Hello. I am new to this site and to a fan-fiction in general. This was the first story I've read and I think it's absolutely beautiful. Loved it from the begining to the end. Even inspired me to try and write one of my own. Thank you for the insparation. Can't wait for your next one.

Chapter 22.

"It is my entire fault, isn’t it?" entirely my fault

Chapter 23.

I really loved blinking him to death hahahaha, so funny. And dumpling flavored Potions Master was hilarious. 

Kvarta, I had a lot of fun reading your story it was very good. I liked chapter length and the plot. I was occasionally frustrated from lack of communication skills between HG & SS, I can't imagine anyone as bad as those two in real life, but I suppose was just lucky to meet people easier to live with...

And fixes:

"I want out of my sight THIS INSTANT!!!" -want you out

"bit terrified voice of her boos" -boss

"Minutes passed…ever second" -every

"In one point, preferably in this lifetime" -at

"If I’m not, I am on the wrong place" -in

Fox xx

P.S.

I will read your new story soon.

xx

Chapter 21.

I have to say, their brewing session was truly hot!

And fix:

"Steering phase is next" -stirring and then the same word few more times.

Fox xx

Chapter 20.

I think Hermione was adorable in those heels :-) 

Look no time for talking I'm really anxious and need to know what happens next.

And fixes:

"I agree, thing is…I am not in love in Ron" -the thing is, with Ron

"You are just an old full, deluding yourself"-fool

"Eighteen inch stilettos" -ok, so there is no mistake in grammar, but did you know 18 inches equals almost 43cm? :D :D :D

Fox xx

Chapter 19.

"In old sweatpants and even older Iron Maiden T-shirt, Severus felt relaxed" -I would absolutely love to see that!

It is so sweet how caring and amazing he is, how gentle, loving and careful. My heart melts.

The slow lovemaking was delicious.

And fixes:

"He opted with long shower" -for

"No need for concerned Minerva" -concern or no need to be concerned

"He was not hold any resentment towards the woman" -did

"or shoot her, making shooting sounds" -shush, shushing

"I should heave guess…Iron Maiden?" -guessed

"sat in bed to help her remove his and hers shirt" -her

Fox xx

Chapter 18.

Good chapter, I like how you change POV between Hermione and Severus :-)

Good on Harry for his level thinking. I have a feeling (and you partially confirmed), that Severus will not stick to Jenny's advice very well. Men...

And fixes:

"she looked traumatize but tried to cover it" -traumatized

"They are an item you idiot, leave them bee" -be (I know it's just an accidental misspelling, but I found it very funny ;)

"you two are not item for years…" -an item -as you know

"Ye, because she is bloody mental" -yes or yeah

“How much does she knows?” -know

"“What did Hermione told her?” -tell

Fox xx

Chapter 17.

Well, it was an interesting chapter. I like the fact, that many friends are supporting Hermione's choice, I liked the carrot and cucumber hahahaha

And Ronald -nasty piglet! How much more stupid and thoughtless can you get? And he was sent to his room like a naughty child -hahahahaha!

And fixes:

"Well he sorts off has a thing for pain" -sort of

"Mr Weasley, you out to learn that Lady’s “no” is always a “no” -ought to

Fox xx

Kwarta!

Epilogue is up!

Chapter 16.

Sex is as always hot and I enjoyed her attempts at revenge. But what hits me most (and still) is Severus' internal ruminations on his future life without her and how painful it will be... It's just sad, depressing even. If none of them is willing to talk, I have a feeling they will go through a very rough patch and lots of tears soon :(

And fixes: 

“What are the term kids using these days" -is

"was he willing to hand her the knife she’s gonna use to carve him up with?"  -going to (gonna is very informal -I suppose it's acceptable in dialogues, but not really in narration), I would delete "with" at the end.

"he walked in his private quarters" -into

"No, I won’t damage your laboratory; tho" -though (I've seen you making this mistake before -bad, bad Kvarta ;-) you should be punished)

"Say yes, and I promise to make you worth the trouble" -it

"You are sorted in to the wrong house" -into

"Are you planning to continue working for today?" -delete for

"and not in the mood to avoid new Arithmancy and DADA teachers" -to keep avoiding

"you would be surprised what one can pick up if he starts spending time with Slytherin’s." -one (or she as she's talking of herself)

"His heart jumped than sunk low" -,then

"they still were coworkers" -co-workers

"her breading told him she dozed off, still straddling him" -breathing

Thank you

Fox xx

Chapter 15.

I love them two together. I have to say, that I found the whole scene of him denying her an orgasm arousing and amusing at the same time. 

Now the question: Did he do anything to her? I believe she might have made a little, teeny-weeny mistake by telling a magnificent wizard like Severus, that she can control him... 

And fixes:

"only to find her locked in a stronger one" -herself

"You always were talented student…" -a talented

"league department" -legal

"his fingers funded the spot just below her entrance" -found

"epitome of scientist engrossed in its research" -his

There could be more, but I didn't pay much attention, too busy being hot and bothered.

