Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Harry Potter and the Hall of Justice

By : dwmerrell

From ANON - Rocky235 on April 16, 2005
Your story is getting exciting, (chapter 5.)

It's so nice to get involved in a story and have no distractions while reading.
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From ANON - Rocky235 on April 16, 2005
I've read several of the stories on this site, but yours is one of the first I really wanted to review.
You write very well. I see excellent grammar, varied sentence structure, no typos, and natural dialog. This was delightful to read.
I'm glad I stumbled accross it.
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From ANON - the ultamate harry fan on April 13, 2005
fucking awsome need more email me with updates ASAP. as good if not better than the books!!!!! you should try to get in touch with J. K. Rowling with your ideas i am verry pleased. i want more more isay more
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From ANON - joe on April 11, 2005
I read this story last time it was written and was a fan of it but thought that changes could be made to make it better or at least better fit the storyline. While im not a Harry/Hermione fan and actually am an ardent Harry/Ginny fan i still liked your last story. However I think that if Harry gives the ring to Ginny like he did last time then he should end up with Ginny as thier souls would be bound and be soul mates. This does not mean that he cant have a child with Hermione like he did with the security guard (Deborah?) last time. I think little changes like that would make the story much better.
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From ANON - jonay on April 10, 2005
sweet, i can read the story alll over again - changed the scenes up quite nicely
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From ANON - eve on October 12, 2004
this review only covers the first 30 chapters.

i will say this first. you are an excellent writer. you have a strong grasp on the way the english language works, and you know how to oy ioy it effectively. but you have absolutely no style. it's the same thing over and over again, sometimes even with the same words. if i were an editor, i would kill to have you on my newspaprer staff. that's all i have to say about the writing. now the plot: i got a little over halfway through this story before deciding to submit my review and be done with it. the smut is all well and good, if largely unrealistic and devoid of any true emotional reactions. the story concept is fantastic, and the first few chapters went so well, i was so excited about this story. i love well-written novel-length fics that explore all parts (ie: teh sex) of life. after dumbledore's remark about hermione being "a bitch in heat", i started getting a bad feeling. then came sarah and webster's scene, which i thought was going to turn into out and out rape. later, harry pounces on some poor young girl while he's ON THE JOB, then has the hypocritical audacity to be angered that others were going to use her just as he was. there are so many moral loopholes in this story, i don't quite know where to begin. the black-and-white attitude of dumbledore towards the death ea is is out of character, but you fix that by dumbledore not including snape in his DSI, changing dumbledore from kindly, omniscient grandfather/powerfuacheacher and wizard to a george w. bush/rambo archetype. also the "seek and destroy" was unreasonable. how can you except 17 & 18 year-olds to kill with no quarter and no remorse and even laugh and be merry afterwards? even if you have lost at the hands of the poeple you are about to kill, there is still a reservation. unlesrry rry & co. are all homicidal maniacs. by that reasoning, neville should be there, but i haven't seen hide nor hair of him. also, polygamy, whether charmed or not, takes a lot of work on the parts of all people involved, and two men and six women all sharing each other is bound to bring up some household conflicts. your description of alis crhystone sounded like something from a chick tract, which makes for really bad and unbelievable storytelling. peeve points: guns, merlin's iced tea, batteries functioning at hogwarts, and "butt". this turned out to be less of a novel and more of a comic book. you've managed to thoroughly suck the magic out of jk's magical world and make it muggle. voldemort just a man? not bloody likely.

just curious, but are you for bush and the war in iraq? i kept seeing lots of parallels, and that was part of what so greatly disturbed me. barb's psychic serpent trilogy (which can be googled for a link) was much more realistic is depicting terrorism and it's effects on people.

whoever the person is currently taking law classes, i certainly hope you don't take any life lessons from this work, as it'd probably get you fired.

