rate_review Reviews

You have a good start to a story but the characters need more depth. More explanation of their motive would be helpful. Here is some of what went through my mind when i read your story. Why does Snape kidnap her? Why hasn't he had sex in 20 years? when he looks at her what does he feel? lust? hate? conflict? What is behind the potion? I was struck by the fact that if his cloth covered all but her ass and cunt then when he looked at her he saw her pussy and not her private parts.

man poor mione what is she to do .. and man snape why why ... please please more more ..later for now

angel

Okay okay! I get it, I have a horrible writing style!!
But I am not an English major (I am more of a science person) and i don't feel like proofreading all of my work because I enjoy the moment when I am writing it, so whats the big deal?
I actually tried to go back to fix all the mistakes, but I get so embarressed I can't!!
And I don't like the stupid long stuff that gives me headaches, for example....

My way: She has a bottle in her cunt.

Annoying way: There is some thing shiny inside her, making her move as she hopes for it to come out. What ever it was, it gave her dissatisfaction, and I noticed that it was in her most sensitive areas that i should not mention.... and so on.

But anywho, I hope some of you enjoyed it. I just wanted some very sexual stuff on this site because I couldn't find very controversial bondage Snape stuff. Could anyone recommend a story to me that is similar to mine?

I so love an EVIL Snape! This story is great! I know I'm a sick and twisted individual but at times I can't help it. *Grins* Please update soon, my curiousty has been peaked to the hilt.

One thing you must absolutely include at the top of chapter one is a disclaimer,otherwise your story will end up being removed.

I admit I can't write so I stick to reading...maybe you should too. If you want to read a GOOD bdsm story try You Can't Have One Without The Other. I don't believe it's on this site but it is at ThePotionsMaster.net, well written and actually has a plot you can follow.
As for not wanting to edit, thats one of the things a BETA does. But, alas, sorry to say I don't believe a beta could save this story.

I have no idea what a BETA or a beta is.... Like I said, I this is my first to write a fan fic, and I started reading fan fic 3 days ago!
Thanks for the advice. I will take it in to consideration after I find out what are those things you are talking about.

I'm glad you are enjoying reading and writing fanfic! We wouldn't have anything to read without writers, so new writers are welcome. FYI, a beta is a person who reads your stories for you to give you suggestions for storyline, and who checks your spelling and Harry Potter facts (names of spells, potions, etc.). For your first beta, perhaps you can ask a friend of yours who has good English composition skills and who knows a bit about the Harry Potter books. Even the very best writers have a couple of betas; there's nothing embarrassing about having a beta. Keep writing!

Holy smokes! Really great!

For all the advices, I thank you all very much for it.
Like I really needed to know about the 'motives' of Snape my self. I noticed his character was just sex sex abuse sex and it didn't show much of his motives.
And thank you for the people who liked the story. I will update it constantly and I appreciate the nice comments.