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Reviews for Harry and KiKi: Tales of the Boy Necromancer

By : pmczarnecki711

From RAGNAROG on April 12, 2018
Why are ther oly one or two words in every second line

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From Clifftoad on March 17, 2012
Hell of a lot of Dom/Sub and sex with a decent plot. I think the English teachers of the writer need to be pilloried as the mistakes the writer makes should have been fixed in school. But, all in all, a good read if you like wading through the aforementioned sex, and Dom/Sub play.
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From randumbdave on January 31, 2012
I think you should really work on shortening your chapters, but not by splitting them up. You add too much extraneous information and your characters thoughts keep going on tangents. Your plot is good, but your dialogue could use some trimming. You could probably cut your chapters by around 50% while still keeping the smut smutty and the plot thick and juicy. Also, if you split up the actual spoken words between characters into single cohesive thoughts that aren't so scatter-brained, inserting a line break when your characters change subjects instead of continuing the paragraph facilitates ease of reading.

I do enjoy the story, the characters and the ideas you have created. It's just... 26k words a chapter has become tedious to read when I'm only getting so much plot development. If you'd like an example of what I'm talking about, check out out the author Dragen on www.hpfanficarchive.com (he's also on FanFiction.net listed under Dark Dragen). A good example of flowing dialogue would be the author Paladeus on FanFiction.net.

Hope you found my review constructive, and i hope to continue reading the interesting universe you have crafted for Harry Potter.
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From bloodshound on November 13, 2011
i think you got the wrong word for mused (to muse upon or ponder.) you used mussed (to muss or tousle something)
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From bloodshound on October 17, 2011
(I've found having a review open as I read down helps me remember the points i want make or ask about... it think this is the closest I've ever come to actually studying. ^^ )
Patience Amy dear. It will happen, though I think Har is reserving Luc's death as a blooding for one of his merry minion maidens.
Oh goodie! Does this mean someone iss finally going to take Drake in hand? Oh, i hope so.
ooooh, Harry's babes dressed up in tomb raider gear? Damn, that's HOT!
hmmm, perhaps Har should take a side trip to look up and strip the knowledge from the Knights boss. I'm surprised Voldi never thought ot look him up... but then again, dark lord, aka, arrogant, intelligent, violent, charming with a messiah complex. they wouldn't o the sharing of knowledge or anything really, at all well.
spotted a typo or two, but with chappies this long and involved, it's not all that surprising that 1 or 2 slip through the cracks.
Does this mean all Har's chika's will eventually become submissive an kinkified?
was that small chunk about weak vampies mentioned last chappie to?
Good grief, when is Har going to have time for sexy time rituals with his currently packed schedule... still, that's what time turners are for.
Yes, Pls, PLS someone do something about poor Nev. He really deserves better.
ouch, poor Su. shouldn't they have a system in place to keep the victor from over doing things?
Heh, when Har and his babes are done with their summer training they're going to be nye untouchable.
Ah, Pen sweety, hinny honey, just give in and call already. Ah good. She did. Neh, is she going into cum withdrawal?
wow, pen has big dreams
Neh, why do i bother asking Q's and such when i never get a response any way?
I'm just hoping these reviews are of interest to you. I can just settle for reading if these are bothersome but i think that'd be a shame. :/

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From bloodshound on October 05, 2011
wow. packed quite a bit into that chappie too. I hope Har's libido settles soon, that's gotta be seriously distracting. It's good that he realizes he still has a lot to learn. Makes him rather less Garry Stu. I'm also glad nicks' being sensible about things... after all, it's not like Har is deliberately cock blocking him. Be interesting to find out what the ladies are learning.
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From bloodshound on October 02, 2011
Dumbles you bastard prick! He totally set the Potters up and boxed them in didn't he!
Why that sneaky old biddy. lol. Maybe Har should ask for a cut in the photo business.
Oh dear, i do hope Nick doesn't do anything dumb or he's gonna get his ass handed to him on a platter.
Good thing Har and his crew still have morals of a sort or things could've been truly ugly indeed. Heh, Nellie's so gonna be his bitch by the time he's done... and Nick is going to sulk hardcore.
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From bloodshound on August 21, 2011
wow, leave taking took an entire chappie... it was still fun though. It'll be interesting to see what Har chooses to do with the now depopulated pedo island.
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From InTheBlue on July 30, 2011
My hopes are high because I've heard great things about this story, but I'm two chapters in and it's not living up to the hype.

As far as the story, I don't have too many complaints yet. I like the idea of a necromancer, even if the idea of having a little skeleton follow him around is a bit goofy. The Dursleys are permitting him to keep a skeleton, a few undead animals, and two girls at their house, yet you tell us nothing about how that arrangement came to be.

You tell us that Harry's gotten used to casting with his dagger and that switching to a wand would be difficult. Ok, but where was this dagger mentioned? Once, in Chapter One, but even there you seem to think that you've already talked about it. You've not mentioned him casting spells with his dagger, or even the making of the dagger like you allude to in Chapter One. Maybe it was in your head all along, but you failed to mention it. We only know what you tell us.

