schedule
February 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Paragraph 1: became taught, - the correct spelling is 'taut'.
sharp clack of footsteps - 'click' would sound better. The word clack sticks out in a strange way and rolls off the tongue in a worse way.
You have an ability to create terrible run-on sentences. They wither away into monotony.
The story is excellent, and with some polishing, would be perfect.
sharp clack of footsteps - 'click' would sound better. The word clack sticks out in a strange way and rolls off the tongue in a worse way.
You have an ability to create terrible run-on sentences. They wither away into monotony.
The story is excellent, and with some polishing, would be perfect.
schedule
January 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I adored your opening line. The fic was short and sweet which is nice but leaves volumes to tell. It feels like it needs an entire background so I applaud you for making me want that. I only wish I could churn out as many fic's as you do.
schedule
November 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hey...I like it...