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Reviews for Sex Scene

By : RandomDeviant
  • From ANON - LoverofallthingsPttR on June 27, 2006
    good god!

    are you seriously unaware of how amazing you write this sort of stuff!

    i loved it! the scene was beautifully portrayed, well detailed, not cheesy or over-the-top, nice dialogue and suggested dialogue. i'm sure there are other parts to this little PWP that i could go on and on about, but as i have no criticisms that would just be rather pointless (considering your pursuit in regards to bettering your smut writing ability... is that even possible?!)

    and i also wanted to add that i totally loved the way that harry and draco were together. your portrayal of their relationship (as far as a one-shot can portray it), the way the two interacted and the just overall tenderness and yumminess of the scene definitely caught my attention.

    i look forward to seeing more of this type of story...

    LoverofallthingsPttR
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  • From ANON - Jess on May 22, 2005
    *smokes a cigarette* Damn.
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  • From ANON - Critic on May 21, 2005
    +claps+ I like it! So much better than the last time! More like what might REALLY happen. The dialogue was great!

    Ciao!!
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  • From ANON - uhhhh on May 20, 2005
    I don't know if you've ever had sex before, but I've never experienced the whole "lights sparking behind my eyes" phenomenon or the "feeling like I was made of fire that was, in turn, made of ice," thing.
    Maybe I'm just doing it wrong, though...
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  • From ANON - Acacia on May 20, 2005
    wow. when i read this the first time it was a really good sex scene, especially for your first time. now it's one of the best ones i have ever read. bravo!
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  • From ANON - MOI on May 20, 2005
    Pretty good- the sex itself is great. But I'm assuming this is fitting into your story, and that Harry is a virgin and Draco is
    more... experienced? If so, I don't see Harry acting very much like this is his first time, except for at the beginning. Also,
    Draco's experience wavers in and out as far as the reader can assume. I can't wait to read the full length story.

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  • From RYoung on May 20, 2005
    Yeah, you're pretty good at writing sex scenes. Why all the facination with Dracos foreskin though? Seemed kinda pointless.
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  • From ANON - thrnbrooke on May 20, 2005
    Holy moly! Even hotter then the first time! I say you've got it down pact!
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  • From moonrawen on May 20, 2005
    Oh my god! This one is even better. The increased dialogue really did it, it makes it so much more *real*, if you can say that. I also liked the fact that it made it more clear that Draco had at least some experience from before whereas Harry was a virgin. I think the sex scene is extremely well written, I've read some horrible ones in the past, and I look forward to reading your complete story.
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  • From ANON - Alexa on May 20, 2005
    You can *definately* do sex scenes.
    It was one of the best ones I've read.
    Now, just post that story you talked about... :-)
    We'll be waiting to read it.
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  • From ANON - Shira on May 19, 2005
    one word WOW!!!!!!!!! That was soooo hot damn I say you definetly passed in my books
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  • From ANON - dedmun on May 18, 2005
    personally, i think this was a pretty good scene. some problems i noticed, though, was with some of the imagery, like where you said something about draco having 'diamond hair'. that doesn't quite make sense, since you don't mention if it was the color of diamonds or if it was as hard as diamonds, and it can't be the second because draco's supposed to have the best hair. and some parts you have some abrupt shifts, like where you have harry mention that draco looks different from him, but you don't describe his penis; or where you have draco tell him to 'pull it back', but don't actually say that he has a foreskin; and where you have harry touching his anus and then squeezing his penis, but don't say that he reached down to do this, so one could think that he'd been holding it the entire time.

    still think this was a great scene, just needs some fine turning. cant wait to read your novel, and post again soon sometime.
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  • From ANON - ice owl on May 18, 2005
    Wow! That sorta does it for me...
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  • From ANON - Storm on May 18, 2005
    Damn that was hot. Trust me you can write i, keep the story the way you want to write it. I can't wait to read it
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  • From ANON - Brittany on May 18, 2005
    can you write sex??? Damn stright you can!!!! that was amazing!!!!!! seriously you did a good job and if i were you i'd put it in your other story because it is most deffently worth other people reading!!!!!!!!keep up the great work!!!
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