You seemed to allude to Harry getting his Hogwarts letter, but we're left unsure as to whether or not he did. You say that The Book barely mentions the Wizarding World, yet Harry seems to know all about Diagon Alley, Knockturn Alley, etc.

Then he's talking about his school supplies. Up to this point we've never heard about Hogwarts, Dumbledore, a school of magic, or anything of the sort. How the hell does he have a list of school supplies? I know we've all read HP, but if you're writing an AU fanfic, you shouldn't assume things about the story.

Basically... continuity. If Harry's going to be going to Hogwarts, Hogwarts should probably send him a letter. If Harry's going to be talking about Dumbledore with disdain, explain to us how Harry knows about Dumbledore, and why he doesn't like him. If he's going to have difficulty casting with a wand because he's used to using his dagger, you should mention the dagger at some point before the wand.

The only other problem I have is that your story is full of grammatical mistakes and is difficult to read. I've had to go back and re-read sentences over and over because you feel like you don't need to use any sort of punctuation other than periods. Commas will make your story much easier to read and I do hope that somewhere in the next 40 chapters you've learned to use them.

All this being said, I do like the idea of the story, and I'll keep reading. I'm sorry your first real review was sort of lengthy.
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From bloodshound on July 26, 2011
Its nice that June (and may)will finally get a decent taste of Harry and that Harry still gets to play big bro for a bit.
So things are looking up for Draco's survival... if not his happiness. yay!
Since Dora's going to handle Luc the dick we just need someone for Mio to murderate now. Though I'd love to see some pain and payback on percy the prat too. And for poor Nev to be able to wiggle free a bit of his smothering grandmere.
hehe, maybe Harry will become like the Flamelles and have some of his best moments while orgasiming. ^^ :3
since you mentioned a bit on what it took to make the Stone previously, i was wondering how it came to be made. From the sounds of it, couldn't happen to a nicer bunch.
As for the island of squicky ickyness. That's just ewwww. Glad the pets were well fed there. *hums a few bars of my mother is killing me, my father is eating me... even though it was the other way aroundd here.
anyway, great chappie as uusual and looking forward to more.
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From bloodshound on July 08, 2011
wow. Good grief you covered a hell of a lot in this chapter. harry's come out to mio's parents about their relation ship, his titles, age of consent, future family plans and so on... about the only thing that didn't really get mentioned was Mio's parents 'clean up' activities and Harry's necromancer nature... If or when they do find out I'm sure they;ll be able to accept it sooner or later. after all, Mio's pareentss are predators too.

I feel a bit sorry for James and Frank since they miss out on the ssexual healing bit.

hey, if it's common place among the pure blood families for parents to train their children sexually, does that mean if a son or daughter prefered their own sex the appropriate parent would step in, or would they still be expected to go forth and do thier duty?

Antoine and Mari got a pretty full business disclosure as well. Hary seems to be making some very good allies.

Feel;s mildly interesting in whatever Sophie's speciality might be.

wow, let it never be said Harry can't multitask. Thinking deep thoughts on the future while getting it on. Well, i suppose necromancers are part of the cycle of life and death so it wouldn't be surprising that he'd be getting urges to create life (ie being randy as hell) as well as take it and clean up ghost residue and such.

Well, finally the Hallows are getting mroe than a passing mention. Hhe's going to be cursing dumbles six ways from sunday when he finds the old prick's been holding back. that cloak is his dammit.

And he's still planning for the future business wise. snorts, as if he didn't have enough money alread. lol.
Still, it's nice he thought of his psuedo parents pleasure, I'm sure they'll utterly enjoyt themselves.

Yay harry! You bring dumble dim down hardcore. wooohoooo!

About draco though... if his re training doesn't take, can we minonise him. He'd make someone a terriffic bitch.

Reading your story is like eating a thick hearty stew. I flick through a chapter first to get the gist of it (slurping up the watery bits) and the savor the rest slowly before i review (eating the rest) so i appologies if it takes me a bit to review. ^^

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From marinepotterfan on June 26, 2011
Great story, I cant wait to see what happens a the Flemelles. Also I wonder what you are going to do with Ginny. I think you should give her to Neville or just make her a pet for one of Harrys servents.

Thanks for wriiting
MPF
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From on June 07, 2011
Dude! This was one hell of a sexy chapter. The sex was well written.

You a guy or women? Sexy writing regardless!
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From bloodshound on June 07, 2011
A few side questions...
1. the baubles gained from the Lestranges deaths, will they see use?
2. Is Harry cumming in his prize girls and if so, will they also get addicted to his cum? Or do they need repeated and constant exposure for that?
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From bloodshound on June 06, 2011
hey? if it's normal for a mother to train her son (Lily is hot, Hot HOT) why hasn't Cissa started with Draco. While a person can be trained with pain a lone, a combo of pain and pleasure usualy gets faster results (also, while i can understand she's a bit distracted having Bella back, she appears to be letting Draco's training slide in favour of getting it on with Bella and day dreaming of Harry. I really dun wanna see Drac die. *pouts )
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