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Reviews for All the Right Moves

By : QTArtGirl725
  • From luvhp on January 14, 2008
    You go girl..And Draco, TWO!???
    Yeah! Love it, love it, love it!
    At first I was questioning where Draco was during her labor, but thankfully he came back safe and sound to be with his family!!
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  • From RayneBlack on January 02, 2008
    I BLOODY LOVE IT!!!!
    IT"S BLOODY FANTASTIC!!!

    PLEASE CONTINUE,
    ANGEL
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  • From Tenar10r on December 29, 2007
    I just found this story, and I like it a lot!
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  • From Rosamund on December 29, 2007
    Great job...I think I've perused this story before and just read most of it now. Awesome! My only complaint was Ginny mixing in with them...yuck! But that's your writing right ;) Oh, my other complaint would be to those nasty picking reviewers. I know those type...one of mine was nitpicked several times, despite my disclaimer on the issue...and surprise! Just found out they were all wrong themselves. :) Anyway, happy writing and glad that you are continuing!
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  • From bananasforyou on December 29, 2007
    so precious!
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  • From shadowsinthenight on December 25, 2007
    hey
    nice story you've got there
    there were minor mistakees in your sentences, but as u said, they could be overlooked
    waiting for ur update......... i want to know wat draco's reaction is (make it real emotional :P) when hermione delivers her child (plz do make them twins!)
    keep rockin!
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  • From luvhp on December 21, 2007
    I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad you are going to continue, I love this story!
    Sometimes it's hard to take criticism, I've learned to deal with it over here, I figure "the many outwiegh the few" :)
    Keep your chin up, your fingers typing and your spirits raised!!!!

    Happy Holidays!
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  • From mariecke22 on December 21, 2007
    you go!! I think you are absolutely right!!
    I love the story!!
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  • From titfortat on December 20, 2007
    I think you may be being a little bi harsh. after reading the reviewer what they said was not ment in a nasty way at all. But just giving you some advice. They are not hating on your story at all. A good beta can change a god fic in to a great master piece. I really would considor getting one i have read a good few fan fiction and nearly all the great ones have a beta.

    Dont take what was said to harshly it was just ment to help
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  • From on December 20, 2007
    I love this story!! I have read it twice now and each time I love it!! I can't wait for more.....

    Update soon please!!
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  • From Utopia on November 11, 2007
    The plot is very good, and the chapters flow nicely into each other, as do the paragraphs. This fic has SO much potential, but isn't quite polished enough to be top class - yet - a bit of work and this will be 10/10.

    The sentence structure is the main issue to keep an eye on; they have a tendency to be a bit short and choppy

    For example, from the opening paragraph of chapter one: Hermione made her way from the Head Girl common room. She could hardly believe that she had to share the area with her most hated enemy. The full stop between 'room' and 'she' is too harsh a pause, you could easily replace that with other punctuation marks, a comma, dash or semicolon could easily be substituted. There are many other opportunities such as this to extend your sentences and be a bit more creative with grammar - there are lots of exciting punctuation marks out there! Use them to your writing's advantage!

    Some words in speech or description could be stressed through the use of italics - don't put every word that could possibly have a different/stressed context into italics, but one or two would give the reader a better impression of what you are thinking as you write - and thus you'd enhance your description and conversations.

    You need to keep an eye out for one of my pet hates of writing: Homophones. Homophones are words that sound the same, are spelt differently and have different meanings (for example: their, there, they're) Due to them being spelt correctly, a spellcheck on a computer won't pick them up. Keep a sharp eye out for them and just make a tiny edit to the correct word.

    I would like to politely suggest you find a beta-reader for this fic to iron out the little creases in it - the errors in themselves are small, but over 31 chapters they add up and get a little annoying - especially the sentence structure. A beta reader would be able to give this the editing and polish it needs to SHINE and become a brilliant piece of fanfiction! In the summer months between my time at University, I myself am a beta reader - if I had the time now, I'd gladly take this from you for a few weeks and give it a once over with a fine-toothed-comb. I can see the HUGE potential this story has; work with a beta and it will meat and probably SURPASS the potential it is showing. Don't just ask a friend to do it for you (though, in that sense I am the ultimate hypocrite, as my housemate checks my fics once I've gone through them myself, but I'm usually pretty good at spotting my own errors, especially as I spend three months of a year spotting other peoples' - do as I say, not as I do - lol); advertise on here for one and see if anyone gets back to you.

    You could do to add a little more description to the plot, the actions speak for themselves, but I think I am only able to 'see' the places and situations because I've read so much more Harry Potter fanfiction before yours and know what you're trying to put across. Don't think you're repeating what's already been done and assume a reader doesn't need to read a description of a room - everything has been described before you, but a reader will WANT to imagine YOUR take on a situation - plus it gives your story a beautiful scaffold of support.

    Don't get me wrong, the plot is EXCELLENT and the twists and turns along the journey are simply marvelous ideas - you keep a reader on their toes! Your take on the characters isn't 100% stereotypical (another of my hates), but keeps them firmly in character.

    I hope this fic will become the MASTERPIECE that it deserves to be... please get a beta and take this story from OK to EXTRAORDINARY!
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  • From luvhp on November 09, 2007
    Yeah an update! I had to re-read a few chpaters to remember where we were. Poor Hermione, having to go through that crap! Great work. Hopefully she can get back to 'normal' with Draco.
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  • From ginz on October 21, 2007
    I jus want to ask you. Are you going to update or not? Cuz its been lik this for a long time and no new chapters man.
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  • From ginz on October 18, 2007
    its a fantastic fic with amazing twists and turns. But wen is nex cahp comin?
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  • From luvhp on October 08, 2007
    Whoa! Poor Hermione. Yeah for Draco kicking Zabini's ass. More, more, more!!
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