“Returning light”

“Harry thought of good times with his best mates and he was rewarded with a bang”

Filthy! Oh OH, right, wrong bang. Carry on.

This one seems to be fairly optimistic! Ol Riddle coming across as a bit of a dick in Harry’s recollection which definitely fits in canon. I liked how he got the ol’ Patronus running around and had a nice sense of comfort from the light. There’s a quote, I think Terry Pratchett? “Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.”

Anyway, good to get back into Harry’s head here and looking forward to the next part. Even if it is detailed laundry doing.

Always feels a little annoying to see a story with 5000+ views and no reviews/only one person reviewing. Folks’re clearly checking it out, could give some feedback. Ah well.

Valentine’s Employee Only Services.

Hey! You’re saying you can’t write sex scenes but bam! That’s a brief but fun coupling you got there. I especially liked that kiss followed by Argus getting Harry inside.

“Shadows that shouldn’t be there that sort of thing.”

…does Harry suspect Peter Pan is coming for them? :p I kid I kid!

This one did feel a little choppier – another pass for typos would probably help it some, but otherwise another solid part. And not just Argus’ solid part.

The End of the World – not the most cheerful and upbeat of part headings, but it does feel appropriate. At least this Harry seems to be faring better in a zombie infested setting than the version in the last zombie story I reviewed!

I really liked that line “The turbulent skies fought the sun.” it’s super poetic. Then… wow. With just a few lines you really build up the suspense of what Harry’s going to find, and then show the nasty aftermath of a hanging. It’s brief but that’s all that’s needed. Figure Harry did the smart thing getting rid of that body too.

Is it suicide or is there a killer amongst them? Should we be looking suspiciously at Argus?

…I probably shouldn’t have laughed at the mental image of Hermione nearly slipping on her own vomit. In my defence, I’m messed up. Wait, no defence… ah well.

Looking forward to the next part!

Bound by Choice – first chapter with a title!

Well. Well. That sort of activity certainly seems dangerous. And I don’t mean the groaning like a zombie during a zombie outbreak. Imagine if it snapped, or misfired! The Jedi council had a similar problem I understand. Pretty funny for him to be found like that, though, and my guess is he is perfectly aware Harry saw him and had the reaction he did. Hot, that.

Also I really liked the Patronus getting involved in getting attention. That was straight up hilarious!

And we learn a bit more about what big V’s got on Harry… Bit of a rough choice there, but things being as they are in the universe it’s probably the best he could get.

Part 6! SPOILERS IN REVIEW

Harry was going slow and steady as possible. He kept his wand at steady as possible

Lines that are the same in porn scenes as non porn scenes :P

Definitely more of a slow and steady chapter for that, no rampaging flesh hungry monsters here – I liked the take on using magic to open the hole, get the seeds, and then close it again. I laughed out loud at the one line “Granted Harry knew Argus was probably into blokes. At least that was what Harry thought.  Argus took him to the root of his dick with a fervent gusto that made him reasonably sure.”

What you’d want to call more than circumstantial evidence there. But what’s this darkness hanging about? Is Argus hiding something devious? Well, gotta have some conflict for stories.

Nice descriptions around the Patronus too!

New Part! More insight into what Harry's feeling - so is his inability to hate a sign that he's been kind of desensitised by it all?

Possibly just me, but when Argus was described as having a fetching face I thought there might be a pun of getting him to fetch something. I mean, there was that well volunteered line... ok,yeah, just me.

Section 5! The new chapter! And while I said I’d probably only do a chapter or a oneshot review in exchange I kinda got into this and read the whole thing, so when there’s another chapter after this please tag me on the forum or something and I’ll try and take a look!

Nice to see Mafalda’s cameo – she was only briefly in it, I think, and then mostly being worn by Hermione, but I liked the character.

Two bits I liked especially here – the line about ol’ Tom killing the previous minister for being useless, that was pretty funny. You can see how he’d get away with it during a zombie apocalypse too. The second bit was Harry getting Bellatrix to shut up with his thanks, that was just cool!

And there’s more info on why Harry is going along with the bad guys too, which clarifies some of it. He’s probably as worthy as some of the others with only a muggle-born mother anyway! Bah, but, well, Bellatrix is mad as a bag of spanners.

Onto section 4/actual part 3 thanks to the prologue clarification!

And it starts with Harry in a tent pointing his wand at Hermione’s entrance, her flaps, and muffling, which fulfils my wand gag quota.

Best thing in this part by far is Hermione just cutting the damn thing in half an impaling it on a coat rack. Absolutely awesome moment.

Good use of the old repair spell as well. Really fits in that they aren’t just ordinary folks dealing with this thing but magic users who can keep their environment in decent condition.

One thing that stuck out,

His shield kept the dust from flowing out of the security center. An unseen barrier kept the debris from flowing out of the room.

Kind of feels like it is saying the same thing twice? I’m not sure if it is intended repetition or something left over from an edit?

Part 3! Curiously chapter numbered part 2. Part one a prologue?

Well, no sex here but a little violence! I jumped when the hand smacking the door. Worked like a movie jump scare that. There was also a line I really liked “It screeched in a manner of a thing that dwelled in cold and dark being forced into warmth and light.” That’s good stuff that is!

The duel with Henry… well Harry wasn’t gonna lose was he? I guess it has some implications later? Funny thing, Harry gets used a nick name for Henrys, like that Prince Harry guy being a Henry. Is that a hint of a connection between them? Nice to see Harry not being a dick about it though. There’s always that feeling that James would have been.

At least kill it with fire still works. “Zombie has burning sensation after bondage game” possibly not quite the right headline.

Part 2 – First comes the violence, then comes the sex!

The unseen Bellatrix feels very much in character. Crazy. Violent. Hanging out in men’s restrooms and making things explode. Heck of a mental image on that poor janitor. Then again, he may have had it coming. Blowing brains everywhere does stop a zombie.

Now with the guy from the tent – I think that is an OC? I don’t remember them as a character, while going with the name Argus in this setting gives me a mental image of Filch on his knees blowing Harry. Which actually works. Don’t tell the cat. Having shaken both that, and a many eyed Greek guy out of mind I found I could envisage Mr Valentine pretty well.

Noticeably shorter wand… heh, I’ll never not see a double entendre in wand length comparisons. I’m sure many readers are the same.

The BJ was hot! Harry a little nonplussed, on  a rooftop, just getting drained like that is a fun image. Surprised it hasn’t proven more popular really!

Solid summary there. “Overrun by the unrelenting dead” – hopefully not a prophesy of the current world.

Part 1 – Dawn of the Dead vibe, except with witch and wizard! I thought that bit near the start with the military falling back, the tide coming, the muggles still not going down without a fight was super evocative of zombie apocalypse fights. There’s a horde and Harry is lucky to be on the roof.

I also really enjoyed trying them trying the different spells on mangled arm security guy and naturally Hermione finds something that works, but it feels very much like something that would work for a zombie – restrain ‘em!

I’ve also always appreciated a good “disarming” gag!

A couple of broomsticks would presumably deal with that only-on-second-floor issue once the escalators are out, but if they don’t have them…

Naturally disappointed that Erecto is for the tent rather than a cock…. Ok, ok, one dick joke here. At least I didn’t mention tent pegging. Wait. Shit.

Any negatives… There’s a few typos I guess! Got ‘be’ for ‘before’ – with it being a while since you wrote it you might well spot ‘em reading through now.