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Reviews for Deception

By : valkyrie136
  • From ANON - ggggg on October 03, 2014
    love it!!! keep the crazy draco coming *pun intended*

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  • From ANON - ccha on October 03, 2014
    Looks like she's developing Stockholm syndrome
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  • From ANON - MargeW76 on October 02, 2014
    While this story is intriguing, it's also confusing me to no end! I realize writers are allowed to take liberties, otherwise there would never be a Dramione story; however, I have always seen veela portrayed as loving...always pleasing their mate, living for their mates happiness. It's inherently veela to think only of your mates happiness. Even if it's to the detriment of your own. Draco isn't anything close to resembling veela in this story...are you working under the assumption that there are dark veela as opposed to good veela?? It's not a criticism, I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around his cruelty if he's actually a veela...is it because they were made veela and not born veela? But his mother was born so he'd be at least part natural veela going by your family history... Please clarify for me so I can stop scratching my head in confusion! Other than my own issue, the story is well written and very intriguing!
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  • From ANON - ccha on October 02, 2014
    Wait...I'm confused. Did he rape her or was he stopped by Lucius?
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  • From A_Diva on October 02, 2014
    I was about confused by that last chapter. I don't understand what the contract is. Why do the Malfoy men become veelas and why are they seemingly attracted to muggleborns? Also, Narcissa is a veela, so she must have been born one, which means Draco would actually be part veela because of his mother. I think I got turned around somewhere...

    The two chapters before the last were also confusing because I don't know when Draco got to Hermione. I guess you're building a mystery, which is fine. I just hope you are able to untangle it all, so that the story is smooth.

    The Malfoys all need to shut up with their pureblood nonsense. If they can turn into veelas then they're not quite 'purebloods' because purebloods pride themselves on being completely human. Muggles and muggleborns are more human than them. Bunch of hypocrites.

    Thank you for the prompt updates.
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  • From A_Diva on October 01, 2014
    I thought it was interesting, in chapter 11, that the Veela thinks fear is the only way to keep his mate with him. It's so twisted, but it gives you something to work with. That was the first time I read a scene that showed a hint of vulnerability in the villain. You need that if, as you said, you want to write good villain. Again, there are stories that make me Love Tom Riddle, so it's possible, but it is a process.

    Don't forget about your heroine. She's messed up, so she will also need a little TLC at some point. Rather she kills him or find the quite strength to endure, it's up to you to make sure that she also goes through some changes. If this is a sad story, beyond the violence, well...
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  • From A_Diva on October 01, 2014
    Poor Hermione. I'm happy that she was at least able to rile Draco up. She's going to need to take into her Gryffindor/Slytherin qualities if she wants to beat him. Hermione is the only main character in the HP verse that has a bit of all of the houses in her. I'm team Hermione. You will have to do a lot to get me on Draco's side. At the moment, I just want someone to kick his skinny ass. I hate bullies.
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  • From A_Diva on October 01, 2014
    Can I guess that Draco's veela was the other person in the office? I'm intrigued as to who will win their game.

    Draco is super delusional to believe that Tom lost the war because he was a half-blood. I'm somewhat offended on his behalf as a Tomione fan, LOL. If Tom Riddle when written at his best, i.e. worst, can learn to love, then Draco is a cake walk. This Draco isn't a very logical person. Grindelwald was a pureblood and he lost the first Wizarding War. I can only shake my head at his thought process because he's truly ridiculous. Hermione is smarter than him on any day. I do hope that her intelligence isn't sacrificed on Draco's alter.

    I'm happy that you are challenging yourself to go deeper into Draco's psyche. I think it will only make you grow as a writer.
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  • From A_Diva on October 01, 2014
    You're going to have a task on you hand to make Draco sympathetic to the reader. He's going to have to look into himself because I don't think he does. He just thinks he's better and at some point, if you want empathy for him, he's going to have to face his faults.

    I'm not sure why the words are stretched out, but you have to scan across the screen to read some of the sentences.
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  • From A_Diva on October 01, 2014
    There's something wrong with the formatting in chapters six and seven.
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  • From A_Diva on September 30, 2014
    The second and third chapters did a better job of giving the readers more insight into Draco and Hermione. Now, we now what Hermione's motivations, or lack there of, are, but what are Draco's? Why is Draco the way he is? What makes him tick? Remember, this isn't just a one shot. You are choosing to tell a story, so it's important, as the story goes on, to show who these people are beyond the abuse. Is Draco just a sadist? Is there a reason? I understand him blanking out on Hermione being is mate. In his delusional mind the situation is her fault.

    Fully fleshed out characters make the best characters and tell the more compelling stories. They also separate good writers from mediocre ones.


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  • From A_Diva on September 30, 2014
    That was an excellent first chapter. I'm happy that you changed. It was much better the second time around. The writing flowed better and the reader got a better idea of what's going on.

    I really like your Draco in this story. I just wish that your stories were more balanced because I LOVE dark Draco; however, I don't like it when Draco constantly abuses Hermione and there's never any redemption in the character. I don't mind a twisted love story, just as long as there's some pay off. You can only go so far one character constantly abusing another without it becoming repetitive and dull. There has to be a solid plot that keeps the story moving or it becomes stagnant and no amount of degradation or abuse will save it.

    I would love to see what you could do with a manipulative Draco. One who uses more of his Slytherin traits to get what he wants and not just brute force.




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  • From ANON - cob on September 29, 2014
    More please! I love reading these types od dark stories.
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  • From ANON - eclectic_pet on September 28, 2014
    Well, it appears that I will need to change my list of AFF authors that I follow, from Lady Jane to the new name. I always kept your titles listed, hoping for updates. I also lost my info, I was formerly MarksPet.

    OK, I really, really, really, enjoyed the updated chapters. Such a dark and twisted Draco. AND a VEELA makes it even better *warm feeling all over*.

    More, Please!!!
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  • From A_Diva on September 28, 2014
    I like dark stories,but there has to be a redemption for the villain at some point. I think a well written dark story offers a sliver of light in the dark or else the story grow repetitive and dull.

    I do hope Hermione isn't weak through the entire story.

    I'm curios about you take on male veelas. They are very possessive creatures, yet Draco wasn't the slightest bit jealous of Hermione in the room w/ two men. Why did the smell fade when he was in the room?

    This could be a good story if balanced and thought out.
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