Loved this!

I've broken this up by chapter; hope you don't mind having a long review instead of several tiny ones.

I like the intrigue you established in the first chapter, and the method you used. By describing the situation from both of their perspectives yet not rehashing the exact same scene, you established a fascinating scenario which effectively draws the reader into the story.

The first paragraph of the second chapter, though, seems a bit forced. As though you didn't quite know how to segue into having her confront him. I mention it because there's a lot of repetition of the same ideas in the second paragraph, and because you mentioned in your AN that you weren't particularly happy with some aspects of the story.

Severus' conversation with Nick was an amusing interlude. I like that you're advancing the interaction, and that you're noting the details - how the portraits react to Severus' interest, as well as his awareness (at least to some degree) of the nature of his interest in Hermione.

The scene in the garden was well done, addressing a good number of Severus' behavioral habits, but the dialogue here seemed a little stilted. Though that's to be expected, I think, since the two are hardly well-acquainted.

The breakfast scene was interesting. I am glad that you did not have Hermione being forward with Severus with the chaining comment, and I liked how you worked in the bit about the Malfoys. I adore the badinage about his smile when they begin his rounds. That was very well done!

The portrait's remark was extremely amusing! And I like the way you're developing the amorous aspect of their relationship. I personally appreciate a slow burn much more than a quick tumble, especially with these two.

Though short, this chapter advances the relationship very well. I was entertained by Severus' reaction to the erotic novel. I can't stress enough that I appreciate the slower development. I savor character interaction, and you've done very well with that.

You've got a few things in the beginning of chapter five that make me think it wasn't beta'd. For example, the construction of the first two sentences comes across as repetitious. I would eliminate the first with Severus. In the fourth paragraph, the first sentence has her closet twice; I would change the second closet to apparel.

But I do love the fact that you're not changing their physical appearances. Hermione hasn't become some glorified beauty whose hair is now silky, bouncy curls that belong in a Pantene commercial. Severus hasn't become some attractive, yet dark, wizard whose looks always intrigued ladies. I truly appreciate that though you've not spent a great deal of time dwelling on that aspect of their characters, you've also not used drastic physical alterations in order to justify their relationship.

The chapter seems somewhat forced and a bit stilted, though. As you mentioned before, it was an early piece, and the romantic scenes may have given you a good deal of pause at the time. I do like how you had them interrupted, and I find it highly amusing that the very chivalrous behavior Hermione was so enamored of earlier is now the very aspect of his personality she finds herself disliking.

To be honest, I'm a bit surprised by the brevity of this scene. I suppose I'm accustomed to the long-winded diatribes most authors have Harry and Ron go into once it's revealed that Hermione's romantically involved with Severus. I like the fact you didn't do that. Though brief, you captured their surprise, confusion, and eventual resolution very well.

You have a typo at the beginning of this chapter - flued. It made me chuckle, but it should be flooed. It wreaks havoc with Word's auto-correct, I know.

I like the way that you had Severus explain his actions, and that you had Hermione recognize that she was truly the one in error. I also appreciate that the endless self-recrimination is absent from this story. Though this is clearly new territory for Severus, and Hermione is certainly coming out of her own shell, I like how there's no long-winded soliloquies on inadequacy and self-loathing.

And yes, I enjoyed the romance that you built in this chapter.

Though a bit cliche, I have to say that you did a nice job of the alcove scene. I like the tension you've built to this point, and I have to say I'm very much looking forward to the culmination of this relationship.

The sex scene was very well done, I must say. Only one thing I feel compelled to point out: when he's suckling her breast, you have He arched her back. The He should obviously be she.

And the last bit in the chapter - the way they entered the Great Hall was priceless!

I found the scene in the Headmistress' office quite comical! I think you captured many different aspects of Severus' personality throughout. I liked also how Minerva asked if it was something she missed, bringing to mind, of course, the first two chapters where the two of them feel a connection that they cannot define. It does touch on the fact that this has all happened rather suddenly, but then, isn't that often the way of things? The only problem with sudden attraction is that it sometimes fades away as quickly as it came.

I do like how you've described the scene while Severus is preparing for the wedding. I can picture him moving just slightly enough to offset Molly's efforts repeatedly until Harry distracts him. I thought the acerbic quality of his response to Harry's query was well-played.

And I do like how you have the indication at the end that Severus may well have reconciled with the Malfoys.

All told, I think you did a fair job with this piece. I know it's sometimes painful to authors to go back through their earlier works, but if you do choose to read back through this, you do have a few tense issues I didn't enumerate and various other small typos.

I do thank you very much for sharing this piece, especially given that you had removed it at one time. Thank you for putting it back up so that we can enjoy it!

Happy writing!
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