to subdue. Cho is trying to fight it but she is already gone she just doesn't know it yet. I like you added Cho. I see her get added to harem fics all the time only for her to be ignored after she was introduced.
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From Eclectic_Pet on October 08, 2013
Oh, I love the differences between; slave, slut, and pet!!!! I'm having difficulty deciding which I want to be. But I guess my name gives me away any way. I am glad that both slave and pet were rewarded, they were such 'good girls'. I wonder how docile Luna is? So Harry's new pet is a vixen...that was priceless!!!! More, Please! p.s. I am LOVING how Dark Harry is becoming!!!
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From ANON - Dude on October 06, 2013
Great stuff so far. I would like to see maybe a girl be turned into a whipping toy. I would also like to see some more humiliation/bondage. And I would definitely like Harry to collar some girls. While the girls can love what he does, make sure to emphasize the humiliation for them please. I also want him to totally dominate a teacher. Sinistra or maybe another. Keep up the great work.
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