Reviews for The Hidden KingBy : Alpha_Potter |
Can't wait for more. Keep it up!
I've read the four chapters so far over the last few days.
I got to say I really enjoyed the story.
I've read a few 'Harry is now powerfull and influential' stories, but this one is by far my favorite, as it still makes him look human. He has ulterior motives, he does use people, but he's not a monster with no regards to others. I like that!
Some criticism (hopefully constructive):
-There's the occassional writing error, misplaced word, misspelled word, etc. It doesn't take you out of the story, but it is noticeable (so maybe proof reading one more time can help)
-you tend to repeat yourself with important stuff. Reassuring that, for example, Ron is loyal to Harry is not a bad thing, but it's not needed three times back to back.
-The sex scenes are written alright and are fun to read, but they also can seem repeated, almost copied. It's not a huge problem, but maybe spice it up every now and then ;)
I can't wait to hopefully read more soon.
Maybe having some fun with different kinks and experiences, like Harry taking Ginny with him to the dark side's women, maybe doing some master/slave stuff, some toys, ... Just my two cents.
Hope this review is helpfull, keep up the good work!
~Croenkh
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