rate_review Reviews

\'The color of the warm pudding\'? Um... which warm pu- never mind, I don\'t care. That\'s a horrible simile, it really, really is. Vague, and irrelevant- \'chocolate\' eyes was bad enough, so be careful your language doesn\'t get too flowery! \'Ronold\' was meant to be \'Ronald\', I presume? You\'ve also got \'Not while He had Ginny\'- who, God? Mind your capitals unless it\'s a style thing, which I\'m guessing it\'s not. That\'s a fair amount of mistakes for a short story- either your beta is lazy, or you are. Feel free to \'mail me if you need a ruthless beta, I\'ve always got time and it\'s shame to ruin a good story with silly mistakes. Besides those things, this was short, sweet and emotive. Well done.

Aww... Poor Ron... Yeah, that was rather sad. And short, but it was great! The title was really what hooked me. I\'m a sucker for good titles, and this one was great. I think you should continue this, personally. Flesh it out a bit, add a few chapters. It\'s got the makings for the great teenage angst stories. Everyone loves a good angsty diddy! Watch your tenses every now and then, but other than that, wonderful. And I\'d really like to see more of this ^_^ Heeheehee, it was just so cute and sad and weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! Please consider making another chapter?