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Reviews for Nemesis

By : morilin
  • From hellangelhellina on August 22, 2010
    You'll update right? I mean I know the story is creepy, scary, desturbing, sicking and dwon right horrofing so far but it's good. I love it.
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  • From TokiMirage on August 11, 2009
    XDDDDDDDDDDDDD

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I wanted to write a scene like this in my BS, but it would have been a bad idea... anyway. Loved the rape scene. And the "Harry-Destroys-His-Balls" Scene. XD That was fucking AWESOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!!

    *dance*

    Let's see, a few pointers... If you don't need to use the verb 'was', don't use it. I can't remember the exact word, but... 'Macnair was moving above him'. You can easily change to 'Macnair moved above him'. Was stagnates the motion of a story, as it is a descriptive verb and not an 'action' verb.

    XD

    I'd freak out on the forum, but I'm still not speaking to Marms. *crosses arms and sulks like a child*
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