rate_review Reviews

I ove it. I don't really know how to get a beta either though no one tells me to get one.. then again in alot of A/N's I make I warn that I have no beta. =P Also I heard of one person that sent their story to a beta to be checked over.. well the beta never sent it back then she found her story under the beta's name on another site. *Shrugs* Oh well, do your best to ignore flames they are just not willing to try and read through errors for the great story you have.

I offered you a few suggestions, that was all. Perhaps I should have clarified; the reason I made those suggestions is because, as a first-time writer, you may not know some of these things. They are little things (much like some other reviewers recommended checking out the HP Lexicon to fact/spell check) that are offered ONLY to help you as writer, not to give you a hard time. I apologize for offending you--I'd forgotten that writers tend not to have as thick of skin when it comes to their first work. That is NOT a criticism, it just means I should have approached my comment differently. I don't regret leaving it because I think it's useful advice, but it is certainly up to you whether or not you want writing tips. A lot of good stories are passed over because of little things like that and as I said, I like your fic. I want it to be given the respect it deserves.

A Beta is an editor, someone who looks over your story (usually on a chapter by chapter basis, but other situations can obviously be worked out) to make sure that the plot lines up, that spelling and grammar are sound, and even sometimes to offer suggestions on where to go or what to do next with the characters. On AFF, there is a section of the forums dedicated to requesting a Beta; follow this link, if you have interest: http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php?showforum=82

Regarding the tattoos and piercings, I find it unrealistic because most tattoo artists and piercers are unwilling to put a body through that much physical trauma (which is essentially what happens with body modifications) in one sitting. It isn't something you'd necessarily know unless you have tattoos and piercings yourself--even then, if the story doesn't focus on Harry's tattoo process, who needs to know that he went back for multiple sittings to get a piece finished and then touched up? It would take away from the point of the story. Ultimately, it's like you said: this is fiction, and you /can/ write it however you want. I offered information, about the eyebrow piercing, for instance, in case you just didn't know and wanted it to be a bit more realistic. If you don't, then don't. That is certainly your prerogative.

About the author's notes: I do maintain that putting them in the middle of your chapter breaks up the flow of the story. The more readers get into the story, the more they want to read, and the more they like what they're reading. It's an issue of style and preference, I suppose. A good example of what I referred to can be found here: http://www.hpfandom.net/eff/viewstory.php?sid=13563&i=1 (SoftlySweetly is a brilliant writer and very well-liked in the fandom.)

Case in point: I offered you (and still continue to--Beta habits die hard) constructive criticism. This is NOT, as you have taken it, to piss you off, but to build strength as a writer. If you don't want it, that's fine, you don't have to take it. I think you're a good writer with a good story going. However, it's your first fic, which means there are bound to be things you wouldn't know to consider as you write. Feel free to email me (it's in my profile page) if you want to discuss any of this further, or if you've taken offense to something I said.

Sooo need chapter 7!!!!

I hope Draco is at the club. I was hoping this won't be a Harry joins voldy story. He should start his own side.

im glad harry is getting clothes. that seems to be the norm in most fics. lol i guess its cause we all know how badly he needs them. maybe like a panther or something for a non magical familiar and maybe some sort of magical snake. it works for harry i think.

good chapter

Diasuke's dad gives him the bracelet in the 9th book. before the double twin date. (Poor Wiz) This is a pretty good story. keep going with it please

This has a nice, if seen before, plot line. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, I SERIOUSLY recommend you get a beta. Lines like "(Hot Topic! Just kidding)" are not cute; they are distracting and take away from your writing. "(By the way, Harry is a bit slow about somethings, so he doesn't know Damien likes him, but he is gay, well as gay as someone scared to death of touch can be.)" is even worse--don't tell us this in an author's note-like comment, just write it into the story. Add in a few instances of Damien looking over Harry, staring at him for a bit too long, etc, that go unnoticed by Harry. Or let the tension play itself out in the next chapters. Save comments like "( for anyone who's read DNAngel, its a bit like the bracelet Diasuke's dad gave him for his date in the 9th book)" for the end of the chapter, where it should go in an A.N. Beyond that, while I find it exceedingly unrealistic that Harry got multiple piercings and tattoos in one sitting, I can ignore it. Studs do not go in eyebrows; barbells or rings do.

All that aside, I am looking forward to seeing where this goes.

good story

Awesome story!