schedule
July 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's a great concept, but you fall into the tell-not-show habit a lot. You don't have to explain every detail outright, if you weave them into your character's emotions, their dialogue, and into our assumptions the flow will be a lot better.
For example, you wrote something like "Harry wasn't actually there since it was a dream." etc. If you'd instead described his form as not solid in some way or his voice as dreamlike it would have gotten the point across without a flat out statement.
Anyway, a very good beginning, and I'll keep reading :) Nice job
For example, you wrote something like "Harry wasn't actually there since it was a dream." etc. If you'd instead described his form as not solid in some way or his voice as dreamlike it would have gotten the point across without a flat out statement.
Anyway, a very good beginning, and I'll keep reading :) Nice job
schedule
July 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
WOW!!! Please continue as soon as you can!!!
schedule
July 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Can't wait for you to update!!
schedule
July 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Soooo need chapter 2!!!
schedule
July 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like the dated time jumps. ^^
Keep up the great work!
Keep up the great work!
schedule
July 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i love it!!! can you e-mail me when you update?
extraho_606@hotmail.com
tnx
extraho_606@hotmail.com
tnx