rate_review Reviews

Great story! I loved the twist! I would have been angry if you would have killed off Severus. I love how you had at the end that good can\'t survive without evil and evilcouldn\'t survive without good. I can\'t wait to read your sequel.

Tiffany

I\'m sorry, but I had to stop after reading the second chapter. The story line was very rushed and just not thought out on where it was supposed to go. I didn\'t even know or understand that Severus and Hermoine were married. There were no obionsions from her parents or from her friends, nothing from Dumbledore, and just none of Hermoine\'s own thoughts on the matter. That right there was just too strange for any story--it wasn\'t veelieelievable.

Another problem was that you need to use proper puncuation in your story. Each time another person speaks, there needs to be a space between the lines to give a clear indication of who is speaking. You didn\'t have that in your story and it was very hard on the eyes.

As a writer, it is your responisibilty to make sure that your work is in tip-top shape. What you\'ve put out so far is not, yet you\'ve kept on for another nineteen chapters. Just the fact that you\'ve gotten enough bad reviews should tell you that you\'re not doing something right. Please go back and get somebody to read over your work for you. Find somebody who paid very good attention in English class, have them beta-read your story, and THEN put it back up here.

I\'m not telling you to not write, JUST DO A BETTER JOB. DON\'T JUST TYPE SOMETHING AND PUT IT UP HERE AND EXPECT PEOPLE NOT TO COMPLAIN WHEN ITS GOT MISTAKES ALL OVER IT.

I hate to yell, but you need to understand: Do a better job.

the idea is good but i think you could hav drawn it out more and gone into more detail, the ending was to quick and it felt a bit rushed but all in all it had a good plot, hope the sequel is posted soon

All I can say is \"WHY????\" Why did severus have to die?

This was not very good. Your writing was ill-reviewed. You have so many grammaticrrorrrors that this paper looks like something a grade school child would write. Many times throughout the story you actually contradict your own plot. The language that the characters used was all wrong, as well as the personalities of the characters themselves. You said that you were working on a book to publish, that\'s great. Just remember to review your plot and grammer. Don\'t try to rush though things so much. The base of your story was great...if a little twisted. Just take you time and review your work.

um.. I\'m not quite sure what to say to that. The story started out quite well and seemed to be somewhere, but then the last few chapters struck, leaving me quite dumbfounded and amazed and, i\'m very sad to say , not in a good way. You seem to have completely lost interest in your own story and quite obviously wanted it over with and i\'m sorry to say, but you have you wish, the story is now D.O.A. May it Rest in Peace. Please think and plan carefully before committing to further literary endeavers, otherwise you are just wasting your time and selling yourself short.
Very sorry if this seems harsh at all but I really think you can do better if you try harder

No offense, but this last chapter you posted was kind of pathetic. The story was great and I really liked it but the ending was disappointing.

This story started off really good, unfortunately it is going down fast. This is it for reviewing, if I can\'t say anything nice, I\'d rather say nothing at all. Good luck to you.

This story started out really good, but it seems to have derailed quite rapidly in the last 2 chapters. It\'s really confusing and just strange. There has to have been some way you could have built up or alluded to this weird crap instead of just springing it. This story had a lot of potential. Sorry I couldn\'t be more positive, but the last 2 chapters have ruined a good thing.

I caught this a few chapters back. I know you ment to have a comma in there but without it the first time I read it I nearly spit my coffee into my keyboard. You see I thought it said that they ate the owl that delivered the message.

\"That night as Severus and Hermione ate a owl came threw and dropped a letter on the table. He opened the letter and moaned.\"

Talk about killing the messenger!

Keep going I am enjoying the romp.