errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
July 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
RE: chapter one
I like how this story goes back and forth between their points of view to let you know that they are feeling and thinking--very clever.
This story is bittersweet in that they realize that they have love for the other, but both are afraid to talk to the other of their love. It is a real kick to the teeth for Severus to realize that he loves her, but now he will never get a chance to tell her because she is leaving. What a coward, hey? Very frustrating!
Hermione should be horse-whipped for not showing her Gryffindor courage by taking the time to actually tell him of her love for him. She is also a coward and also very frustrating--argh!
~~~~
F.Y.I.--errors found needing correction:
(1) 'My book is nestled in ["in" should be "on"] my knees as I stare off in the distance daydreaming of something that could never happen,....'
(2) 'Oh no [You forgot to insert a comma after "no".] she is getting up, I better disappear.'
(3) 'As I pear ["pear" should be "peer"] around the tree I am using as my hiding place [You forgot to insert a comma after "place".] I watch her walk back into the castle and I wish that things could be different.
(4) 'Wait a minute, she looks sad [You forgot to insert a comma after "sad".] and is that a tear in her eye.["eye." should be "eye?"]
(5) 'But theirs is ["theirs is" should be "there is"] nothing I can do,....'
(6) 'I will notice her disappearance ["disappearance" should be "absence"] .'
(7) 'If I dwell than ["than" should be "then"] life stands still, and I can
I like how this story goes back and forth between their points of view to let you know that they are feeling and thinking--very clever.
This story is bittersweet in that they realize that they have love for the other, but both are afraid to talk to the other of their love. It is a real kick to the teeth for Severus to realize that he loves her, but now he will never get a chance to tell her because she is leaving. What a coward, hey? Very frustrating!
Hermione should be horse-whipped for not showing her Gryffindor courage by taking the time to actually tell him of her love for him. She is also a coward and also very frustrating--argh!
~~~~
F.Y.I.--errors found needing correction:
(1) 'My book is nestled in ["in" should be "on"] my knees as I stare off in the distance daydreaming of something that could never happen,....'
(2) 'Oh no [You forgot to insert a comma after "no".] she is getting up, I better disappear.'
(3) 'As I pear ["pear" should be "peer"] around the tree I am using as my hiding place [You forgot to insert a comma after "place".] I watch her walk back into the castle and I wish that things could be different.
(4) 'Wait a minute, she looks sad [You forgot to insert a comma after "sad".] and is that a tear in her eye.["eye." should be "eye?"]
(5) 'But theirs is ["theirs is" should be "there is"] nothing I can do,....'
(6) 'I will notice her disappearance ["disappearance" should be "absence"] .'
(7) 'If I dwell than ["than" should be "then"] life stands still, and I can
schedule
April 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I definately liked the alternate ending better. I'm a sucker for happy endings