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Reviews for Bittersweet

By : valkyrie136
  • From Gabby0515 on January 10, 2015
    Draco was dark and out of his mind but I loved this story!
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  • From ANON - magi on November 16, 2014
    Thank you for finishing the story, though it's quite hurried I can feel in the gaps.
    Imagination takes you far away, yeah?

    Thank you for the dedication to really push through even though your writing muse is
    giving up.

    I will still be one of your avid reader and reviewer.
    Good luck on your next story.
    I would be there cheering you on!
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  • From A_Diva on November 14, 2014
    I looking forward to a more realistic, character driven story. I think you rush your stories, so it would be nice to see what you could do if you took you time. Make sure that you develop the plot fully and try to write a spine, if it helps. We use them in screenwriting, but it could work for you.

    Hero: Who drives the story (Probably Draco)
    Goal: What he to accomplish/ what drives the story (it needs to be terminal, something that isn't decided until the end) [He wants Hermione to fall in love with him or He wants to build a better empire than his farther] I don't know, I'm just giving examples.
    Central Question: Will this even happen (it can't have anything to do with the goal.)
    Central Conflict: blank vs blank (This character the hero has the most conflict with) Draco (if he's your hero) vs Hermione [the hero is always on the left]

    As you write, keep the spine in mind. It will help you to stay focused on the story.

    In screen writing, there are three Acts.
    Act I: Set up conflict: Get your hero up a tree
    Act II: Develop the conflict: Throws rocks at him
    Act III: Resolve the conflict: Get the character down

    I don't believe all of this will translate into prose fiction, but as a writer, of both, I think it might help you focus your story more.

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  • From A_Diva on November 14, 2014
    Huh oh! Hermione knows the truth. I'm surprised Draco has been able to keep up the pretense.
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  • From ANON - Shane on November 14, 2014
    I'm all for a realistic story I kind of like the idea of obsession and the way you sort of translate it a different warped interpretation of love I dunno that's how I see it
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  • From ANON - ilariasantaniello on November 14, 2014
    oddio
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  • From ANON - Sean Wright on November 12, 2014
    I don't understand this story.
    It does not read well and it seem unnecessarily convoluted.
    Draco isn't coming across as mad or obessive, he doesn't make sense. None of the situations or the characters really make much sense, everyone is flying about in multipe directions without really coming together. Killing Ron, raping Hermione, and posing as Ron, none of these things really work because the story isn't paced well. The characters are flat, and the story kind of lacks a plot, this all seems to be flying by the seat of your pants. What are the motivations driving Draco? The fixation on Hermione wasn't thoroughly explained, the attacks really seemed out of place, so the characters (and by extension, the situations) are not being fleshed out.
    Draco isn't coming across as a sociopath and I think that is what you are aiming for but you are not achieving. He lacks the charisma and the high intelligence required for the abnormal personality.
    I wanted to read this because I read your Veela story and I enjoyed parts of it. The idea for the story was good and the characters were interesting. Draco was a deviant in that story, but in this one he is lacking.
    The idea for this story is interesting, but it needs more personality.

    Sean
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  • From A_Diva on November 08, 2014
    It's still dark. Ron is gone, and we don't know what happened to him. Did Draco do something nefarious? Draco has also taken over someone else's life. Hermione is still having sex with her rapist. Now, we're getting close to dealing with psychological abuse. I think that's something you should work on as a writer. The best dark stories deal with both kinds of abuse, the subtler the better. You want to twist your heroine's mind. Suspense is better than surprise per the master of suspense, Alfred Hitchcock.

    I'd love to read something with angst. Maybe you're evolving...

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  • From ANON - ShaniLash on November 07, 2014
    I get the very strong feeling that Lucius knows about Draco from the way he kept looking at him.
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  • From lexiatel on November 07, 2014
    WOW... that's pretty awesome :)

    And that Lucius was able to tell...

    So I wonder if Hermione will be able to eventually.
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  • From ANON - ilariasantaniello on November 07, 2014
    ciao ho letto sia questa dramione che l'altra, quella in cui draco era un veela e wow io ADORO la dramione!!! Mi piace un draco oscuro, forte consapevole di s
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  • From ANON - magi on November 07, 2014
    *would've written the other, more offensive M name for Hermione's
    blood origin but I can't.
    She's been through enough in the ff without me adding that name in my review. hahaha.

    I'm so grateful you decided to continue. just like You won't know, this was one of the best darkfics that is written
    in here.

    now how do I telepathically send Gryffindorclutz a message to continue her other ff? Hahahaha.
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  • From ANON - magi on November 07, 2014
    So papa Lucius knows.
    Is he amenable to Draco's feelings though? When he's a great big Bigot.
    Surely the head of the Malfoy family would never let a *muggleborn be the next
    Mrs. Malfoy?
    And mama Narcissa don't go calling your future daughter in law names,
    she might be carrying the future Malfoy
    heir by now you know? Hahahaha.

    More please!


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  • From A_Diva on November 06, 2014
    Love! Ha! Draco doesn't know the meaning of the word. He's obsessed with her.

    Thank you for the compliment. I'm glad you liked my ideas. I've written a few fics but not on this site.
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  • From ANON - magi on November 06, 2014
    You are very naughty to keep us hanging like that.
    Geeze!!
    I like it that you have finally made Draco voice out his feels!
    Albeit in a crazy, obsessive and destructive way.
    And poor Ron!
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