i'm off to read the occidental ranger, and i'm crossing my fingers that it'll be much better.
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From ANON - dwmerrell on May 29, 2004
On several occasions I pointed out that the charm protecting the Hall of Justice "prevented any form of magic from being used, with some exceptions." That must have been one of the "exceptions". Hermione is the first to have mentioned that fact on their return trip to Hogwarts. It was next brought up by Dumbledore when he was speaking with Webster within the Hall of Justice. Read closely and you will note other "exceptions" to the rule. Thanks for you review and noticing that.
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From ANON - sanyal on May 29, 2004
"...Professor Dumbledore walked back to the atlas and again looked down on the map.
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From ANON - dwmerrell on May 10, 2004
That's a Stephen King kind of thing borrowed from "The Stand". I thought someone would have noticed by now. Thanks for your review. I'll definitely keep what you just said in mind. I'm still reworking some of the chapters but want the story line to remain unchanged. Thanks again.
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From ANON - _insanity on May 10, 2004
This took me a hella long time to read. My gods is this one long story! I really liked it, though. For all the madeups... they each were distinct and none were too unbelievable...

Plus, A PLOT and SMUT! Gotta love that. However, I have to agree with some other reviewers... really male prespective. However, as I assume you -are- male, I can't blame you on that... It really sounds likunivuniverse that one of my male friends would have created.

All in all it's a great fic.

Save for the whole religious theme, but even that was forgiveable... umm... well sort of. Harry Potter as a book strays away from religion, and I think it's best it stays that way. However, you -did- you it as a part of your story, and it the context you used it... yeah it makes as much sense as shoving religion into any story can. And the gory gun things were also a bit strange. The Killing Curse was there because apparently it was much more effective than anything else. But, again... blaming this on the male prespective. Guys like their toys.

'Eh. What can I say. I liked it, for the most part.
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From ANON - _insanity on May 10, 2004
This took me a hella long time to read. My gods is this one long story! I really liked it, though. For all the madeups... they each were distinct and none were too unbelievable...

Plus, A PLOT and SMUT! Gotta love that.

All in all a great fic.

Save for the whole religious theme, but even that was forgiveable...
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From ANON - Mau-Evig on April 22, 2004
Very interesting story and concept. I was lost though with a few things though, like why Harry starts to like Ginny? And I thought Ginny was over Harry?
Yet you also said Sirius lives which does indicate that you've read Harry Potter #5, or at least heard of Sirius dying in the main series but I noticed a lot of information seemed left out... unless this was of course, intended but not everyone's perfect mind you. I doubt I could write this good of a fic myself! ^^
I love the concept though and your style of writing is intricate. An execellent piece. And the plot is smooth and runs good, I just don't seem to understand a lot of it
really. Isn't Duddly afraid of Harry? I thought that the Order of the Phoenix were going to watch out for Harry over the summers? And I still don't understand Ginny/Harry, I thought Ginny had a boyfriend and Harry fancied Cho?
UNLESS of course this is an Alternate reality with which would change everything. Normally I wouldn't really read a Harry Potter fic but this one looked good, and believe me, it is! ^^ In fact I actually like the idea of Harry/G, I , I think it's cute! ^^
Well, I shall read on then and voice some more opinions, I'd keep up the good work in your future stories, I believe you did mention you were tweaking this, if so I'd much like to see the finished version of the storyline.
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From dwmerrell on April 21, 2004
From the author: I've decided to rewrite some of the most graphic and violent scenes, as I've had a number of you suggest they were too descriptive and disturbing. The story-line will remain as it always has been, though. As I've previously stated, Dumbledore is as he is because he had to be. Please let me know what you think of the story. I'm anxious to know. If you would rather express your views to me personally, and not leave a review here, please send me an email. If you wish to discuss any specific scene or make a suggestion about why you would rather like it written another way, please don't hesitate to let me know. We are all different, after all. Thanks again, dwmerrell@yahoo.com.
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From ANON - observer on April 07, 2004
one maybe two words...Great Story!
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From ANON - Ted M Hammett on February 26, 2004
I enjoyed your story very much, but I really don't like the way you treated Ginny. She is one of my favorite characters, and putting her with Snape was discusting. I don't care how much Snape does for the good side he would never deserve Ginny Weasly. I also wasn't too impressed with how you dismissed Ron and Hermione's relationship deferring it to Harry, although I understand it was necessary for the story, I didn't care for it. Both girls became whores for all intents and purposes, not a very strong characters for either one.
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