Thanks

Fox xx

Chapter 14.

Poor Severus, silly Severus -how can a man like that believe, that he's unlovable? He's a perfection! I just wish they talked! A little at least! Good chapter, although, I would prefer more info on the box. I'm far too curious to be satisfied with that...

And fixes:

"Two weeks in to January" -into -one word

"severe points deductions or ever additional essay reports" -even 

"Did you forgotten that you are a witch?" -have

" No, it I quite relaxing."  -the whole sentence is odd or incomplete. It could be: No, it's quite relaxing. or No, I find it quite relaxing. or No, I'm quite relaxed. Either way it seems out of context somehow.

"while her hands fondled hi member" -his

"paying attention to the slid" -slit

"Well… - she locked her eyes to his" -with

"You had luck there…" -were lucky 

Thanks and onto the next :-)

Fox xx

Hello again,

I'm back after a long, long time. I had a lot of work and, of course, I had to keep track of "Doing It For The Order" -it's almost finished and I'd hate to miss a chapter. I think you understand, I've met you among the reviewers there ;-)

I am glad my reviews are giving you boost of confidence, I'll be happy to converse with you, so leave as many messages to me as you want :) I  like your story a lot.

I really like "fury in black"

"Do you want me to go, to vacate your room? – his embrace tightened – All right, I’ll stay for a while longer, but I do have to prepare my room. Minerva offered me my old apprentice room, if you don’t mind. – embrace tightened even more, he shook his head again, planting light kiss on her leg"  -this is soooo sweeet! So unlike Severus, but absolutely adorable. Love it.

And fixes:

"Fighting against panic that cling" -clung

"She leaned against the wall, waiting to notice her" -waiting for him to notice her OR waiting to be noticed

"probably accessing the best way to start" -assessing (as in determine, gauge)

"I am not implying" -implying anything (missing word)

"Her hair looked like it was grown in volume" -had 

"anger turned in a burning sensation between her legs" -into

"whimpers and grunts were muffled with erratic jingling of glass" -I would use: obscured or masked or concealed (muffled is more of a mute or hushed in meaning)

"ornament on the door took liking of her left cheek" -to

"at this point even the brewing bench looks overly inviting. – smiled" -she smiled

"trailing a finger next to the pink line on his back, whispered" -she whispered

I hate the miscommunication! Why oh why can't they just talk?! Be honest. Be open. For fuck's sake! Adults!

Fox xx

Chapter 12.

At fucking last! Severus! It's bed time!

I really like how you constructed this chapter. How all the memories of the night are coming back in bits, resurface from the sea of mist. 

It's also a little funny, how it's Severus, who is running in the morning... Most of the time it is a woman waking up in the morning, thinking "OMG what have I done!" 

I don't think you should be nervous about your sex scenes, this was very good. I think, for you to believe in your skills as an author, you need to write more of the sexy scenes...much more -for your benefit only -OBVIOUSLY! ;-)

And little fixes:

he wasn’t feel this relaxed in years…decades even. -he wasn't this relaxed OR he didn't feel this relaxed

His eyes darted his from her dancing breasts to her face and back. -delete second "his"

She was so exquisitely thigh. -tight

He continued to slam at her -into

The damn was broken -dam (as in water barrier)

Is hips moved of their own accord -his

Fox xx

P.S.

I would love to read the rest right now, but it's 1.30 AM and I teach in the morning. So... good night. Speak to you tomorrow.

Fox

Chapter 11.

Kvarta,

ai think I prefer Snapes pov, it's funnier and banana bit was hilarious! I laughed out loud, how can they be so oblivious to each other's reactions? 

If you continue eating that banana…I joined Death Eaters for far less -this is just perfect hahahaha

Ant little fixes:

how would be to “unwrap” her -would it be

The right side is tingling from shoulder to the toes in booths. -His...was...in his boots. (booths appear again few lines below)

She pays with a damn quill -plays

 just a portion less experience -fraction (sounds better), experienced

With newly gained respect toward the idiots he had to teach, left the lecture.-he left -missing word

but he felt good by making black curled girl happy. She slid each ornament on the round strip of leader -curly black haired, leather

Small meticulous licks that caught ever droplet -every

He had feeling that -had a feeling

suck on instead banana -instead of

beaters bath -bat

I have forty not fifteen -I am

not to mention down right embracing -I think it should be "embarrassing"

Fox xx

P.S.

Thanks for letting me know you're fine with my fixes. I was starting to fear, that I was being presumptuous. 

Chapter 10.

I really feel sory for your Hermione, Snape is impossible! This is frustrating to read, I can only imagine what kind of torment it is for them... I think I would just tie him to my bed if I was her. Poor thing crying herself to sleep...

And fixes:

what she had with her was to…prude -too...prudish

WE are going in shopping tomorrow -delete "in"

taking good care to show as much of her decollate as she could without being obvious -delete good, decollete

she was covering her completely and exposing all of her at the same time -it (the dress)

the correct way to lay out them eludes me. -them out

Fox xx