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Reviews for Harry Potter - The Trial of Fire

By : VGSS
  • From ANON - Prodius on July 25, 2005
    You must update. This has a great deal of potential, and I hate to see potential go to waste.
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  • From ANON - vgss on July 23, 2005
    Yeah, I'll definately pair the Slytherins and Gryffindors together several times, but don't expect sparks to fly :) I'll be more focusing on Draco secretly liking the idea, and the grudgingly 'having' to bonk Hermione because it's part of the class, and she'll more or less give in because he's not being his usual asshole self the whole time (else McGonagall would've kicked him out).

    I agree with spending way too much time on these two chapters, and said as much in my notes at the bottom. But, once I'd realized how far I'd gone, I didn't want to throw it away :( In restrospect, I liked having a bit of time in Hermione's head, because we only get Harry's POV in the books. For me, it's a refreshing change of pace, and I'll probably keep it up, but toned down. Now she's mostly gotten over the shock, so it'll should be a little quicker.

    By the end of today, I'll post it on my website (listed at the end of chapter 2) as well as the timeline, so you can get an idea of what I have planned.
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  • From ANON - Petalsoft on July 22, 2005
    You've hit on a very good plot here. Potential to be very funny (I'll laughed when McGonnegal walked in and said, "fuck"), and very sexy too. The was the longest female masterbating scene I've ever read in Chapter 2. I love that Draco was spying on her and his secret tunnel is a great idea. I was hoping those two might have to partner up in the class some times. I have only one suggestion, and this is by no means a flame because I absolutely love where you're going with this story. You do spend a lot of time in Hermione's head, telling us all her thoughts and there is nothing wrong with that. But, for me anyways, when the sexual action is happening, it's hard for me to switch from intellectual mode to turned on mode as I am reading. Just like in real life, when we are sexually stimulated and in the midst of approaching orgasm, we aren't thinking about anything other that what feels good and perhaps the image in our minds of that fantasy person we are imagining do things to us. You really don't need all that mind chatter when the action is hot and heavy. Descriptions of how her body is feeling and reacting feels more compelling. I'm not saying we don't want to know her thoughts and feelings, just that it may be easier to follow if it wasn't in the middle of the sexual action. I found my eyes breezing over those parts because she started touching herself and then there was so many other words put in there that my mind sought out the sentences that had to do with completing her masterbation session.

    That's just a suggestion and my opinion, for what it's worth. LOL I very rarely give advice. This may even be the first time. But when I started your story, I saw such potential to have all the qualities of a winning story with this plotline. It can have it all: Humor, Sexiness, Angst, Love, Hate, Jeolousy... all the things that keep readers coming back for more. Don't feel you have to have a lemon in every chapter... teasers can hold us over as well. (Like the conversation Hermione had with Ron and Harry, the little revelations with Harry getting hard when Hermione lay on his lap, Ron seeing her panties when she mixed the polyjuice, Draco watching her shower and getting turned on, and the whole concept of a class where they get to experiment with sex) These are all great hooks and I'm definately going to be checking up on this fiction for more. Even if the students in the class do not get to have sex yet, you can satisfy us smut hounds with the students seeing others having sex or catching teachers in the act or any multitude of ways.

    Well, this has got to be the longest review I have ever written and I'm sorry I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I absolutely love this idea. The first chapter set up things very nicely with the descriptions of the class, the rules ect... Great job! Looking forward to more. Happy writing!
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  • From VGSS on July 21, 2005
    *screams*

    AFF doesn't support italic tags? But they're so crucial!
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  • From ANON - vgss on June 17, 2005
    I *am* working on the next chapter -- it's my highest priority. 90% done lengthwise, but I'm having a good deal of trouble with certain passages. Guess I'm not really cut out for serials with the amount of time it takes between installments :(
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  • From ANON - swissmiss on March 27, 2005
    PLEASE continue this... it's too good to not finish! i love it!
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  • From ANON - wes on March 08, 2005
    More chapters hurry up or ill have to put you under the imperious curse
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 03, 2005
    more chapters!
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  • From ANON - vgss on March 02, 2005
    Spelling errors? That's odd. I always spellcheck twice and in between perform a full proofreading. Even now nothing comes up, unless you're referring to the way I sometimes... make up words :) Like "annoyedly" just off the top of my head. I figure if it makes sense to me, it's good enough.

    And yeah, there are several hints that all the discussion among H/R/H is just nervous jitters about the big step they're about to take. I don't think McGonagall will let me ever descend into an *orgy* persay, but there will definately be some good times :)
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  • From ANON - rubberduck on March 02, 2005
    wow, great concept. i really hope you continue and when you do, i will be reading. the idea is so expansive. you've left the way for the trio to explore things amongst themselves if the class stays the way it is, OR you have the option of degenerating into orgy territory which would be cool too. hehe. the only problem i can see is the many spelling errors i ran into. that needs to be addressed. otherwise, great story and i can't wait for more.
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