Reviews for NAUGHTY GAMESBy : Mistress |
Please update soon!
Oh my ever loving Merlin. I'm in love with this story. I'm dying to find out what Hermione and Snape are up to.
Love the story cant wait for more you usef fool when you ment full and a few other mistakes in the like not to many and Lucius and snape met right after snapes sorting ceremony shows Lucius was headed boy and took Snape to sit next to him he felt he had to protect all the slitherens and he felt obligated to him severus sat next to him at the table and he got him to join the deatheaters few small points i dont even like the harry potter series of books I liked the first fantastic beasts movie but crimes of Grindelwald Made no senses
"Sorry, I didn’t mean to get you all wind up, I just need to go to the loo. I’ll be right back.”
For this sentence: "wind" should be "wound" I know it is spelled the same as an injury or wound you get when hurt but same spelling means also wound tight and is pronounced differently . wound (woo nd), injury. wound (wow nd), past of wind (by wind I mean like a clock not like air blowing). Being wound too tightly is to be stressed or tense. Jeez I never realized how confusing English could be LOL. Anyway you're doing a great job.
"back and drugged them down trying her best to hold on to him,"
For the above sentence: "drugged" should be changed to "dragged"
I haven't gotten into it yet, but I want to suggest a grammar correction that would make your story A LOT easier to read. See whenever a new person starts talking it should start a new paragraph. This makes it so it is easier to understand a conversation as it goes on. Hope this is helpful.
Oh my! Loving this story ! Can't wait to see where this goes ;)
Only one thing I beg..... seperate when each person talks. It is really hard to read with twenty sentances in one paragraph.
I am looking forward to the next chapter to see what happens next!
Hi there, I'm new to reviewing and I'm not a writer so I have nothing constructive to add and no critique for you! I just wanted to say that I love this intro and your writing style, I'm looking forwards to what your naughty, chilled Snape is going to get up to.
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