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for Punishments of a carnal nature

by botonchan

person Umi
schedule November 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
good so far, but try and seperate lines of dialog? each new line should be created when a diffrent person talks, that way 3 people arn\'t talking in 1 paragraph, which gets confusing when reading ^^

update soon
person ryoko
schedule November 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i luv u! keep writing!
person SilverPhoenix
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i really hope you update..id right a longer review but honestly im to depressed...*hugs* update soon?
person Demon
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WAhhh!!! update I have to know!!!! please update soon ^-^
This is good so far...very good start
Yay first reviewer ^-^
person Luciusdrache
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
this seems interesting
will love to know how the slytherin lover is
Do i detect blonde hair????
Keep up the good work
person En4cerMax
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I\'ll review! I\'d like to see how much he will make Harry do. Hope it\'s full of smutty goodness. :)
person n0b0dys_ang31
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
*thoughs of Harry in a french maid outfit, holding a feather duster come to mind* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Seriously, keep going
person peniquedeplata
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh, the possibilities are mind-boggling! more soon please.
person trixi
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i would like to see this expanded into a story more then just a one-shot maybe? i think you may have a premise worth exploring here...anyways, please continue.
person mwah
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I don\'t even know where to begin. What is debouched? And what color is chameleon? One of the most basic writing strategies is a new paragraph for every speaker.... Please get a beta.

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